I Don’t Even Know Where to Begin With This One!!!!

It’s a wasband story. To be honest with you, his stories are the best. I don’t want to go on about how funny and great I think he is because I don’t want him to get a big head. Well, actually that’s not true. He physically has a very small head. Really, we have always teased him about it. I think that’s why he always had a beard when we were young, so his head would look bigger. Though I think it has grown bigger as he ages. Can that happen?

But this story is so bizarre I can hardly write about it.

Anyway, the other night around 2:00 AM I was up and still at the computer. Barry tends to go to bed early or at least what I consider early which is anytime before midnight. Well, he came walking shuffling (we always call it the “Wilford Brimley Shuffle”) into the living room and plops down on his big chair.

He looked really depressed, which is unusual for him so I asked him what he was doing up so late. He told me he had a lot on his mind. I felt that he had something he wanted to talk about but was hesitant to bring up. So I pushed a little and said. “If there’s anything going on, tell me, I’m a good listener.” Mostly I just wanted him to go back to bed so I could finish the post I was writing. But he’s always been there for me and I wanted to do the same for him, even at 2:00AM in the morning.

What he told me next had my mind reeling. He said that his new female friend had told him something so shocking to him that he didn’t even know how to tell me. Evidently her father always wanted a son and instead he got her. He told me that she’s also very hairy. She doesn’t shave her legs or underarms, she quite often wears very mannish type clothing (though I never noticed that when I met her), and she’s been seeing a psychiatrist and a doctor. Then he drops the bomb on me. She’s thinking of having a sex change operation and is going to start taking hormones. She tells Barry that she has really come to love him and wants him by her side while she goes through this change.

At this point, my mouth is wide open and the images that are going through my mind, well, I can’t even write what I was thinking and seeing in my mind. The thing is Barry really likes this “woman”. She has a great personality and she’s a very caring person.

He tells me he doesn’t want to lose “her” but he also doesn’t think he can handle “her” as a “him”. But he really loves her as a human being. Barry is such a nice person. He would never want to hurt anyone so he’s telling me how confused he is about all of this. He’s really opening up to me about his confusion and feelings. I, at this point, am just speechless which very rarely happens. How do you react to something like this.

Our talk goes on for another ten minutes and then he drops the other bomb on me and says april fools. Honestly, I almost fell off my chair. If I had fallen off the chair and broken my ass I would have killed him. Instead we started laughing so hard. I’m surprised we didn’t wake up the kids. I was crying, I was laughing so much.

But this isn’t the whole story. This just reiterates how gullible I am. Almost every year for the past 20 years he has pulled April Fool’s jokes on me which are so good and seem so real that I have fallen for them every single time, hook, line and sinker.

Some of them have been so complicated and convoluted that it’s amazing he can come up with these. I can’t even describe them all. It would take too much of an explanation because some of them involved lawyers, and other people getting into the bit.

Once he told my sister and me who were on an astronomy binge at the time that a star had gone supernova (basically exploded) and you could see it in the SE with binoculars or my telescope. So my sister and I are outside for at least a half hour looking for the damn thing until he finally calls us back and says “APRIL FOOL’S.

This is what we expected to see.

Antoher time he calls me on the phone and tells me that he brought our son, Damon, to little league practice but they wouldn’t let him play anymore because I didn’t get his birth certificate to them on time. Well I knew no one had asked me to bring a birth certificate so I am ranting about how they are not going to get away with this. I’m telling Barry I will picket the little league coach’s house if I have to but my son will play. He loved baseball.

How could I not let this little boy play baseball.

I am going on and on and finally Barry starts laughing and I can hear Damon squealing in the background and Barry and Damon yell “APRIL FOOL’S. They got me again.

I can’t believe Barry got me again this year. If he had done it during the day I might have caught on but he did it at 2:00AM. I still thought it was the 31st.

Well now I have to wait a year to see if he can get me again.