To The Moms: When Your Child Is Not Done With Drugs

My son went to another funeral this week. I say another because many of his friends have died. I asked him about this girl who had over dosed. He told me she was in recovery and attended meetings. I asked how could she go back and use again. His answer was simple. “She wasn’t done yet.”‘ Until a drug addict is “done” there is nothing you can do to help them. All you can do is wait. I waited 10 years. For all of you who are waiting you need to start thinking about yourselves. You need to take care of yourselves. You need to take care of the rest of your family.

I learned that lesson the hard way.  My son has been sober for over 20 months after 10 years of drug use, mostly heroin.

 Damon Before and after

The photo on the left is my son when he was using heroin.  The photo on the right is my son now.  He is with his niece, Lilah.  He wasn’t allowed to see her the first few years of her life but now they are building a relationship.  The photo below is Damon with his nephew, Silas.


So, to anyone who reads this,  please don’t enable your child.  Let your child go.  I know it is a hard thing to do but an addict has a better chance of surviving if you don’t give them money, shelter or food.   Yes, your child may overdose but there is also a good chance your child will finally seek help when he finally has no place to go.




4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. trishatruly
    Apr 07, 2013 @ 17:25:12

    Truly one of the hardest bits of advice but one of the most sincere and important. Until one has gone through the agony of watching a loved one drop lower and lower and waiting and wondering when “rock bottom” was gonna be.. well, you just can’t grasp such a message.
    Thanks for saying this so well and so succinctly, my friend. May we both know peace and joy.


  2. Peter Parkour
    Apr 07, 2013 @ 22:46:23

    This title scared me. *wipes sweat from brow* Everyone is looking so good. 🙂 (((((HUGS)))))


  3. SouthPoleLibrarian
    Jun 25, 2013 @ 22:03:49

    I found you while bumbling around looking for comfort. My beloved brother is in hospice for cancer. He is also a drug addict and how I wished he could have known peace before he began the journey to leaving us. Seeing your family working the program and finding their way back to one another is so comforting to me. Thank you for taking the time to write and to share your journey. I am sure you have been a beacon for many who have not let you know. I know you were for me.


    • joanharvest
      Jun 27, 2013 @ 00:42:32

      Thanks for stopping by and for the nice words .I am so sorry to hear about your brother. I can’t imagine how your family copes with such sadness. I am a member of a Facebook group called “The Addict’s Mom”. There are almost 3700 members who face a family member’s addiction every day. The sad part is that no one sees an end to this epidemic Not only Moms are members. There are Dads, Brothers, Sisters and even recovering addicts all looking for a place to go to vent frustration, receive understanding and to learn better ways of coping.. Next month my son will celebrate 2 years of sobriety. He is a happy person now with a job he loves, a wonderful girlfriend and a peaceful heart. I will say a prayer for your brother that he somehow will find peace in his heart too.


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