All you journalists and interviewers out there

So this is the first known photo interview. It was done in 1886. On You Tube you can also see the first moving picture ever done though it only lasts two seconds. So I did learn something today that I didn’t know. You tube’s got great shit on it. I’ve decided to make a point of learning at least one new thing a day. I really don’t care what it is that I learn. It can be educational, it can be scientific, it can be just pure, plain gossip. It counts if I just don’t know about it. My biggest problem is going to be remembering what I learn. You know the old saying “What I don’t know, I will know and what I do know, you will know, if I remember what it is that I know.” I suppose I could keep a daily list of new things that I learn but I know I’ll forget to write them on the list.

I always just think I’m wearing new jewelry.

Advertisement

Not knowing how stuff works

I had to go grocery shopping today. So I packed up my bottled water and my cane and my daughter’s credit card and got into my car. I put the key into the ignition and nothing. The car wouldn’t start. I know there is an engine under the hood and a battery and windshield wiper fluid but that’s really all I know about cars. I decided, for some reason to look under the hood of the car. I didn’t actually know if I’d find anything other than mice. I had my car worked on recently and the mechanic found two mouse nests in it and I use the car every day. I wonder if they took rides with me or left when I drove away. Anyway, I looked at the engine, recognized the battery, it looked good to me, closed the hood and the car still wouldn’t start.

I realized that I don’t like not knowing how stuff works.

I started thinking that there’s a lot of stuff and I don’t know how or why it works. I taught my daughter when she was young that she can do whatever a man can do and probably do it better. She took that little talk to heart. She won’t let anyone do anything for her. From the time she could talk her standard statement was “Let Tawa do it” Her name is Sarah. She can put together anything and if she can’t she will find out how. If I can’t figure something out I just get on my cell phone and start making calls . I know I’ll come across someone who will take care of it for me, usually her. But I am starting to not like that about myself. I want to know more. I want to know everything. But then I get so overwhelmed by all that I don’t know, I just sit in my chair and watch TV. Oh well, maybe I learn something on the Discovery channel.

By the way, the car still doesn’t work. I am waiting for my ex-husband to get home and take care of it. See, I always find someone to take care of things. He’ll even pay for it. Sarah would be out there with a tool kit so I don’t want to bother her with it.

Fear of Dentists

I had a filling fall out last night which exposed a raw nerve. Even air flowing over the tooth hurt. This morning my daughter made me call a dentist. I would rather have pulled it out myself with pliers. I just have to hear the word dentist and my stomach turns. But my daughter, the non-procrastinator had me at the dentist in 15 minutes. He couldn’t pull it because I am on aspirin and he was afraid I’d be a bleeder. Monday, he will call my Doctor, get me off the aspirin and then pull it. So now I have to wait all week to get it done. I will think of nothing else, I will obsess about it but I will show up because my daughter will drag me there.

This dentist has been our family dentist for about 25 years. My daughter goes every six months and has her teeth cleaned. The last time I saw him, which was so long ago that I can’t remember when it was, he pulled a tooth. I tend to wait until the tooth is so bad and then I have the dentist yank it. Someday I’ll be toothless. No root canals for me, or any of those other things they do to teeth. I do brush my teeth and on occasion I have even flossed, though not on a regular basis.

I don’t know where or why I ended up with this dental phobia.

New Knees

Yesterday I finally went to see an orthopedist after having sore knees for years. Going to doctor to me is like well, what’s the worst thing you can think of? I don’t much like them, trust them or ever want to visit them. But I couldn’t put it off any longer. I can barely walk. They took X-rays and then I saw the Doc. Actually, the doctor was nice, not too crazy. The X-rays had already been downloaded onto his computer. He showed me how I had absolutely no cartilage left in either knee. Also there were bone spurs. Bone against bone. He told me I need two new knees. I asked him how long I’ve got until I really, really need to do this. He said “three months ago”. I guess he means soon. I told him I didn’t want to do it until I lose more weight. He gave me a cortisone shot in each knee and has to get permission from Medicare and then he will give me a series of gel shots that put a kind of gel between the bone –a temporary solution. I really don’t want the surgery at all. What with that super resistant bacteria going around hospitals, and all the other stuff you can catch there, and crazy doctors, I don’t know if new knees are worth all the trouble. I’d have to spend 4-5 days in the hospital and two weeks at a rehab care center. I already did that in February when I had the flu. Not fun.

And after all that I have to face my back problem which is actually worse than my knee problem.

By the way, I’m not whining, just stating the facts. OK, a little bit of whining.

