Weight Watchers Saturday!! OOPS! I Didn’t Go!! More Dancing!!

Being the party girl that I am now, I went out Friday night with my son.  The wubby and his girlfriend were here and they are early risers.  I mean like they get up at some ungodly hour in the night morning. This means they go to bed at some ungodly hour in the evening at night.  I’m talking 9:00PM.  My night is just beginning then. Yes, you two, I’m talking about you!!!  Ha! Ha!

Actually I love having Leslie over.  She is the best. But her and the wubby do get up with the birds and then go bird watching and evidently the best time to do that is freakin’ early.

Leslie!  This is probably very early in the morning.  I am probably soundly sleeping.  She and the wubby are on the hunt for some elusive bird.  They sure do have a good time doing this.  I give them both kudos for going out and doing what they love.

Anyway,  Damon and I are respectful and we were being quiet so as not to wake them but by 11:00PM we were tired of being quiet so we left the house with the police scanner to see what was happening in town.  We drove by the local bar, Grumpy’s Pub (they call it the last dive in town),  and decided to stop in.  This is where the old sign from my store is hung up over the pool table.

Damon met up with a friend who was with a young couple.  The girl and I ended up talking the rest of the time.  She was a really sweet girl.  Damon played pool and some old man asked ME to dance.

I didn’t bring my cane in because I wanted to look cool and not like an old lady.  Now I say some old man, he probably was my age,  but everyone my age looks so old.  What’s that all about???  I’m so young in my head.   Now I’m thinking as he’s standing there, should I be dancing without my cane? Could this possibly be a good idea?  I’m not wearing a $1400 ass bag.  Also, I have been drinking.  Now let’s look at my history.  I’ve already broken my ass once.  I’m wobbly when I’m sober.  This could be a bad idea.

But I’m looking good so I figure WTF and I said yes to him.  So there we are.  I’m trying to dance without my cane and two drinks in me and not fall over.  Then he starts like twirling me around. Like doing the jitterbug or something.

OK, this wasn’t exactly what it looked like but it was close.  OK, I exaggerate.  It looked nothing like this.

Holy Shit!!  It’s amazing but I didn’t fall.  After the dance we parted ways.  I said thanks and went over to Damon to save me from further ass problems.  I didn’t want to push my luck with the dancing thing.

The unfortunate thing is I forgot my camera.  I would have had Damon make a video.

Then we left and went to yet another pub.  This was The Courtyard, owned and operated by former Boston Bruin, Jay Miller.

The Courtyard, but picture it at night.

Damon of course, met up with another couple of friends.  I ended up talking to one of the band members of the band I saw at this bar a couple of weeks ago when I got my lap dance.

We stayed until the bar closed.   Oh, don’t worry, Damon doesn’t drink and he drove. I came home and didn’t even set my alarm for weight watchers.

So that is why I didn’t go to weight watchers.  Lame excuse, I know.  But I sure had fun.

Interruptions! Peace and Quiet Or The Lack There Of!

First I lived with my parents.  Then I got married and lived with the husband and two kids.  Then I got divorced and lived without the wasband and the two kids.   My daughter went out on her own and I lived alone with my son.  Then my son spent a few winters away from home and I lived a solitary life (peaceful and quiet)  though I still worked.  Then I stopped working and my daughter and her husband moved in. It was still relatively quiet because they worked a lot.  Then the wasband moved in who only works about 4 days a month though he does a lot of bird watching and now has a girlfriend to occupy some of his time but certainly not all.  Now the son is back home for just a while, two weeks so far.

All my peace and quiet (and computer time) has gone down the drain.  The funny thing is I can’t decide whether I love it or hate it.  I sort of like the hustle and bustle of family life.  Then on the other hand I sort of don’t.  With family life comes family drama like on TV.  You know, those family dramas.  There are the old ones I remember like Dallas, Falcon Crest, Family and the Waltons.

“Family” 1976

I’m thinking we have our drama here but lately it’s becoming more a comedy of errors.

