Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation! Red Sox Stuff!

Today was one of those errand and appointment days. I first got up and had to put on a slow cooker Beef Jerk Roast. Then I met with Jane from the hospice.




Murphy is the dog and they use him for therapy for the kids. I know you can’t actually read the article but it was all she had to give me. The little boy’s name starts with C and she will be giving C the Red Sox stuff next week. So now we can lay to rest this whole thing. Something just occurred to me. Quite often Kaylee would say she didn’t understand something that a real 17 year old would definitely understand. Which to me indicates it is some one pretending to be 17. Maybe a man because a woman would know what a 17 year old girl would understand but a man might not. Even a teenage boy would know but probably not a man. I know my wasband would have no clue as to what a 17 year old girl would or would not know at that age. Just a thought.

I had a doctor’s appointment then I had to go to the P.O. and three different banks. I had to pick up my brother and take him to the doctor. I was just driving all around town in circles to get all this done. I’m dizzy now. I think more from hunger than the circles.

Definition: “TENS” is the acronym for Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation. A “TENS unit” is a pocket size, portable, battery-operated device that sends electrical impulses to certain parts of the body to block pain signals.

My doctor gave me one of these yesterday when I got fitted for the leg and back brace.


I used it last night while watching TV. If you ever get one here are some warnings.

1. Don’t suddenly turn it on high by mistake. Holy Crap!! You’ll shock the shit out of your self. Talk about jumping out of your seat.

2. If you happen to turn it on high by mistake, try to remember which way to turn it off. Not knowing this just makes the shock last longer. At least my hair is puffy today,

3. Please remember to turn off the unit before you try to remove the sensors. They are very sticky and stick to your hand while giving you an amazing shock that goes right up your arm to your brain. While that’s happening you tend to forget to turn off the unit and you just keep getting shocked over and over. Your screaming, hopefully, will bring someone to your room to snatch it out of your hand.

4. I think the point is that screwing up this thing keeps you from concentrating on your pain.

Hopefully when I get the hang of it and quit shocking myself it will help.

I have other things to say but I don’t want to bore you. I received two awards recently that I want to post about. I need to put the 14 week pregnant picture up and talk about this weekend. I will write all this up tomorrow.


23 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. trishatruly
    Dec 11, 2008 @ 18:05:58

    Oh, Joan, while the whole Hospice thing is incredibly sweet and I am so happy that you connected with this organization I can’t stop laughing! Not at the Hospice part but the part that followed!

    I could only picture a story from when we had a dairy farm and the guys dared the new farm kid to pee on the electric wire that ran around the inside of the barn to keep the heifers from the feed bin. It was the most awful, hysterically funny thing I ever heard in my life and here you are kinda doing it with your TENS unit!
    Awww, shit!! I am laughing so hard it hurts!!
    You are a wacky and wonderful woman , Joan. Have I told you lately that I love you?

    The thing is: All of that actually happened. I used it last night on my back and damn it, if I didn’t touch the sensors again before I turned it off. Even Pablov’s dog learned faster than I am learning.

    I do like the thing though. It only lowers the pain when you are using it but that’s something anyway. Plus the thing is good for a laugh. πŸ˜‰


  2. Moonbeam McQueen
    Dec 11, 2008 @ 18:25:28

    This is so wonderful, but you can’t let it rest until you tell us how C reacts to getting his Sox stuff. I hope you find out, and that you’ll let us know.

    I wondered about Kaylee’s immaturity too. My daughter’s a year older, but often seemed about ten years older in comparison. We could drive ourselves crazy going over the details of all of this.

    TENS units are amazing! Fantastic! I used to electrocute myself on purpose all the time. Well, I turned it up really, really high, and it would zap the pain right out of me. Hurt so good. Hmmm…I lent mine to my brother. Need to ask for it back.

    Hugs to you Joan. I second Trisha’s assessment.

    Thanks Moonbeam. I am really liking the TENS unit. I’ve done it really high too but only by mistake. What a rush!! Not something I would want to do all the time.

    I will call Jane at the hospice at the end of next week and find out how C liked the stuff.


  3. birdpress
    Dec 11, 2008 @ 19:11:19

    How cool that your new machine toy thingy comes with its own snowman head!

    Ha! Ha! I thought the snowman head was a nice added Christmas touch.


  4. birdpress
    Dec 11, 2008 @ 19:16:48

    Okay, I just had to go look up that device to see what it was all about. It sounds great! It can even tone your muscles for you. I want one too! I want one with a female snowman head though.

    I’m really liking the TENS unit. I got the snowman head as a gift from one of my lady weight watcher friends. She showed up with them last week for all the ladies at our table. Her daughter made them. The funny thing was they were filled with M&Ms. I had to rush home, put the M&Ms in a plastic bag and throw them at my son-in-law before I ate any and I actually succeeded in not having even one.


  5. lupusranting
    Dec 11, 2008 @ 19:51:36

    I totally see myself doing what you did in #3! I’d wind up peeing my pants laughing and getting shocked even more!!! Thanks for making my day! πŸ˜‰

    Oh criminy, I better keep away from any wet surfaces. I don’t want to end up being all lit up like the Christmas tree.


  6. sheng
    Dec 11, 2008 @ 19:59:46

    I just want to help, and when I think of kids in the hospice, I feel sorry for them…

    It is really hard to thing about little children being in a hospice. I can’t even imagine that.


  7. thebeadden
    Dec 11, 2008 @ 21:05:43

    I am thinking you are right about k’s age and sex thing.

    I can’t wait to hear how happy you will make that young boy when he receives his gift!

    The woman who lives behind us has a tiny TENS unit. It is for her hands. She can’t believe the difference it has made. She could barely move her fingers before. Good luck with yours!

