Yup, that’s me “Bad Blogger”. My blogging is going down hill. I haven’t been leAVING COMMENTS ON MY BLOG AND HAVE HARDLY BEEN WRITING BLOGS. Crap, I had that stupid caps lock on AGAIN!!!!! yOU KNOW WHAT/ I’m not even going to fix it.
I have been reading blogs and not even leaving comments. Oh, and you people, my so called friends–why didn’t you remind me of what I was in for? I didn’t sign up for this. All I remember about having babies is how cute they are.
I forgot how much babies cry. I forgot about mustard yellow poop that runs down their legs and gets on your capris. I forgot they spit up all over your shirt. I forgot about burp cloths. I forgot about the giant diaper bag that goes wherever you go and weighs 50 pounds. Oh, and those new fangled car seats that are like Transformers. WTF!!!!! That damn thing turns into a stroller then it morphs into a swing and I’m afraid to see what it does next. I hope I’m not home alone when it transforms into a giant high chair that flies. And that thing you stuff in their mouth to keep them quiet? What do they call it? A binky or some such nonsense? She can spit it out about 20 yards. And if I don’t run and get it she screams at me until I do.
Sleep? Do people actually sleep anymore? I don’t. Little Lilah has some syndrome or something. She has day and night mixed up. We take her everywhere during the day.. She’s an angel. Everyone comments about how quiet she is in restaurants. I thought babies couldn’t see that well. Well this baby has 20/20. She recognizes our house. She knows when we get home because she starts screaming as soon as we walk through the door and guess what ? She keeps it up all night.
Sarah doesn’t mind. She knocks on my door about midnight and says ” Mom, can you take the baby now?” I did promise Sarah I would help her so I say “Yes, dear, I’ll take your spawn.” Oh and the baby has figured out how to fart and burp at the same time. What the hell else has the wasband been teaching her?
I should have password protected this post. I’ll bet she can read. I’ll bet she is already planning how she’s going to keep me up all night. Oh, and here are some photos of her room. She already has more clothes than me. She even has a filing cabinet. It probably contains a list of her victims. You know, the ones she is so cute with during the day and then decides to torture at night.
This kid has it all planned out. She knows she is so damn cute and we will do anything for her. We are such dumbasses– falling for her wily ways. She’s got us all under her control. I think I saw her outside the other night casting some spell on us. I think I saw her holding a wand or maybe it was a little cane. I don’t know. Maybe I imagined it all in my sleepless daze.
Would you trust this baby? She’s just biding her time. Waiting. Waiting until midnight when she can strike again.