As Scarlett O’Hara said: “I can’t think about that right now. If I do, I’ll go crazy. I’ll think about that tomorrow”

Scary stuff

I was reading my friend Wendy’s blog about What scares you and I left her a comment about the two scariest movies I’ve ever seen. Then I started thinking about what has scared me the most in real life, you know, things that have really happened. The first being the 44 packets of heroin I found in my son’s sock drawer. That scared the living hell out me. But that’s another story I’m not willing to think about today because I have centered my whole life around it for the past 5 years. After much therapy and Al Anon and my family nearly disowning me because they felt I enabled him so much (and they were right) I am finally on the road to recovery and fortunately so is he.

Another scary moment was when I drove my two children to the bus stop one morning. My daughter was the only one getting on the bus. She was about 7 years old and my son was about 4. So she is in the front seat and gets out of the car, gets on the bus and takes off. My son is in the back seat. What I didn’t know is that he had undone his seat belt and opened the door and not closed it tight. Well, I drove off. We were going very slowly because we were on the back streets behind my house where you really couldn’t go over 20mph. All of a sudden I hear a scream and I look in the back seat and he’s gone. I look in the rearview mirror and he’s about twenty yards behind the car getting up off the ground. I slammed on the brakes, didn’t even put the car in park and ran towards him. Thank God he’d gotten up off the ground and was running towards me but his little face was streaming with blood. I almost threw up I was so scared. In the end he actually only scraped his chin. I took him to the Doctor anyway just to be sure but he was fine.

There was a time when he was at the emergency room so often I got to thinking they might think I’m abusing him. Actually, he was abusing me by getting hurt so often. I don’t think I could list all the things that happened to him when he was young. He was the kind of kid who dove into any situation without even a thought of the outcome. He’s still that way at 26. He broke a leg, a bee sting that swelled up his hand to the size of a melon, a baseball bat hit him in the head, damn near knocked him out, sprained ankles (skateboarder), A sliver in his foot even the Doctor had a tough time getting out. The Doc said “Never seen one quite like that”. He and some little girl were trying to go down the slide at the same time and they cracked heads and he had to get stitches, and the list goes on.

The day he decided to learn how to drive a two wheel bike was great. We were at a cookout at a house at the top of a hill. He was about five. Climbs on this two wheel bike and just goes flying down the hill, not even knowing how to brake. He ended up at the bottom of the hill in a bush. He climbed out of the bush, walked up the hill and did it again.

He also did the same thing with drugs. Diving right in not thinking of the consequences.

Then there’s my daughter, the exact polar opposite. Never did drugs, barely drinks, responsible, has a great job, generous to a fault, thinks about everyone’s happiness before her own. I think her biggest problem is that she does so well at everything, I think she feels she has to live up to everyone’s expectations and be perfect. How could two children turn out so different? Yet, I love them both.

My first Blog

I guess I should start by telling you a little bit about myself. I have two children, a daughter 28 years old and a 26 year old son. I live with my daughter , her husband, and my ex-husband. Just your typical family. My ex-husband just moved in a couple of weeks ago. He broke up with his girlfriend of four years and my daughter felt she had to take him in because he had nowhere else to go. Fortunately, he and I have always gotten along well. Especially after the divorce 18 years ago.I am considered disabled by the government, probably because I can’t stand for more than a few minutes at a time. I get to park in handicapped parking spaces. I get to drive around in the grocery store in a motorized shopping cart at 4 miles per hour. I get the library to deliver books to me.

I have a lot of time now. I retired from a small business I owned, a year ago, because of my back problems. I miss my store. I ran it along with my father for 25 years. He passed away almost 8 years ago so I ran it alone then. It wasn’t any fun without him. I also could not survive on disability alone so my daughter and her husband moved in with me about 8 months ago. The deal was I would give her the house but I came with it and now her father comes with it too. He and I live on one floor and my daughter and her hubby live on another floor and we share the kitchen and bathroom. They have their own bedroom and living room and their own entrance so they can have some privacy. I do all the cooking from my wheel chair. It’s hard cooking from a wheel chair, I’ve burned myself on the stove twice already. My daughter’s convinced I’m going to set myself on fire. But I guess she isn’t worried enough to do the cooking herself. Actually, she wouldn’t have the time. She has to take a boat to work which takes up 1 1/2 hours a day. She works long hours. Plus I like to cook. I just hope I stop burning myself.

I only cook weight watcher meals. I make six portions. One for me and one for my daughter and two portions each for the guys. She’s lost 35 pounds since she moved in and is now back to being a size 4 and I’ve lost 45 pounds. I still have to lose another 150 pounds. That’s the price I have to pay for eating instead of getting on Zoloft. I didn’t even know I was depressed until my sister and daughter convinced me. They were right. I finally feel I am getting my life back under control.

I guess that’s what this blog will be about mostly– Me