Definition of “Comedy of Errors” by Wikipedia:

“A comedy of errors is dramatic work (often a play) that is light and often humorous or satirical in tone, in which the action usually features a series of comic instances of mistaken identity, and which typically culminates in a happy resolution of the thematic conflict.

A slight variation of the “Comedy of Errors” discipline is Farcical theater, which revolves around humor caused by the foolish mistakes of unintelligent characters and the chaos that derives from it. Examples of farcical comedies include Fawlty Towers and Men Behaving Badly – Both from British Sitcom.”

I’m thinking I’m living more of a farcical theater comedy especially “Men Behaving Badly”.  Now Barry plays solitaire on the computer quite often and don’t say you don’t,  mister.  I know you’re reading this.  So I am typing the symptoms of Solitaire addiction for you. (I wouldn’t bother doing this if you used a deck of cards.)  You might possibly need to go to some SA (Solitaire Anonymous) meetings. (I just want the computer).

Symptoms of Solitaire Addiction

Signs of an addiction to solitaire are similar to those associated with computer addiction. Warning signs to look for include:

• Getting a “rush” when playing the game
• Feeling guilty about playing the game, even as you continue to play
• Not being able to control the amount of time you spend playing solitaire
• Lying about the amount of time you spend playing and thinking about the game
• Becoming upset when someone or something in real life interrupts your game playing time
• Playing solitaire when you are sad or upset to avoid dealing with your feelings

In addition to the symptoms named above, physical warning signs can also be evident:

• Carpal tunnel syndrome
• Reoccurring head and backaches
• Dry eyes
• Trouble staying on a regular eating schedule
• Neglect of personal hygiene

Now I myself don’t have an addiction to my computer.  Oh,  BTW (notice my use of acronyms),  this is what I want for Christmas.

In 2005, North Carolina State Senator Austin Allran proposed anti-solitaire legislation. He wanted to erase all games, especially solitaire, from all computers in state use. Allran felt that government employees were spending too much time being idle and wasting taxpayer’s money. He believed that millions would be gained in increased worker productivity. On a similar note, New York City Mayor Bloomberg  fired a city employee for playing solitaire during work hours.

Sorry the computer has been too busy for me to get time to visit your blogs but I will remedy that soon, somehow.

Check This Out!! “Crazy Talk With Joan” at The Bead Den!!

The Bead Den has been working on a new program on her computer.  You take a still photo and make the lips move and give it facial expressions and then dub in the voice.  I let her use me as a test subject.  It is hilarious.  It is so funny to see my photo on You Tube but her voice coming out of it,  my lips moving and in sync with her voice and my eyes blinking.  Here is a link.  She calls it “Crazy Talk With Joan”.  It’s crazy alright but I love it.

I’ve been really busy this week trying to get all of Damon’s affairs in order so he can move to South Carolina. Now I find out he lost his debit card along with everything else. I’ve thought of just laminating everything and super-gluing it to his body like a tattoo.  We’ve also been hanging out together a lot.  I don’t know when I will see him again once he leaves.

I’ve been cooking up a storm.  I can’t believe how much 5 adults eat.  Especially when 3 of them are hungry men. I went to the grocery store yesterday with my brother and I bought broccoli for one meal. My brother asked me why I was buy so much.  Ha!  There wasn’t one drop left over. We had it with Jerk Beef on Jasmine Basmati rice.  I told my wasband it was named after him.  I’m glad he can take a joke.

Today I am cooking in the crock pot again.  This time it is Orange and Dijon Pork Chops.  It’s a new recipe.  I hope they like it.  Tough luck if they don’t!! 🙂

It hasn’t been cooking long so it doesn’t look that good yet!!

I do miss my routine though. I get up in the morning and my son is on the computer so no blogging for me.  I try to get on in the afternoon and the wasband is on.  I try to get on at night and the boys are in the living room watching sports or playing Texas Hold Em’.

