They’re Here!

Enough of ketchup and heath hens.  The dumbasses have arrived in all their summer finery.  The difference between the dumbasses in Falmouth and the dumbasses here is the dumbasses who come to the island for the summer are very wealthy.  There’s nothing like a wealthy dumbass behind the wheel of a car.  Gives a whole new meaning to my favorite word in the English dictionary.


Also, dumbass. [duhm-as] Show IPA –noun Slang: Vulgar.

A thoroughly stupid person; a blockhead
1970–75; Americanism Unabridged

So the wasband and I took a ride when he was here this past weekend.  It was Memorial Day weekend so the island was very crowded and we got a glimpse of what the traffic would be be like during the “high season”.   Barry was driving and we ended up behind a dumbass at a stop sign in town. The dumbass wouldn’t go.  He had plenty of chances but no,  he just sat there.  At one point I actually thought he was reading a book.  Barry said probably not.   Maybe it was a map, whatever.


Barry even held back and didn’t blow his horn or give him the finger. I thought he showed tremendous self control.  The guy  finally decided he could go, cutting off someone as he did.     We ended up behind him again.   He was absolutely the slowest driver ever.   Well, we started making stories up about him. I can’t really go into the stories.  They weren’t very nice.  We ended up laughing uncontrollably.  We also ended up following the dude so we could see what he looked like.  Oh I wish I’d had my camera with me.  He somehow managed to pull into a little strip mall with us on his tail.  We parked so we wouldn’t be seen but quickly realized this guy was oblivious and even if we parked next to him he wouldn’t see us.


I honestly don’t know if he realized there were other people in the world beside him.  It took him a good five minutes before he managed to get out of his car.  Like we thought he was very old and probably shouldn’t have been behind the wheel any more than a drunk driver should.    As a matter of fact I don’t know which is worse.  I guess a drunk old driver.

The problem here is I suspect I’ll be one of those old drivers in the not too distant future.  I think I’m already showing signs of old driver syndrome.  In heavy traffic I won’t ever, ever take a left at a stop sign.  My eyes dart around as I look for pedestrians to hit not to hit.  I’m dreading moped season.  Those damn mopeds are everywhere.

This is a moped protest in front of the local island moped rental store in Oak Bluffs.


Even with the traffic and mopeds I’m looking forward to summer.  Life is Good!!

11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. javajunkee
    May 31, 2009 @ 17:30:36

    ROFLMAO…. moped protest ….I can’t stop laughing that is too freakin’ funny!

    I think your dumbass made it to Iowa over the weekend because I was behind him yesterday!


  2. writerchick
    May 31, 2009 @ 17:31:52

    LOL Joanie,
    When I saw the title of this I thought your grand daughter had made her appearance. You twicked me, you wiley wabbit. Dumbasses everywhere and me without a camera. 😉


  3. sheng
    May 31, 2009 @ 21:20:49

    Whew, hi there Joanie…i have been pretty busy, nice to be back here


  4. Diane
    Jun 01, 2009 @ 06:16:52

    Don’t worry, Joan…you’ll be fine. I’m going to be 80 this year. I just get in the outside lane (so they can’t come at me from BOTH sides), and stay in pattern with the others…60 miles an hour….70…….. I know, you’re not exactly in the land of 3-lane roads so you’ll be a lot more frustrated than I need to be, at least for 3 months out of every year.


  5. Anonymously Secret
    Jun 01, 2009 @ 06:51:33

    Lol at drivers these days. They are either too dumb or too drunk.

    Anyway, nice post! Funny read.


  6. Just a Mom
    Jun 01, 2009 @ 08:45:54

    Joan, you must never leave your house without your camera again! Never, ever!
    It sounds like it is going to be a great season for Dumbasses this year! I just want to know how you cook them and do you serve white or red wine with them?


  7. Doraz
    Jun 01, 2009 @ 09:15:52

    Joan, I see a sitcom potential here!
    How about it?
    You have some great material, already!
    You have a perfect setting!
    You have lots of extras!
    You have a lot of entertaining moments to re-enact!
    You need an agent?


  8. Joy
    Jun 01, 2009 @ 11:34:55

    The dumbass’s are all here too. I also live in a tourist area and I just hate it. I hate the rudeness of them. I’m also doing a post. But I have to say I’m with JAM. You must NEVER leave home without your camera again. I can just see you and the wasband making up stories and wetting your pants laughing. It’s such a nice picture to have in my head. You’re lucky to have that kind of thing with him and so are your kids lucky to be able to see you really do care for each other. I hate all the hating after a divorce.

    Video’s!! We need one. It’s just been to long!


  9. Emerald
    Jun 01, 2009 @ 13:51:17

    This is why Talea says I’m not allowed to have a driver’s license, crow bar, sledgehammer, or any similar implement. It’s also why the number one rule in Toronto is “GET OUT OF THE WAAAAY!!!” The tourists, they don’t know how to walk with the flow! The sidewalks, they get congested! As soon as the weather gets nice, anyone native to Toronto finds themselves walking around downtown stepping on heels – move, move, move! 😛 I guess tourists are a pain everywhere 😉


  10. croneandbearit
    Jun 02, 2009 @ 07:19:04

    Patience dahlink, patience. Remember, you are new there and not used to the summer nonsense – just kick some of their dumba$$es and you’ll feel better. Isn’t it fun that you are a resident and get to make fun of the tourists? LOL And if it helps…I’ll go way out of my way to NOT have to make a left turn against traffic — scares the helll out of me. Drives my husband crazy. Hugs!


  11. laura
    Jun 02, 2009 @ 20:49:38

    I love reading Philip Craig’s mystery series that takes place in Edgartown. They’re wonderful books but what you would like is that while his main character loves Cap Cod etc… he dreads the summer season that brings the dumbasses to his island. I don’t think he referred to them as dumb asses but I know that’s what he meant. I was very sad to read that Mr. Craig died in May of ’07 but he does have 3 more books that will be published and one of them is this month. You might want to check the library for one of his books just to see if you recognize his descriptions!


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