They’re Here!

Enough of ketchup and heath hens.  The dumbasses have arrived in all their summer finery.  The difference between the dumbasses in Falmouth and the dumbasses here is the dumbasses who come to the island for the summer are very wealthy.  There’s nothing like a wealthy dumbass behind the wheel of a car.  Gives a whole new meaning to my favorite word in the English dictionary.

dumb-ass

Also, dumbass. [duhm-as] Show IPA –noun Slang: Vulgar.

A thoroughly stupid person; a blockhead

Origin:
1970–75; Americanism

Dictionary.com Unabridged

So the wasband and I took a ride when he was here this past weekend.  It was Memorial Day weekend so the island was very crowded and we got a glimpse of what the traffic would be be like during the “high season”.   Barry was driving and we ended up behind a dumbass at a stop sign in town. The dumbass wouldn’t go.  He had plenty of chances but no,  he just sat there.  At one point I actually thought he was reading a book.  Barry said probably not.   Maybe it was a map, whatever.

Barry even held back and didn’t blow his horn or give him the finger. I thought he showed tremendous self control.  The guy  finally decided he could go, cutting off someone as he did.     We ended up behind him again.   He was absolutely the slowest driver ever.   Well, we started making stories up about him. I can’t really go into the stories.  They weren’t very nice.  We ended up laughing uncontrollably.  We also ended up following the dude so we could see what he looked like.  Oh I wish I’d had my camera with me.  He somehow managed to pull into a little strip mall with us on his tail.  We parked so we wouldn’t be seen but quickly realized this guy was oblivious and even if we parked next to him he wouldn’t see us.

I honestly don’t know if he realized there were other people in the world beside him.  It took him a good five minutes before he managed to get out of his car.  Like we thought he was very old and probably shouldn’t have been behind the wheel any more than a drunk driver should.    As a matter of fact I don’t know which is worse.  I guess a drunk old driver.

The problem here is I suspect I’ll be one of those old drivers in the not too distant future.  I think I’m already showing signs of old driver syndrome.  In heavy traffic I won’t ever, ever take a left at a stop sign.  My eyes dart around as I look for pedestrians to hit not to hit.  I’m dreading moped season.  Those damn mopeds are everywhere.

This is a moped protest in front of the local island moped rental store in Oak Bluffs.

Even with the traffic and mopeds I’m looking forward to summer.  Life is Good!!

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The Last Heath Hen

This is a true story.  A story I wanted to share with you in my own words.

Heath is an Old World term for an extended, uncultivated open space covered with herbage and low bushes. The colonial landscape of the early 18th century from Massachusetts to the Carolinas  had heaths large enough to provide homes for  heath hens. This bird was so plentiful that it was a staple food for indentured laborers in coastal New England.

Example of a heath

There were a few reasons why the population of heath hens started to decline.  I won’t go into that here.  By the 1870’s the only heath hens left were on Martha’s Vineyard.

By 1927 there were only a dozen or so heath hens left.  After December 28th, 1928 there was only one heath hen, a male.  The islanders had named him “Booming Ben”.    For the next three years Ben showed up every spring to call out to any female hen that would listen.    He would eat corn in Farmer Green’s  field hoping to find a mate.  He waited and waited to no avail.  On March 11, 1932, Farmer Green saw Ben scurrying under a bush.  That was the last time anyone  ever saw Ben again.   He had lived a lonely solitary life booming his soothing call across the fields waiting for his true love to answer.  He died that year, alone,  the last heath hen.

How fast does your ketchup flow?

There once was a government study done on the flow rate of  ketchup.   Did we really have to pay someone to find out how fast ketchup flows?  Remember when it was spelled catsup–not any more.  Catsup came from the word Catchup  which goes back as far as 1690. Catsup came in use around 1730.  Now, all the major companies who make it call it ketchup.

Any product that a manufacturer wants to call ketchup has to follow a strict set of guidelines that the FDA came up with.  There is a very narrow range for the flow rate.  Hence the government study.  The first ketchup didn’t even have tomatoes in it.  So I’m wondering if  I made a ketchup like  product and called it catsup–would I have to follow those guidelines or could I make it really thin or really thick?

I love my job.

And don’t forget…

Now you may ask  “Why is she writing about ketchup?”.   I honestly don’t know.  I do know that there is a helluva lot of information on line about ketchup.  I’m thinking I better learn about mustard.  How could I not?

This is interesting.  Let’s compare bullets to ketchup.

I guess I’m just trying to keep busy to pass the time away so I started thinking about ketchup.

