Looking For Excitement

Things have been quiet around here since the tiki torch incident. Barry is in PA for a baseball card show and won’t be back until Sunday. He’s always a good cause of commotion and weirdness but always in a funny good way. The kids are boring, no offense to them, but they never do anything to cause excitement and weirdness. My son certainly stirred things up when he lived here but he’s in Buffalo so things are certainly quiet without him. If you’re reading this, Damon, I love you.

The most exciting thing I’ve done in the past couple of days is buy my cat, sorry, Damon’s cat, Yoda, a collar with a bell on it. The other two cats have no intention of ever going outdoors but Yoda has been there. He knows the excitement of being out side and he wants out badly. His whole life revolves around getting past anyone who opens up the door to the outside world. He has escaped many times. But that was mostly when my son had friends in and out. They would let him out by mistake and I would make them stay until they found him. I didn’t care if it took them all night. They weren’t leaving until I had Yoda back.

I thought he should have a collar though. If he does escape we’ll hear the little bell, that is becoming very annoying, and we will find him. He hates the collar.

This is Yoda scratching at his collar this morning.yoda-new-collar.jpg

Well, tough luck, kitty boy, you’re wearing it anyway, maybe, I’m starting to not like that little bell. He must be so jealous that the other two kitty boys don’t have to wear one.

Without Barry around for me to watch his antics, I might have to take a ride into town. I love people watching. They do such strange things, I mean besides the regular scratching their butts and picking their noses when they think no one is looking. But I don’t want to sit on one of the benches on Main Street with the homeless people just so I can people watch. I’m well known in town. I don’t want my ex-customers to think I AM homeless. I don’t want them flinging dollar bills out their car windows at me and then watch me scrapping with the homeless people for them.

I might sit on a bench and not even sit next to a homeless person. I might sit next to someone intelligent and have a good conversation.

 

Before I go anywhere today, I have to cook a crock pot meal. I am cooking a new one, Hungarian Goulash with lots of sweet Hungarian Paprika. If the kids don’t like it, we have lots of leftovers.

I suppose I can go into town and drive through the parking lots looking for illegal parkers who park in handicapped spaces and give out tickets. That can be fun.

I suppose I could start one of my projects I’ve been talking about doing for the past year: making beaded jewelry, making organic salves and lotions, scrapbooking, etc. My excuse is I don’t have a good work area. Which actually is true and when my daughter asked me , the other day, why I wasn’t doing these things and I gave her that excuse, well I guess now I am getting a folding card table.

Well, I am doing all of the things she asked me to do to change my life for the better. I am even going to be doing chair yoga in April. I am also going to see an acupuncturist, if I can find one I can afford.

 

Well, that’s it for now. The crock pot awaits me.

crockpot.jpg

Rock Salt, Tiki Torch Fuel, and Kitty Litter–What Could They Have in Common

Well, I’m going to tell you all about last night’s gathering of these materials. And guess who was the star of the show, guess who could manage to get all three of these products together, guess who caused a chemical spill into the ground near our side door? None other than my wasband.

tiki.jpg

halite.jpg

cat01.jpg

I think I will finally start calling him by his name. I guess he is officially part of the family since he’s been here 7 months now and it doesn’t look like he has plans to go anywhere else.

My daughter and her hubby went out to dinner last night and she noticed the side steps were slippery with ice. So she asked her father to please put down some rock salt. She’s always concerned that I am going to fall and break my ass again. And to tell you the truth, I really don’t want to do that again. It’s about 90% better and If it happened again I think I would have ass removal surgery.

Anyway, Barry proceeds to take our rock salt outside. I am in my room and I hear him come back in the house and he says “I’ve done something really bad out there. It really smells too.” Oh my God, I’m thinking he’s shit his pants. What else could smell really bad out there. He’s had some stomach upset lately. I’m also thinking, I ain’t cleaning it up, pal. NOOO WAY!!!! We’re not married anymore and I don’t have to clean up your shit.

Well, fortunately for both of us, that’s not what happened. He put the rock salt on the railing, it proceeded to fall to the ground hitting a gallon plastic container of tiki torch fuel which proceeded to break.

Evidently, tiki torch fuel reeks. The smell is getting into the house and Barry is panicking. “What are the kids gonna say?” he asks me. “I’ve polluted the ground.” I’m just sitting there thankful it’s not shit leaking out of his pants. I do his laundry.