I will miss my son when he leaves but I will look forward to my routine of blogging and hunting down dumbasses.  There will be a lot less of them now that the tourists are going home. That’s good in some ways but who can I laugh at.  Oh, the wasband is home during the week.  I always have him. Only kidding, Wubby!!

The Registry of Motor Vehicles Sucks!!!! Get Human!!

I spent about 5 hours dealing with the registry of motor vehicles yesterday.  Damon has a Florida license which he lost (He loses everything.  He’s just like his father) .  We are trying to get him a Massachusetts driver’s license so he can just use my house as his main residence.  He travels around so much it’s crazy to switch his driver’s license every time he moves somewhere new.

We went to the local registry to see what is involved in getting a Massachusetts license.  After waiting in the queue for 45 minutes we were finally told that we needed a certified driving record from Florida, and two forms of ID.  Fortunately he has a passport but they want his social security card which of course he lost.

We went home and I proceeded to try to find the correct person to talk to in Florida to get the above driving record.  OMG ( Acronym for I hate those fucking telephone menus and I am going to murder some one soon.)  I was on the phone for over three hours going from one effin menu to one dumbass after another then another effin menu then another dumbass.  You’ll notice on my next video I have half the hair I used to.  The rest is on the floor next to my computer chair. I was pulling it out while listening to the worst music in the world as I sat there on hold.

Finally I was able to get the correct answer to my one simple question.  At one point a woman could find no record of Damon ever having a license in Florida.  I know he did because I got him a duplicate the FIRST time he lost it.

Now I have to deal with the social security aspect of the thing .  I hope his passport will be enough ID to get him a new card.  We will go there today.  Wish me luck. No, wish the person who waits on me luck.

Now to top it all off.  The Wasband has decided to get the minivan fixed and put it in Damon’s name.  To transfer the van to Damon we need the title which of course the wasband lost. Also the front plate was stolen in Buffalo.

This is the minivan.  Notice it is parked next to the rubbish and recyclables.  I hope the trash people  don’t take it by mistake.

Do you see a trend here?   I am left to fix this mess because the two of them combined couldn’t sort it out.  No offense to either one.  I love them both but I wish they would quit losing stuff. I still have my original social security card I got 43 years ago.  To the wasband’s credit, so does he.

Here is a link to a list of companies and how to avoid there menus and talk to a human (I hope they are human. We are probably outsourcing to some other planet and speaking to reptilian aliens.)

“Hello, May I help you?”

Some Things I Don’t Understand…..

This isn’t going to be one of those posts about “why I don’t understand the state of the world” or any of that stuff ( I so much wanted to type “crap” but that would be so unpolitically correct, I couldn’t get myself to do it).

It’s not that the state of the world is crap, well, actually,  it sort of is,  but I get tired of hearing about it. I know it’s almost voting time but I am so tired of Obama, Hillary, Sarah (not my daughter, I never tire of her), and McCain and Obama’s running mate,  what’s his name that I am mostly just ignoring the whole thing.

I have other things that I don’t understand. They may not be of world importance but I don’t freakin’ understand them.  Like this whole acronym thing.  I now have a permanent link to www.acronymfinder.com, just so I can keep up.  I guess kids use them when they text a lot which I can barely do at all.  It takes me ten minutes just to text “Call Me”.  I might as well just dial the number and call the person myself.  It’s just he doesn’t always answer.

A lot of you guys people use DH.  Now I am thinking that is “dumbass husband”.  But I can’t find that one at acronym finder.  I suppose it could mean “darling husband”.  If it does than a lot of you gals are very lucky except I will never know which ones are referring to the dumbass or the darling.

So I put in a google search for “dumbass husband” and this photo comes up.

New York governor Eliot Spitzer and his wife, Silda, at a press conference after being linked to a prostitution ring.  Dumbass?  Yea, I would say so.

Now If I type DW, will you know who I am referring to?  But then you will have to guess:  Am I referring to him as a dumbass or darling or dear or dirtbag?   You will never know.  Some of you won’t even know what the W stands for if you are just reading my blog for the first time.