Ketchup isn’t just for eating anymore

1.   cleans copper

2.  makes great fake blood

3.  helps remove skunk odor

4.  wash your hair in it if your hair turns greenish from chlorine

5.  polishes silver

6. speed painting — and here’s the video that shows you how

2 Weeks From Today

2 weeks from today I will turn 60.  That thought hit me on the head like a brick  yesterday. So I am back to weight watchers after a 3 month hiatus.   I went to my first meeting yesterday.  I checked on line to be sure it wasn’t canceled because of the holiday and  headed out.  I arrived to see the leader on her cell phone by her car and a somewhat empty parking lot.  She hadn’t posted the fact that the meeting was canceled.  She was kind enough to weigh me in.  I really haven’t lost any weight in the past year but on the other hand I haven’t gained much.  My highest weight a little over two years ago was 350 pounds.  I weighed in today at 266 pounds.  My goal is to be under 200 pounds by Christmas.

Every Monday I will be posting how I do.  I really have to get back on track.  I invested way too much time and effort on this soI have to keep up.

Also 2 weeks from today my granddaughter is due to be born.  I need to be in better shape if I want to keep up with her.  It’s been almost 11 weeks since I got the new knee.  It is so nice to not have that knee always hurting.  If anyone is questioning whether to get a total knee replacement I would definitely recommend it.  I still have the back problems and need to get another facet block.

One more note about 2 weeks from today.  Johnny Depp was born.  Woo Hoo!!!!!

I have to clear my head right now.  That writer’s block thing is hanging around me.

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Sunday Shower and I Don’t Mean Rain

Not much to write.   The photos say it all.  The shower was at our house.

In The Blink of an EyE

Do you know how fast a dumbass can make a dumbass move?  You got it:  In the blink of an eye. It makes it very difficult for me to do my self appointed job:  Make videos of dumbasses.   OK, everybody has a hobby.  So what, if my hobby is being a paparazzi of dumbasses.  What dumbasses don’t realize is how funny they are.  I mean if I don’t video them and put them on YouTube someone else will. And I don’t even get paid for it.  I do it for the sheer joy.

The problem that faces me is how to catch them in the act.  In the summer I really just have to go to the beach. I’ll bet you didn’t know but they have meetings there.   The dumbasses all gather in their speedos and beach costumes.

Now before I get into the dumbasses. Check this out.

You can buy this bathing costume for $49.99

Or you can buy this Prada bikini for $180.00.

The first one has ten times the material but is only 1/3 of the price of the Prada.  I actually think the first one would look better on me.  It would probably look better on a lot of people.

Which bathing suit would you rather see on the following woman?  So I looked for a picture of a fat woman in a bikini and I actually didn’t have the nerve to post it.  It was so freakin’ gross.  So I’m posting the following:

I guess it all comes down to dressing appropriately. Here is an example of NOT dressing appropriately.  If this guy was dumb enough to wear a speedo he deserves to be on the internet. You have a speedo, a mullet, a beer gut and man boobs all in one shot. Jeebus, I hope he’s not a relative to any of you.

I’ve gotten a little off track here going from dumbasses to dressing appropriately but  I guess if you don’t dress appropriately you are a dumbass which takes us back to all the dumbasses meeting at the beach.  Wow, did you see how I worked this? We went right in a circle and are back to where I started–dumbasses.  Isn’t the circle of life grande? Wow, I typed dumbass 12 times!!!!  I’m not making fun of fat people.  I am fat.  I just dress appropriately.

Some Thanks Are Due

I want to take time to show you the wonderful gift that Two Lazy Dogs made for the new baby.  This is one talented gal.  She also sells her crafty crafts on her Etsy site The Nifty Thrifty Girl.

This lovely gal was also on our Host a Buddy program.  You know,  all those little stuffed animals you saw here.  I just,  finally, got my buddy, Nibbles back.  He’s been away from home for almost 3 months.  He’s traveled all over the country.  I wish I could have gone with him.

Two Lazy Dogs also made the little collage next to Nibbles.   Each original painting collage is made with hand-painted newspaper, scrapbook paper, wrapping paper, acrylic paint and ink.  I want to thank her for sending me the collage with my little Nibbles.

Sarah is having another baby shower on Sunday. Her bosses are putting it on and it will be here at our house.   I’m looking forward to that.

Two More Buddies Come To The Island

Bongo and Super Pickle showed up on the island this week.  I think they enjoyed their visit.  There isn’t too much to do here in the spring but I took them for a ride with me, Sarah, the wasband and my best friend of 50 years who came to visit.

Our first stop was a sheep farm.  This is the farm’s store They sell sheep stuff.

Super Pickle and Bongo got to visit the baby sheep.  The lambs tried to eat Super Pickles feet.

After seeing the lambs we went out to see the cliffs at Gay Head. The following photo is what it would have looked like if it wasn’t totally foggy.

All we got was the fog

After we got home everyone was tired and the buddies chilled in the window with Yoda.

Finally they went nighty night in my bed sleeping on my water pillow.