I suggest he put kitty litter on the ground where we now have a chemical spill. He actually for once in his life agrees with me. So now we have rock salt, tiki torch fuel and kitty litter all mixed up together by the side door. Of course the kids don’t know this yet. At one point we start trying to come up with a story of how it happened so Barry won’t be blamed for it. I came up with the idea that a coyote and a raccoon got in a fight near the tiki torch fuel and broke the container. He didn’t think the kids would fall for it. He was probably right.

coyote_raccoon2.jpg

I lit incense and some smelly candle, apple spice I think. The mixture of the incense, candle and tiki torch fuel was hideous.

Then we both went to bed. Lord knows what the kids thought when they got home. But there are footprints all over the kitchen floor so they must have walked right through it. You got some splainin to do Lucy.

lucy_1-full.jpg

Some Of My Wasband’s Bird Photos

Well, I have put everyone else’s photos on here. I might as well honor my Wasband as a wonderful bird photographer. Some of his shots are like works of art. He actually saw some kind of duck from Iran the other day. Many birders were there to see the thing. He got some photos of it. I kept looking to see if it had little bombs attached to it. But it seemed clean. I’d hate to think there were suicide ducks flying over here. You can see the larger images by pressing ‘view all images’.

Also, some of the birds are rare for our area.  He will spend hours stalking a bird until he gets just the right shot.  He travels all over when he hears there is some bird somewhere that he hasn’t seen or photographed. He uses a digital camera with a lens the size of my arm.

Pre Raphaelite Paintings!

These are some of my favorite paintings. I am also still experimenting with this slide show business.

Tribute to My Son

 This is just an experiment to see if it would work.  These are just a few of my son’s fishing photos. Fishing is his passion.  Hopefully he will get to do some fishing soon.  There are not a lot of fish to catch in Buffalo right now.

How I Ended Up, This Morning, Sitting in a Broken Ass Car Freezing My Broken Ass

I have my own car but the steering wheel doesn’t work. Now, I can’t fix it myself, nor do I have the money to get it fixed so I have to wait until someone in the house feels bad enough for me and gets it fixed. Usually that’s my wasband. But instead of getting it fixed, he’s been bringing my daughter to the boat in her car , which I get to use all day and then he picks her up after work. It’s fine with me. Her car’s better than mine anyway.

This is similar to my daughter’s car. It’s a 2003 Outback.outback.jpg

She usually takes the boat on the right to get to work.island-home.jpg

This morning the wasband had a bird watching date (with a new woman he’s trying to hit on). He wanted to leave really early because I guess bird watchers like to get up with the sun unlike me.

1_61_sun_birds.jpg

So we decided I would have to get up early and bring my daughter to the boat if I wanted a car to use for the day, which I always do. I hate being home without a car, even if I have no plans to go anywhere.

Then we decided he should take my daughter’s car because he was going to be driving a good distance to meet this chick. I didn’t mind, as long as I have a car that will take me from point A to point B. He has a 1991 BMW piece of crap that brakes down regularly.

It sort of looks like this , only crappier.bmw.jpg

Well, my daughter and I got to point B and she got safely on the boat. All I had to do was get back to point A. As soon as I left Woods Hole I noticed some kind of white stuff coming out of the left hand corner of the hood. I was at a stop sign and thought maybe it was just the exhaust being blown by the wind towards the front of the car.

I don’t know a lot about cars but I had high hopes I would make it home and there was nothing wrong. Talk about denial. Soon, I noticed a lot more of this white smoky stuff coming out from under the hood. I got on my cell and called my wasband. He told me to look at the thing on the dashboard that’s always supposed to be in the middle, not towards the side on the right where it is red. Some sort of gauge. Well, it was way over in the red. Evidently , the car was overheating. He told me to pull over right away. Well, there really wasn’t any safe place to just pullover. Fortunately within a couple of minutes I saw a side street, pulled down the street and turned off the car. That’s when the smoke was everywhere. I was starting to think the car was on fire.

The crazy thing is that as I was driving my daughter to the boat, I was telling her how I don’t like to drive her father’s car because I am always afraid something is going to go wrong with it. The jinx gods were listening and they got me.

I called my wasband. He was in Newport, R.I. and he actually offered to come home to help me. I told him I would call AAA and just have the car towed home and not to worry and enjoy his date. What a good ex-wife I am. It was only 20 degrees oiutside so I told AAA I was handicapped and freezing and to please tell them to hurry. That’s when being handicapped does come in handy. They gave me a red priority. The tow truck showed up within a half hour.

tow-truck.jpeg

Well, that’s how I spent my morning. Everyone is gone today which is nice. I’ll have a quiet day. I can talk to myself and make a lot of noise and play loud music. I have to make a pot roast in the crock pot in a few minutes. I can do some puzzles to improve my concentration and memory, which I am going to try to do daily. I am also going to start walking up and down my driveway. Even if I can only do it once.

