I Need A Walker

So the deal is I have to get a walker.  We all know my favorite disabled accoutrement is my cane and I have some cool canes.

Have you ever tried to buy a cool walker?  I doubt it because they don’t make them cool. They are made to make you look as elderly and disabled as possible.

S0, your mission for tonight,  if you are willing to accept it is:  Help me come up with some ideas to decorate it.  They have to be fairly easy because I’m fairly lazy but come on folks,  we know I need cool stuff.   A  plain walker just won’t work for me.

I am due to be released on Wednesday.  I sure hope so.  I WANT TO GO HOME!!!!!

My boy, YODA

Oh, BTW,  I got this beautiful basket from Joy Erickson. She knows I am on weight watchers and got me something I could actually eat and love.  Thank you so much, Joy.  I did have to share some of it.  There isn’t much fresh fruit around here.

I have also received many cards and e-mails and I want to thank you all.  It really means a lot to me.

I think I am healing very well.  I do have to stay an extra couple of days because I haven’t reached the 90 degree angle that they want my knee to bend at.  I’ve reached 70 degrees though.  I am on a CPM machine every day for  6 hours.

I am on it 3 times a day for two hours each time.  It basically moves your knee for you. I also have physical therapy twice a day.

I had to change rooms a couple of days ago because I hadn’t slept in 4 days because of my snoring roommate.  The first night after I switched rooms I slept for 6 hours straight which is a record for me.  I still feel tired but much better.  You certainly don’t come here to rest.

I don’t have much else going on.  I’m going to bed early tonight.  Nighty Night!!!

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Why I Don’t Want To Work in a Nursing Home!

I’ve been at  “the Home”  for 3 days.  Just long enough to realize I could never work in a  “Home”.  I have to give these people a lot of credit.  I could never do what they do.  You have to be physically strong, mentally strong and crazy to work here. If you’re not crazy you have to have a lot of patience and really like your fellow man or woman.

I thought they still dressed like this.  I was wrong.

Imagine coming into my room and seeing me laying on the bed. I tell you I need a bedpan.  Your job is to stuff it under my broken butt without hurting me, wait until I am done and then clean my ass.  Now doesn’t that sound like a satisfying  job?

They not only clean us up but they serve our meals.  They even offer to put the cream in our coffee.   When they are not doing these jobs they are sticking needles in arms, taking blood pressure  and making sure we have non skid socks  so we don’t break our asses, again.

I think the worst part of the job for these workers is they have to be nice to rude, whiny, know-it-all people. The things some of these patients say to the nurses and aides shocks me.

I myself just spill water on the floor all day and then ring the buzzer so they can clean it up.  I don’t want them to feel useless. To be truthful,  I actually did spill stuff today more times than I would like to admit.  The guy taking care of our section cleaned it up with a smile.  I’m in rehab heaven at this place.

Truthfully, I have been treated so well  I might decide to stay.  A few of the nurses and aides remember me from the last time I stayed here.  I must have made an impression. The question is was it good or bad?

I haven’t had one single person be rude to me.  Everyone seems to be genuinely happy with their work.  Oh jeebus, I hope there  isn’t some Stepford Wives thing going on here.  You know, the owners drug or hypnotize all the employees to be perfect nurses and aides. That’s why they always smile when they empty the bedpans. OMG,  maybe I should stay awake tonight.

Wait they’re coming…………

Musings at “The Home”.

.  The following are a few of the things I spent my time doing today.

• Going to pee and  having a nurse pull down my pants.  OK,  maybe the guys would like it but I didn’t.
• Having the woman across the hall say “I don’t want to wake up dead in the morning.”
• Having my roomie  moan the better part of the evening.
• Waiting for the nurse to come and take care of my roomie  who moaned the better part of the evening.
• Watching my roomie look for her phone while she was talking on it. (This gave me 15 minutes of rapturous gaiety)
• Wondering how long it will be before Sarah and Obie figure out that they like having me in the home.
• Wondering why I can walk on my leg but can’t lift it off the bed.
• Tired of looking at my roomie’s underwear–while she is wearing it.
• Wondering why the hell they wake me up at 5:15 AM every morning.
• Wondering if they are going to serve that yellow stuff  for breakfast again.
• Wondering what that yellow stuff is they serve for breakfast.
• Wondering how I could end up in the same room I was in when I had pneumonia two years ago. ( 120— REDRUM)
• Wondering what I would be doing if I didn’t have all this stuff to wonder about.