Another Wasband self portrait.  I will tell you, I would never refer to him as a dirtbag. He is so not a dirtbag.

My top ten things I don’t understand today.  It changes daily.

10. Why are there so many grackles outside and are they actually talking to each other and if they are,  WTF are they talking about?

9. Why don’t my kids pick stuff up off the floor when they see it?  Is it actually possible that I am the only one that sees this stuff that I let stay on the floor for days just to see if they will pick it up?  Give me a break, I have a bad back for God’s sake.  I don’t want to fall ass over teakettle again just picking up a piece of rubbish.

8. Why do they call getting older the “golden years”?   Honestly, they (whoever they are that is in charge of coming up with these little catch phrases) could have come up with something a little more realistic like the “forgetful years”.

“The keys to a high-quality life after age 60 are health, money, and having a meaningful life, a Canadian study shows”. Really?  You could have fooled me.

7. Why do cats do that kneading thing ( I call it “making muffins” ) on my stomach or my best furniture?  OK, I just looked it up and there are a couple of answers for that here. I don’t know if I believe them because when I look into Yoda’s eyes when he is doing it I know he is just trying to annoy me. So I guess I DO understand this one but I am not deleting it after writing all this and doing all this research. (all 2 minutes of it).

6.  Why can’t I remember conversations from yesterday?  Oh yea, right, it’s the “golden years”.  F*#^ that!!!!

5.  I don’t understand “obliviates”.  Those are the people you see around town that are totally oblivious to everyone around them.  I know I am oblivious to my surroundings on occasion. Everyone is,  but all the time?  If you watch them long enough, you know that it is all the time for some of them.  Do they just not care about the rest of us?  Are they just dumbasses?  Are they just arrogant?  They annoy me especially when I am driving.  The ones that don’t use blinkers need a good caning.  And what about the ones that take a left but go way over to the right to do it so you can’t pass by them while they are at a stop waiting to turn.  What are they thinking?  Oh, and the ones in the grocery store pushing their wagons like they are the only ones in the store. Thank goodness I am a good cripple cart driver or they would have mowed me down ages ago.  Oh, I have to add this.  The oblivious parent!!!  Do you not know your child is running rampant through the store?  I don’t understand You!!!!!

4.  Oh, of course, how could I forget.  Well that’s easy it’s the “golden years”.  ACRONYM : Alphabetic Collocation Reducing Or Numbing Your Memory.

3.  Why oh why do I eat when I am not hungry?  This weight loss thing would go so much faster if I didn’t.  Now who is the dumbass or dumbpig in this case?

2.  Why haven’t they discovered “time travel”.  Or have they????? And who the hell is “They” that I keep referring to?  Muldaur and Scully, I need you to answer a few questions for me.

Huh?

1.  Why is there such a mess on my the DW’s computer desk?  I better clean it up before he gets home tonight.  It’s a week’s worth of crap.  Shows off my organizational skills,  eh?

I Leave Tomorrow For Martha’s Vineyard! Also Tomorrow is my 39th Wedding Anniversery!!

So tomorrow starts my big three day weekend on the Vineyard.

The concert will be in Oak Bluffs.  I will be selling tickets in the VIP area. I will have my camera ready.  Hopefully everyone will be nice to me.  I don’t want to deal with any dumbasses and I’m sure they don’t want to be on You Tube.

You’d think I was flying across the world instead of taking a 45 minute boat ride to an island 5 miles away.  I have lists and then more lists.

My lists.  See if you can make sense of them.

Obie will take me to the boat and get me on with my wheelchair and luggage and Sarah will meet me on the other side and help me off the boat.  I will have to walk up a rather large hill because it would be too hard for her to push me in the wheelchair but I can stop and sit in the wheel chair to rest.   Hopefully I won’t roll back all the way down the hill at high speed and end up in the ocean.  But if I do I’ll have Sarah take a video of it.

My childhood friend Nancy and her whole family, coincidentally, are going to be on the Island on Monday so we will have lunch with them.  She’ll have her first new (5 months old) grandchild with her. I can’t wait to see him.  We will eat at the Seafood Shanty.

