Enough of ketchup and heath hens. The dumbasses have arrived in all their summer finery. The difference between the dumbasses in Falmouth and the dumbasses here is the dumbasses who come to the island for the summer are very wealthy. There’s nothing like a wealthy dumbass behind the wheel of a car. Gives a whole new meaning to my favorite word in the English dictionary.
Also, dumbass. –noun Slang: Vulgar.
So the wasband and I took a ride when he was here this past weekend. It was Memorial Day weekend so the island was very crowded and we got a glimpse of what the traffic would be be like during the “high season”. Barry was driving and we ended up behind a dumbass at a stop sign in town. The dumbass wouldn’t go. He had plenty of chances but no, he just sat there. At one point I actually thought he was reading a book. Barry said probably not. Maybe it was a map, whatever.
Barry even held back and didn’t blow his horn or give him the finger. I thought he showed tremendous self control. The guy finally decided he could go, cutting off someone as he did. We ended up behind him again. He was absolutely the slowest driver ever. Well, we started making stories up about him. I can’t really go into the stories. They weren’t very nice. We ended up laughing uncontrollably. We also ended up following the dude so we could see what he looked like. Oh I wish I’d had my camera with me. He somehow managed to pull into a little strip mall with us on his tail. We parked so we wouldn’t be seen but quickly realized this guy was oblivious and even if we parked next to him he wouldn’t see us.
I honestly don’t know if he realized there were other people in the world beside him. It took him a good five minutes before he managed to get out of his car. Like we thought he was very old and probably shouldn’t have been behind the wheel any more than a drunk driver should. As a matter of fact I don’t know which is worse. I guess a drunk old driver.
The problem here is I suspect I’ll be one of those old drivers in the not too distant future. I think I’m already showing signs of old driver syndrome. In heavy traffic I won’t ever, ever take a left at a stop sign. My eyes dart around as I look for pedestrians to hit not to hit. I’m dreading moped season. Those damn mopeds are everywhere.
This is a moped protest in front of the local island moped rental store in Oak Bluffs.
Even with the traffic and mopeds I’m looking forward to summer. Life is Good!!