My blood really is red.

My roommate’s side of the room.  I couldn’t get out of bed to take a photo of my side.

My chair is on the right.  I don’t sit in my chair.  It gives me ass pain.

Lunch

Flowers from my niece, Emily, and her hubby, John!!

Visitors–Pam and Brady!

I guess I really do have a lot of time on my hands.

Who Knew My Broken Ass Would Come Back And Bite Me!!

The most painful thing right now is my broken ass.  Broken asses suck!!  Yeah, you heard it here!!  I thought my knee would hurt and it does but not as much as my fat old ass.

I can’t really walk so I have to sit on my ass all day and it freakin’   hurts.  I can’t turn the other cheek ( and I’m talking ass cheek) because my knee hurts.  What’s a crippled old lady supposed to do?

Prepped for surgery!

After surgery!

Due to pain I am going to sign off for now but have no fear I am alive and I am going to cane the pain.  I miss you all and thanks for the cards and e-mails.  The hospital said they never got more e-mails at the same time for one person.  I’m sure they think I sent them to myself.

I’ll post more soon when they realize I need a pain reliever.

YooHoo’s Time On The Island Comes To An End!

After going to look at engagement rings YooHoo and I went for a ride.  I’m assuming you watched the video in my last post which shows how we got lost. We went into Oak Bluffs again and took a few more photos.

More Gingerbread houses

The East Chop Lighthouse

Helping me pack

Visiting my Fairy House

Patiently waiting while I take a shower

Saying Goodbye

YooHoo & Yoda say goodbye!

It’s a Go For Tomorrow and YooHoo Gets Engaged!

Yes, It’s a go and you can launch me right over to Falmouth Hospital tomorrow!!  I am ready to go.   I found out the good news this morning.  The surgery is on.

We have developing news about my kitty, Yoda and YooHoo!  They are in love.

Better yet, they are engaged.  YooHoo is still trying to decide which ring she likes the best.

While she was thinking she tried on lots of other jewelry.  She’s planning ahead for next Valentine’s day.

“The Wave”  is my favorite piece!!

I love the sea glass!!

I,  personally, question whether this engagement will last.  Long distance relationships usually don’t last.  Yoda is a stay at home kind of guy and YooHoo seems like a party girl.  Well, we’ll see.

Here is a 46 second video of YooHoo making fun of me.

I’ll have one more update tonight then away we go.

YooHoo Arrives On The Island by Plane

After going to the PO I jumped crawled in the car and whipped open YooHoo’s box.  Out she jumped right into my lap.  She Thought she was going to come by ferry but instead she got a plane ride.

I had to go the the Martha’s Vineyard hospital to have a urine test because I ended up with a UTI.  The doctor put me on Cipro for a week and today I had to get the final test. If I still have the UTI they will postpone the surgery

YooHoo and I set out for the hospital.  I had to sneak her in.  I doubt if you can bring animals into the hospital.

Yup, that’s pee in the cup.

The problem with the whole pee in a cup thing was that the first two times there was no pee to pee in the cup. I drank 6 cups of  water, 1 diet  coke and a cup of coffee.  The nurse assured me it would only take 15 minutes and I’d be able to pee.  WRONG!!!  Three hours late I finally got some pee in the cup.  I did go home and wait, though. Poor YooHoo, she was so bored.

We  then took the longer way home to see Oak Bluffs.  Unfortunately it was raining, snowing, sleeting and windy all at the same time.

The gingerbread houses in Oak Bluffs.

Finally we got home for good just in time to make supper.  YooHoo is quite the chef.  Together we made shepherd’s pie.

Yoda the kitty boy steals a kiss!

YooHoo lights a candle to set the mood (what a hussy)

YooHoo looking mighty pretty!

Yoda making his move.  I had to kick Yoda out.  He was getting way too friendly.

Well, they are both sleeping and I am heading to bed.  I hope it is sunny tomorrow so YooHoo and I can see the island.

The Baby Shower

It seems that I am planning the baby shower for Sarah and Obie.  They want to do a couples baby shower.  I guess I will be doing a lot of the planning from my hospital bed.  That will be good for me because it will keep me busy.

Sarah and Obie want to celebrate the upcoming birth of their little one with all their family and friends.  They have a lot of family and friends.  We obviously don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings so this is going to be a good sized baby shower.  We certainly won’t be able to stuff everybody in anyone’s house that we know.. We’re talking 80 or so people.  So I have to find a venue that is really cheap.  We are going to do a pot luck.