Did anyone see the eclipse last night? Thank goodness my son called me because I didn’t even know about it. It was very awesome at totality.

2008-lunar-eclipse.jpg

Updates on Various Subjects

I get the computer all to myself today. The wasband is doing a baseball card show. The daughter is flying home from Florida (business trip), the son-in-law is on his way to Boston to pick her up. She’s traveling at 32,900 feet. I checked one of those airplane sites that tracks planes. I shouldn’t do it because if the plane disappears off the screen I’ll have a heart attack.

I took this picture of a squirrel chowing down on my wasband’s bird food just a few minutes ago. I’ll show it to him when he gets home just to taunt him.

squirrel-in-front-yard.jpg

I started seeing a chiropractor. He’s a friend of my daughter’s and feels he can ease some of the pain in my back. He gave me a few exercises to do. I haven’t quite gotten to them yet.

I also didn’t go to my last two weight watcher meetings. Both times had to do with my alarm clock. I am a night owl. I stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning so I have to set my alarm to make the meetings. I always have my alarm set for 8:00AM because weight watchers is the only time I have to set it for. What I forgot the first week is the librarian was coming to deliver books to me so I reset the alarm for 10:30 AM. Of course, Saturday WW day rolls around, I go to bed turn on my alarm, go to sleep only to be woken up at 10:30 so I missed that meeting. This last Saturday I remember to set my alarm for 8:00 but it doesn’t go off and I oversleep again. That evening sure enough at 8:00PM the alarm goes off. Do you think my daughter will believe all this? It sounds so fishy but it’s true.

loud-alarm-clock.jpgMaybe I should get this alarm clock. They call it the alarm clock for “the deaf and dead”. It lights up and has a loud siren. I would just have to be sure to set it correctly.

My sister and I have been discussing my memory problem and have decided it’s more of a concentration problem. It takes me four hours to watch a two hour movie. I watch it for fifteen minutes then I have to get up and get on the computer for a few minutes or putter around doing something, then I go back and watch it and then putter around some more. It’s the same thing with reading. I used to be able to sit and read a book for 10 hours straight. Now I’m lucky if I last 10 minutes. I can’t decide if it’s some menopausal thing or just getting old, though I’m only 58 and I don’t consider that old. Can you develop ADD in your 50’s?

I know I am annoying the hell out of my daughter because she will tell me something and the next day I forget what she told me and I’ll ask her again and she will say (with grated teeth) “I told you that yesterday, mom”. I think it’s because I’m not forgetting what she tells me as much as I’m not concentrating on what she tells me. My mind certainly does wander. That’s why I like doing dishes and cooking. You don’t have to concentrate and you can let your mind wander all over the place. Peeling potatoes doesn’t take a whole hell of a lot of concentration.

peeling-potatoes.jpg

So my sister thinks I should start doing sudoku puzzles to hone up on my concentration skills. She’s probably right.

Well, I just checked the airplane, my daughter’s over Virginia Beach. I hate it when she flies. She’s flying to NYC in March and then in April she and her husband are flying to Vegas for his birthday. I don’t even drive over the bridge to get off Cape, I’m certainly not going to get in a plane. Something I need to work on with my therapist. Not the plane but the bridge.

749px-cape_cod_bourne_bridge_and_railroad_bridge.jpgBeautiful Bourne Bridge which I can’t drive over unless I’m with a driver I really trust.

Well, that’s it for today. I didn’t plan any supper because I didn’t know who would be home if anyone. Though I thought this looked interesting, a duck made out of vegetables. Do you think the kids would go for it?

vegetables-07.jpg

Oh, almost forgot, it looks like the plane is over NYC. It’s due in a half hour. Yea!!

My Sanctuary

Living with my daughter, her husband and my ex-husband has been interesting. I am fortunate to have a bedroom that I consider my sanctuary. I can go in there, close the door and not be bothered by the rest of the crew. I wouldn’t be able to tolerate this situation if I didn’t have a room that I loved so much.

I thought I would show you some pictures of my room. My wasband has been a computer hog for the last few days and I have had very little time on the computer. I can’t complain because it is his computer and I am lucky to be able to use it when I can.

my-bedroom.jpgmy-bedroom1.jpgmy-bedroom2.jpgmy-bedroom3.jpgmy-bedroom4.jpgmy-bedroom5.jpg

wendys-witch.jpg

dragon-table-from-design-toscano.jpg

Everything that I love is in this room. I went from a four room house with a full cellar to this one room. I had to get rid of a lot of my stuff to make room for the rest of the family but everything in this room I couldn’t part with.