Saturday night we will go to dinner with Sarah’s two bosses.  That will be fun too.  I don’t know where we are going to dinner.

Then to top it all off tomorrow is my 39th wedding anniversary.  That is if I was still married.  But the Wasband and I are going to celebrate it on Monday night along with his ex-girlfriend, Meg, and his currant girlfriend, Leslie.  He is taking us all to see Coco Montoya, a blues guitarist at Chan’s in Woonsocket, R.I., the town I was born in.  We’ll have dinner there too. That will be fun too because we all get along great. I don’t know too many guys who could pull that off and have all the women be happy.

Sarah and Wasband at her wedding 4 years ago

The wasband and I at our wedding 39 years ago tomorrow.

I’m going to my weight watchers meeting in the morning. I was going to skip it but I shouldn’t.  It will remind me how to eat in restaurants so I don’t screw up.  Then I will take the 1:00 PM boat out of Woods Hole. I’ll take lots of photos and video.  I might be able to blog on Sarah’a laptop to keep you all up to date.

Two Days Of Fun In The Sun!! Wasband Has Sandwich Stolen By a Seagull!! Damon in Alaska!!

Oh, I so wish I had video of the Wasband on Sunday.  We all decided to go to the beach:  Me, Sarah, Obie, Wasband and his friend Leslie.  Sarah had to leave to go get Obie.  Leslie and Barry decided to eat their sandwiches.  I warned them of the dire consequences of doing this on the beach with those extremely aggressive FREAKIN’ SEAGULLS flying around.  He hadn’t taken one bite of his sandwich and a seagull swooped in from behind him, landed on his leg and swiped his sandwich.  I could hardly breath I was laughing so much.  I tried to video tape the after shock that Barry seemed to be going through but I was so hysterically laughing I forgot to turn the camera on. Just remember, I did not refer to anyone as a dumbass but it sure wasn’t the seagull.

After the beach we had to go to a memorial concert.  Our next door neighbor’s ( the ones I have lived near for 34 years and actually speak to) son passed away a few weeks ago.  He was only 45 years old.  I’d known him since he was eleven. He was a rock musician. His birthday was yesterday and they held a party anyway as a benefit. Lots of people came to honor him. There were about 5 bands and we ended up staying for three hours. They were selling 2 freshly grilled hamburgers, with chips, potato salad, baked beans for $5. I didn’t eat anything.  I did have 2 Bud Lights but I counted the points.

The motorcycle guys

One of the bands.  We sat way in the back.  It was very, very loud.

Sarah’s knees, Leslie and the Wasband

Today, Sarah and I went to the beach again.  We went to a different beach and the seagulls weren’t so bad so we carefully ate our sandwiches and none were stolen.  I didn’t have my camera with me because I forgot to charge the battery.

Oh, and on Sunday after the wasband’s sandwich was stolen, a woman came up to us and said the same thing just happened to her husband.

So I had a busy two days and am now behind in my comments.  I’ll catch up soon.

Damon’s girlfriend, Anna,  just sent me 250 photos of them and Alaska. I will post two now but write a post about their adventures soon.  Damon and his girlfriend Anna both left comments on here.  I cried when I read them. I’m such a baby.

Damon loves catching salmon.

I don’t know why sitting at the beach makes me so tired, but it does, so I will catch up with evreyone tomorrow.

Weight Watcher Saturday Update! This Is Big!!

I really don’t know what’s happening but I lost 4, yes, ” FOUR FREAKIN’ POUNDS” this week. As Peter Parkour (Spidey) would say “That’s 16 sticks of butter”.

THIS IS 7 POUNDS OF BUTTER SO JUST COUNT OUT 16 STICKS.

My total is 84 pounds. The weird thing is I don’t feel that I did much different. I may have made my supper portions a little smaller and I don’t think I am snacking so much at night because I am to busy blogging.