I’ve never given a baby shower so I hope I do it correctly.  It’s the last Sunday in April so I have to get hustling.  I will have lots of help from Sarah’s friends and my sister and my niece.  Sarah is not one to want to play games so I don’t have to worry about that plus I doubt if the guys would want to play baby games. We want it to be more like a big party with lots of good food, beer and wine.

She won’t get any more gifts by having the men and children come.  She’s not doing it for the gifts.  She just wants everyone to celebrate and have fun not just the women.  Also Obie is taking such a big part in her pregnancy it only seems fair that he gets to attend the shower.

So I have my work cut out for me.  I think it will be a fun day.  I definitely want to keep it low key, inexpensive and a really great time.

If you guys have any ideas for the shower, let me know.

I actually did get to feel new baby kick this weekend.  It was awesome!!!! I suspect this will be my last post until after the surgery.  Hopefully I will be able to get on the internet at the nursing care center.

The Dreads

I have the dreads and I don’t mean coils of knotted hair.

I’m talking about   “The Dreads”   ====”reluctant, apprehensive or fearful”.   Yes, I know, I am being a baby but I hate the idea of some doctor cutting into my tender skin.

Wednesday is the big day for my total knee replacement.  I will be at Falmouth Hospital until Saturday and then over to JML Care Center for a week to ten days.  My last name is Burden if you want to send me a card.  Yes, I do have a lot of nerve asking for cards and putting my last name here but what the hell.  You only live once so I might as well go for it.  I might as well disclose my last name.  What is anybody going to do–take over my identity, become a 59 year old cripple who uses a cane and doesn’t have any money or credit cards?  Be my guest!!

One good thing about the surgery, at least I hope it is a good thing,  and that is they don’t put you under they just sedate you and give you a spinal epidural.  I really didn’t like the idea of being put completely under.  Can you tell this is my first surgery?

OMG,  I forgot about all the Buddies that will be coming to my house.  I am such a dumbass.  I have to go talk to Javajunkee.

It Could Only Happen At Walmart!

I happened to come across this in our local newspaper.  Another news story that leaves me speechless.

Man discovers human teeth in new wallet.

By Aaron Gouveia March 03, 2009 FALMOUTH –

What’s in your wallet? A Walmart customer shopping around for a new wallet found 10 human teeth while looking through a wallet he was about to buy on Saturday night, police said.  Police said the man was shopping in the Teaticket Highway store at 9:58 p.m.when he unzipped one of the wallet’s compartments and discovered what police have identified as 10 human teeth. One tooth – which police said are from an adult – had a filling, police said.

The male customer turned the wallet and the teeth over to Walmart employees, but left the store without giving his name before police arrived. The wallet still had the original tags on it, but police said they cannot perform DNA tests because there was no blood and no gum tissue on the teeth.

Walmart officials did not release any further details but said the company will investigate. “We’re not aware of anything like this happening in the past and we believe this to be an isolated incident,” said Ashley Hardie, Walmart spokeswoman.

Police are hoping the unidentified male shopper comes forward to answer questions. Anyone else with information regarding the teeth can contact Falmouth police Det. James Pires at 508-457-2526.

Nice looking version of the recovered teeth!!

I saw the teeth on the local news.  It wasn’t like it was a set of teeth.  It was ten separate teeth and they weren’t in good shape.  This baffles me.  I’m always amazed at the dumbass things people do.  Was the toothless owner of the teeth lurking in the shadows waiting for the tooth fairy to show up?

It could only happen at Walmart.  A spokeswoman for Walmart said  “We believe this to be an isolated incident.”     Ya think? Will there now be a rash of people yanking out their teeth and hiding them at Walmart?

This also proves Cape Cod has it’s fair share of dumbasses. I read a second article about this in the local paper and I quote :

“The mystery has whipped up a media frenzy, a police spokeswoman said yesterday. The spokeswoman reiterated that police cannot perform DNA tests on the teeth because there was no blood or gum tissue present.

Anyone with information on the teeth is asked to contact Falmouth police Detective James Pires at 508-457-2526.”

I want to know what  the police are going to do with the person who left the teeth if they find him.  Exactly what law did he break and what will his sentence be if they find him guilty?    Any thoughts?