The Binky

First watch the short video of Lilah and her crazy binky.

I didn’t realize the whole time I was doing the video of her she was giving me the finger.  That is just SO Lilah. And those pink elephant ears she has are supposed to keep her from sagging over in her car seat.  They work great but she looks like a character from Star Wars.

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Friday 2:23 PM

Sarah and her spawn (I have to quit using that word.  I know she’ll find out) baby are at the hospital at some Mommy group.  I think Sarah will be the only one to show up.  The rest of the babies are probably afraid of Lilah.

I have an hour of peace and quiet.  I’m alone.  I can actually hear the birds in the trees.  They seem to disappear when Lilah is around.  In a minute I’m going to search her room and find the wand.  You know, the magic one.  I know it’s up there somewhere.  I figure if I can get hold of  it I can destroy it.

I found pizza crumbs in her bassinet this morning.  It must mean something.  I’m too tired now to figure out what.  I did look up sleep deprivation.  Sleep is so important to our overall health that total sleep deprivation has proved  to be fatal: lab rats denied the chance to rest die within two to three weeks.  Insufficient rest can also cause people to have hallucinations. This means something but I’m not sure what.

I keep wondering what her plans are for me. She’s locked the filing cabinet so I can’t get in.  I know her hitlist is in there.

I checked her bookcase.  You should see the books she’s reading.  She seems to have a lot of books by a Mother other than her own, last name of Goose.    What a STRANGE NAME.  i’D CHANGE IT IF IT WERE ME.  oH, MY CAPS lock mysteriously turns itself on and off.   So many strange things happening.  I must keep my guard up.  She has another book called “Rosemary’s Baby”.  Who is Rosemary?  I must find out.

Oh, and when I do sleep for a few minutes the nightmares hit.  I dreamed that hell was playing the game Candyland for eternity.  I must right write a note to myself.  Never buy that game for Lilah.  I had another nightmare.  I dream I’m Kate Gosselin ( you know, that  TV reality show with the mom who has twins and sextuplets).. I dreamed there were 6 of Lilah.

I have to go pick them up at the hospital now.  I’d better hurry.  I don’t think Lilah likes tardiness.

update  2:01 AM

The only sound I can hear is that blood curdling scream.  I changed her diaper. I fed her a bottle (freshly pumped).  I burped her.  Proof of burping on my shirt.  I even sang her a lullaby.  Maybe that’s what made her scream.
I’m running out of options.  I guess we’ll watch a movie.  I hope she picks something I like.

My eyes are closing NEED SLEEP……………..

The proof is in the photo.  She’s wearing black and look at the strange sign on her shirt.  Memo: find out about the sign.

 

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I think I just need some PEACE!!!!!

Bad Blogger

Yup, that’s me  “Bad Blogger”.  My blogging is going down hill.  I haven’t been leAVING COMMENTS ON MY BLOG AND HAVE HARDLY BEEN WRITING BLOGS.   Crap, I had that stupid caps lock on AGAIN!!!!!  yOU KNOW WHAT/  I’m not even going to fix it. 

I have been reading blogs and not even leaving  comments.   Oh, and you people, my so called friends–why didn’t you remind me  of what I was in for?  I didn’t sign up for this.  All I remember about having babies is how cute they are.

I forgot how much babies cry.  I forgot about mustard yellow poop that runs down their legs and gets on your capris.  I forgot they spit up all over your shirt.  I forgot about burp cloths.  I forgot about the giant diaper bag that goes wherever you go and weighs 50 pounds.  Oh, and those new fangled car seats that are like Transformers.  WTF!!!!!  That damn thing turns into a stroller then it morphs into a swing and I’m afraid to see what it does next.  I hope I’m not home alone when it transforms into a giant high chair that flies.  And that thing you stuff in their mouth to keep them quiet?  What do they call it?  A binky or some such nonsense?  She can spit it out about 20 yards.  And if I don’t run and get it she screams at me until I do.

Sleep?  Do people actually sleep anymore?  I don’t.   Little Lilah has some syndrome or something. She has day and night mixed up.  We take her everywhere during the day..  She’s an angel.  Everyone comments about how quiet she is in restaurants.  I thought babies couldn’t see that well.  Well this baby has 20/20.   She recognizes our house.   She knows when we get home because she starts screaming as soon as we walk through the door and guess what ?    She keeps it up all night. 

Sarah doesn’t mind.  She knocks on my door about midnight and says ” Mom, can you take the baby now?”   I did promise Sarah I would help her so I say  “Yes, dear,  I’ll take your spawn.”  Oh and the baby has figured out how to fart and burp at the same time.  What the hell else has the wasband been teaching her?

I should have password protected this post.  I’ll bet she can read.  I’ll bet she is already planning how she’s going to keep me up all night.   Oh, and here are some photos of her room.  She already has more clothes than me.  She even has a filing cabinet.  It probably contains a list  of her victims.  You know, the ones she is so cute with during the day and then  decides to torture at night.

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This kid has it all planned out.   She knows she is so damn cute and we will do anything for her.  We are such dumbasses– falling for her wily ways.  She’s got us all under her control.  I think I saw her outside the other night casting some spell on us.   I think I saw her holding a wand or maybe it was a little cane.  I don’t know.  Maybe I imagined it all in my sleepless daze.

 

Would you trust this baby?  She’s just biding her time.  Waiting. Waiting until midnight when she can strike again.

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Lilah Goes to the Beach

Sarah and I took Lilah to the beach the other day.  Fortunately there were no sea gulls trying to eat our sandwiches. Now, I know what you are all wondering.  Were there any dumbasses at the beach?  I looked long and hard but didn’t find any.  Statistics would indicate there had to be some there but if they were around they were keeping their dumbassness to themselves. 

 

Lilah saw one but I missed it.  She stuck out her tongue at him.

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She saw something that shocked her but I missed that too.

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Then she fell asleep from all the excitement.  Don’t worry, Mumma’s not choking me.  She’s just  burpng me.

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Look Alikes

Sarah with her Dad.

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Lilah with her Dad.

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Happy July 4th!!

I hope everyone has a great day today.  Sarah and  Obie are going out for dinner and fireworks.  Just the two of them.  I get to stay home with Lilah and I’m happy to do so.   I think Mumma and Daddy need some alone time.

Lilah and I are planning on partying.  We wll sit on the porch and hopefully hear the fireworks.  I have some sparklers whinh we will light.  It’s a gorgeous day and the evening is supposed to be wonderful too.  The fireflys are out so we will see them too.

 

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