I think there might be another book here “Blog Your Way to Weight Loss”. I’ve been doing a new thing when I’m online. Every time I think of getting a snack I find a photo of some 800 pound person and it puts me off food for a couple of hours.

I JUST COULDN’T PUT A PHOTO UP OF A REALLY FAT RANDOM WOMAN. SO I PUT A PHOTO UP OF A REALLY FAT RANDOM STATUE. I CAN RIDICULE MYSELF AND A STATUE BUT NOT A POOR FAT WOMAN. MAYBE IF SHE WERE A DUMBASS BUT I WOULDN’T KNOW THAT AND A FATASS ISN’T NECESSARILY A DUMBASS.

I keep thinking that if I hadn’t joined weight watchers that I would probably be well over 400 pounds by now at the rate I was gaining weight. That is a scary, scary thought.

Sarah told me today that when I reach 100 pounds we are going to have a “100 pound party”. I’m hoping she has everyone bring 100 pounds of loose change so I can buy a video camera. Only kidding, I wouldn’t want my friends to give me money. Yea right.

OR MAYBE THEY WILL GIVE ME THIS COIN CHAIR. I’LL RIP EVERY ONE OF THOSE FUCKIN’ COINS OFF TO GET MY VIDEO CAMERA.

“The new butterfly shaped coin chair sets in a new architectural style statement. It is MADE OF HUNDREDS OF HALF DOLLAR COINS and is hand-welded. It is made up of pure stainless steel. The contoured shape design secures a cradle for the body.

It is 30″ tall x 4’ feet wide x 40″ deep. Butterfly shaped coin chair is available for $29,000.00.”

OK, I guess I won’t be getting the coin chair. I didn’t see the price until after I posted the photo.

I went into Walmart yesterday to see if they sold the camera I want. They only had the cheap version of it at the same price that Amazon sells the better version. Now if they had the better version I was going to call the wasband and beg. I was actually going to beg and possibly lie and tell him it was for my sanity that I had to have one. That’s not such a lie actually. Now I have the whole blogging weight loss thing I can use. If I have a camera I will be out there taking videos of dumbasses and won’t be home tempted to eat crap. That’s true too. He reads my blog. Please Wasband , Please? I even capitalized the W.

I shouldn’t be begging him. He has done more for an ex-wife than any other ex-husband in the world. I may tease him about some of the dumbass stuff he’s done but he is a great guy.

THIS IS THE VIDEO CAMERA. IT’S ONLY 4 inches X 2 inches X 1/2 inch. It plugs directly into a USB on your computer.

It’s wicked small so I can carry out covert operations. In other words, film dumbasses without them knowing it.

I’m Sorry About Another Post On This Subject! I Promise It Won’t Happen Again! Another 15 Second Video!!

I really hate to keep going on about dumbasses but it’s summer here. Our population explodes along with the ratio of dumbasses to non-dumbasses. Did my wasband put a sign on the back of my car when he borrowed it that says “Follow Me If Your A Dumbass”? Seriously, I’m going to have to go check.

I go into town most everyday to pick up the mail and go to the grocery store where I socialize with lots of people. My therapist said I should socialize more and I don’t go to church functions or hang out at bars. I don’t hang out at the mall. I haven’t become a mall rat yet but I am a grocery store rat. I really can’t think of anywhere else to go where I will see people I might force myself to actually talk to.

This means that I spend a lot of time in parking lots. There’s one thing I don’t get about people walking through parking lots. Are you supposed to walk behind moving cars? Is that the new thing? Cause I’ll tell you, people do it all the time to me. I’ll be backing up. My car will actually be moving albeit slowly and then someone (no offense, but mostly women) will just walk behind the car without even looking or noticing the fact that the car is in motion. I always thought that if a car was backing up it wasn’t such a good idea to just walk behind it without catching the driver’s eye so that the driver would have a clue as to what your plans were. DUMBASSES!!!!!!