Everything that I have been given or collected or just couldn’t part with is in this room. Sometimes I just sit and stare at all the stuff I love. Most of it has been given to me by friends and family so it has an important meaning to me and I just can’t part with it. I love my sanctuary.

The Attempted Electrocution of a Squirrel-Written by Barry

This is the original electrocution story written by my wasband. It’s a little long. I would have written it in half the words but I wanted to put it here in it’s original text. I couldn’t help myself, I had to correct spelling and punctuation. I was going to interview him the way Wendy does with Buck but instead I found the story printed out and left on my desk.

By Barry B.

There are certain things that happen in one’s life that define who you are as a human being or in my case who I am as a man. I was asked the other day to relate a story that is the very essence to that end. It was truly a defining moment and one that I will never forget. Try as I can, I cannot forget!

It happened some thirty odd years ago on Cape Cod during one of those hot summers that family vacations are made of. I have always been a bird enthusiast or bird watcher, if you will, and loved feeding them on my back porch to see the different varieties and numbers I could attract to my feeders.

birdfeedertrio01.jpg

We were far from financially stable at the time with family additions looming in the future and the mortgage and car payments never far from my thoughts. As a result of this, bird seed was a luxury and not just a needed item on the shopping list each week. So comes to light my dilemma. Just as I would watch my beautiful and colored friends fly ever so elegantly onto the sun deck and begin to feast on the seed I had put out for them to enjoy, a little head would pop out from the edge of the deck and proceed to run to the feeder and classically begin to ruin my little feathered friends lunch and in the process begin to unravel my life as I knew it.

squirrelstop-x450.jpg

The four footed nemesis that had entered my peaceful world was a squirrel. To this day that name takes on a world of it’s own. It has become one of my least favorite words in the English language. I would watch this cute little furry character take over the food supply and no matter what I did I could not change his mind to find another source of his stomach filler. He just did not have any desire to share the food as I thought would be only fair and proper. I guess fair and proper were not in his vocabulary as my feeble attempts at shooing him off the deck were met with constant resistance.

It got to the point that I would open the back door, chase him off the deck and by the time I arrived back at the indoor window he had already crept back and was devouring more seeds.

squirrel-485017.jpg

Over the course of the next few weeks my aggravation turned into something else. Call it a hatred, a loathing, a curse to my very soul, whatever, I just wanted to see this little gray rat with a furry tail, that piece of limp-bacon, that freakin little turd hair ball rodent, hang like Saddam Hussein. He became my Roadrunner from Coyote’s perspective. My Tweety bird from the cats beneath. I wanted him in no uncertain terms out of the picture and out of my life. To my chagrin, I also noticed of late, an increasing number of his friends would show up to further make my life a living hell.

squirrel-star-wars.jpg

Something had to be done and done immediately or I knew my mental faculties could not live up to the pressure.

I would watch this little magician figure out every possible thing I threw at him to stop him from getting to his treasure. I put up aluminum foil around the feeder thinking it would scare him, ya right!! I put the feeders on a pole that he would climb like he was a fireman. I even hung the feeder on a wire only to watch him dance across the line with the greatest of ease to get to his prize.

squirrel-wire.jpg

I was frustrated and humbled and was looking for desperate measures to end this menace’s advances. The first thing I did was to buy a trap.

loft-squirrel-pack.jpg

This was wildly successful as I caught the little varmints and transported them to the local park a few miles away only to find within days a new furry thief looking oddly familiar staring at me outside my window with an “attitude” about him.

squirrel8.jpg

I knew that I had to take this to a new level so I thought about my next move and what tactic I was going to employ.

After a few days, I came up with what I thought was the most brilliant thing I could think of. To those of you that know anything about electricity you can easily see major problems in my thinking as soon as I tell you what my plan consisted of. I am so bad when it comes to the electric side of things I make myself look foolish. One of my most memorable experiences with the invisible power friend we take for granted is the time my father- in- law and I were putting up sheetrock in an unfinished basement, when I banged in a nail using a metal handled hammer and hit the 220 line to the dryer in the next room straight on and when I came to on the other side of the room, all Stan could say was “WOW” and “I’ve never seen anyone fly across a room without his feet touching the ground and still live”. A touching reminder to my obvious lack of understanding the concept. The quarter sized exit wound on my foot probably should have given it away also.