Theramblinghousewife suggested I write a book “The Idiot’s Guide to Dumbasses”. I think she’s right. This book needs to be written. I’m going to start taking notes and videos (as soon as I can save for a video camera). I’ll probably have to pixel the dumbasses’ faces out of the videos so I don’t get sued. This could be big, maybe turn into a Dumbass Reality Show. Take 12 dumbasses and put them in a house together for a few months and see what happens. Oh, I just remembered they already have that show, “Big Brother” and I actually watch it. Now who’s the dumbass? My dumbassness is really coming out lately. Dumbass comes out of the closet.

On a side note, the following photo taken by the wasband is what I wake up to every morning.

THAT PHOTO MAKES ME SMILE EVERY MORNING. NOTICE IT’S NOT OF MY WASBAND.

Now someone, and I have a good guess as to who, put the following photo in its’ place.

THAT’S THE SCARIEST ASS PHOTO OF WAYNE NEWTON I’VE EVER SEEN. WHAT WAS WAYNE THINKING? WHY WOULD YOU WANT PEOPLE TO SEE THAT? I HAD TO HOLD BACK SCREAMS WHEN I SAW IT BUT YET I CAN’T SEEM TO TAKE IT AWAY. IT FASCINATES ME LIKE NO OTHER PHOTO OF ANYONE I’VE EVER SEEN.

I did go park down at the harbor this morning and I leave you with a 15 second video. Even at high quality the video sucks.

3.4 lbs. I Wonder Where It Went? Cause I Don’t Have It Anymore!!

Yes, Ladies and Gentleman, I lost 3.4 pounds this week for a total of exactly 80 pounds. Hoo Rah!!

I keep thinking that I should look down at the floor and I’ll actually see the fat that I’ve lost. There should be trails of it all over the house. To have it just disappear is not fair. I want to see it first, a big 80 pound pile of fat. It would encourage me to keep going and make the pile bigger. I’ll keep going anyway because I can imagine what it would look like.

NOW THIS IS AN 80 POUND PUMPKIN. OF COURSE, 80 POUNDS OF FAT WOULD BE DENSER AND TAKE UP LESS SPACE BUT 80 POUNDS IS 80 POUNDS. IMAGINE TRYING TO LIFT THAT SUCKER! I JUST NOTICED THAT THE WOMAN IS HOLDING A SIGN THAT READS 1075 POUNDS. SO I THINK WHOEVER LABELED THIS PUMPKIN PHOTO AS BEING 80 POUNDS SCREWED UP. DAMN, I THOUGHT I LOST THAT WHOLE PUMPKIN.

THIS IS AN 80 POUND PUMPKIN!! OOPS!! IT STILL TOOK TWO PEOPLE TO CARRY IT!!

THIS IS DR. LAWTON HIMSELF. I COULD ALWAYS TRY THIS IF ALL ELSE FAILS. SERIOUSLY, THERE REALLY IS A SUCKER BORN EVERY DAY BECAUSE ONLY A SUCKER WOULD HAVE BOUGHT THIS.

JUST HAD TO THROW THIS OLD AD OUT TO YOU. THORAZINE: It is principally used in the treatment of schizophrenia, though it has also been used to treat hiccups and nausea. I BETTER GET CONTROL OF MY CANE. I DON’T WANT TO BE FORCED INTO TAKING THIS CRAP.

I thought I was going to be alone all weekend but the wasband showed up last night. He tried to drive us to see the fireworks but we left too late. I did get to see the last 45 seconds though. It was beautiful. His girlfriend came down this morning and is staying the weekend.

I TOOK THIS SHOT THIS MORNING.

They are off to the beach right now. Tonight we are all going out to dinner. Poor wasband can’t get a word in edgewise when she and I are together. I really like her a lot and she’s very smart and funny. I’m not just saying that L because I know you’re reading this. It’s all true.

I found this photo of me last night. It was taken on Christmas 1953. I would have been 4 1/2. They used to call me Noni.

SPEAKING OF CHRISTMAS. CHECK OUT THIS OLD AD FOR CIGARETTES.

That’s all I’ve got for today. I still have many episodes of “Heroes” to watch.