But here I was, back at the point in my life that I was contemplating using electricity to make my life a better place. I would now attempt to use this magical power to make Rocky, the flying squirrel, truly a real life character.

squirrel.jpeg

My plan was to take a flat plate made of metal that I could use as a base for my device. I would then in turn take an old wire from a broken lamp and attach it by splicing it (though I didn’t know any cool terminology then, heh!) and attaching each end to the sides of the newly found muffin tin I located in the closet. I figured that I would put the tray outside, spread some seeds on the deck floor, and then take the end of the wire and plug it into the wall in the kitchen and like a flash the squirrel would be electrocuted like a murderer in the chair.

bush-halo-execution.jpg

I was out of my mind with anticipation and the finality of the insanity. The next few minutes, however, are mostly a blur in my life. I remember the part when I watched the squirrel run across the deck up onto the picnic table and onto the tray. I remember looking at him and saying something to the effect of “see-ya in the promised land” and I ceremoniously put the plug into the wall unit. Vaguely the next minute or so is a sea of colored lights, a sensation of extreme body heat, a face to face meeting with my maker, a remembrance of my family and friends and some recollections of past vacations and even an old dog I used to know. I know now that I basically electrocuted myself, blew half the wall out of the kitchen in the process, nearly burned my house down, changed my entire mental makeup, and for what? As I picked myself off the floor, I noticed my hand was still smoking from the shock, my hair was standing on end and my right arm was at least 3 inches longer than it was two minutes before.

As I looked outside to see what other possible damage may have occurred, I saw a sight that may have been the single most painful thing I have ever witnessed. There before me was this stupid looking animal looking back at me with the biggest shit eatin grin I have ever seen in my life just casually eating sunflower seeds.

hammy.jpg

I knew at that point I would never be the same. I was defeated and would not challenge this foe again. He won. He got me. I was humbled and defeated thoroughly and felt like a total ass. Even to this day the memory of that fateful afternoon still haunts me. I am defined by my ignorance. I know that I still buy a weekly lottery ticket, still pick up pennies only if they are face up, still kick rocks as I walk. These are things that define who I am. Why only last week after a foot of snow I still found myself time after time running outside to pack a snowball together to throw at the neighborhood squirrels that still come to the same yard all these years later.

And you know if you could understand their chatter to one another you would hear. “Hey Al, isn’t that the same guy who Uncle Fred used to talk about that blew himself up trying to electrocute Great Great Granddaddy Waldo years ago?? What an asshole, he thinks he can still beat us at this game. Isn’t he ever going to give up?” How can I know after all these years.

squirrel-vs-penguin.jpg

4 Things MeMe

I got this meme from Wendy at Life With Buck.

4 Jobs I’ve Had:

1. Stuffing cheap Christmas Stockings when I was 16

2. Putting little white covers 0n little empty boxes when I was 16

Neither of the above jobs lasted too long. Too tedious and boring assembly line work, done after school. It was like I Love Lucy all over again.

ball_chocolate_factory.jpg

3. Bank teller for many years

4. Owner of a health food store. My best job for 25 years

4 Movies Watched Over and Over:

The Man from Snowy River

Close Encounters of the Third Kind

Anne of Green Gables

The Stand

4 Places I’ve Lived:

Woonsocket, R.I.

Pawtucket, R.I.

Cumberland . R.I.

Cape Cod, Massachusetts

4 TV Shows I Watch

Lost

lost.jpg

American Idol

Prison Break

Top Chef

4 Places I’ve Been:

Florida, including Disneyworld, the Everglades and the Keys

Nova Scotia (honeymoon) camping because we had no money

Bar Harbor, Maine ,camping with the kids many times

White Mountains, New Hampshire ,camping again

4 E-mail subscriptions I receive regularly

Weight Watchers

Space weather

All Recipes

Sky and Telescope

4 Favorite Things to Eat:

These are the four I wish I could eat

pizza

cheese

Cape Cod potato chips

chocolate

These are the favorites I actually do eat

Popcorn no butter

Pumpkin vitamuffins

Turkey meatloaf

Teriyaki Pork Roast

4 Places I’d Rather Be:

England

Shopping in stores that don’t have cripple carts and not getting a backache from it

The beach in the summer and being skinny enough to not be embarrassed

Italy


4 Things to Look Forward to This Year:

Cookouts in the summer with lots of friends over

cookout.jpg

Losing 50 more pounds

Pinkletinks (Spring Peepers)

Being with my family


4 People to Tag:

4 people who want to do it.

Technorati Tags:

Previous Older Entries