    It’s good to hear the TENS unit is working for someone. I loved it on my back last night.


  8. teeni
    Dec 11, 2008 @ 22:15:18

    Holy crap – I think my parents once tried out some “As Seen On TV” gadget that was supposed to tone your muscles with “electrical impulses.” It looked an awful lot like your TENS thing. And isn’t “electrical impulses” another word for shock? I remember trying that thing out and I can totally understand why you wouldn’t want to get those dials mixed up. Holy hell. Take care with that thing, Joan. On the other hand, you can charge people to give them instant “permanents!” πŸ˜‰

    Yes, if I stick it on the back of someone’s neck on high I can see an immediate permanent happening. πŸ˜‰ The crazy thing it actually does help with pain when it’s on.


  9. teeni
    Dec 11, 2008 @ 22:16:45

    Oops – I forgot to add, please do keep us posted about C if you can. I think it is wonderful to see a real terminally ill child benefit somehow from all of this crap. Hugs to you!

    Yes, I will call Jane at the hospice next week to see how it went.


  10. Magik Quilter
    Dec 11, 2008 @ 22:37:47

    Wish I could read the dog thing but am sure the dog is working wonders.

    The tens story was so funny ….. can you imagine what it is like to have one of those shoved up the you know where?

    Was not sure if it was supposed to turn me on or torture me but it was interesting…and yes it was penis shaped!!

    Get your mind out of the gutter ladies it was medical…got it from the hospital not the sex shop

    Ha! Ha! Now you have me laughing. If it was medical it sounds like a medical problem i wouldn’t mind having. πŸ˜‰


  11. JavaQueen
    Dec 12, 2008 @ 03:44:21

    Dogs are such excellent spirit builders… they are amazing creatures.

    I’m really proud of you meeting up w/ hospice. That was such a kind deed; you have a heart of gold- which is why I have glommed onto you Joanie!

    I’ll bet it feels good to get those prezzies into the hands of someone who is really suffering and will appreciate them too!

    Actually, it feels really good to know those Red Sox things are going to a real little boy. I just feel so bad that he is in a hospice. I can’t imagine what the parents must be going through.


  12. Laura/centerdownhome
    Dec 12, 2008 @ 05:28:01

    Laughing at Joan, laughing at trishatruly, laughing at Magik Quilter! You guys are too funny!

    On making a connection with the hospice: Isn’t it strange how life turns things around sometimes? Or, no, I guess it was YOU who turned something sour into something sweet and kind, Joan. A good lesson for me, especially at Christmas time. πŸ™‚

    I was just hoping this would help us all put closure on this whole Kaylee thing. I hope she is reading all this and can somehow understand how what she did affected so many people. It’s a good lesson for all of us. I just hope that Kaylee, whoever she really is, learned something too. You can’t play with people’s hearts. Hearts break too easily.


  13. writerchick
    Dec 12, 2008 @ 08:40:03

    Hey Joanie,
    I think you have a point about the seventeen year old girl thing. I am pretty sure it was a man and I think there was more than one of them – perhaps a team of two or three? It’s a thought.

    As to shocking yourself…girl, you have to stop doing these things cuz you’re making me laugh so hard I’m falling out of my chair and hurting myself. πŸ˜†

    If you hurt yourself falling out of your chair I will lend you the TENS unit but you better be careful with it. It’s dangerous and has a mind of it’s own. I hope it doesn’t attack me during the night.

    Evidently with the Kaylee thing more than one computer was used so it does make you wonder if it was more than one person.



  14. CuriousC
    Dec 12, 2008 @ 09:49:34

    Do be careful with that contraption.

    I think the contraption may be out to get me. I’m glad it only runs on batteries and doesn’t plug into the wall. Then I really would have to be VERY careful.


  15. DropOfKim
    Dec 12, 2008 @ 10:44:04

    Hey Joan! My hubby has to use one of those for his back and I want to give you a warning about it. The patches, when attached all the way to your skin work great, but if a patch starts not sticking in a spot, easing off a little, then it will shock the heck out of ya! I hope you know what I mean, I have used his machine a few times and found that out. It hurts! Anyways, have a great day Miss Joan and hope that unit helps you!

    Wow, thanks for the heads up. That’s good to know. I’ve had enough shocks in the past two days. Maybe this shock therapy will help me remember stuff or it will just blow my brain out of the water.


  16. Wendy
    Dec 12, 2008 @ 11:07:15

    The TENS unit looks pretty cool. I hope it helps.
    Joan, just a note of precaution, don’t let Sarah even “try” that thing. It’s really dangerous for pregnant women.

    I’m glad you mentioned that about pregnant women. I’ll make sure Sarah doesn’t try it. Though if Damon were around I would probably be chasing him around the house with it. Maybe the shock would shock some sense in to him. Only kidding Damon!!


  17. Just a Mom
    Dec 12, 2008 @ 14:42:54

    That is just way too funny about the TENS device! It sounds like something that I would do! My kids probably wouldn’t grab it from me though, they would just keep laughing at me!

    I hope it helps!


  18. javajunkee
    Dec 12, 2008 @ 20:39:12

    Ok so somebody I knew had one of those little machines. It didn’t look just like that but it was like a muscle thing. So we all sat around and burst (that’s what the one who had it called it) it on each other. I’m pretty sure what we were doing was not meant to be done. He would put it on his face and then one of us would zap him on “burst”….we were stupid what can I say. It was kind of a test to see who could stay at burst level the longest without screaming. I would only let them put it on my arm and legs.


  19. 2lazydogs
    Dec 12, 2008 @ 21:32:31

    Holy crap, that is too funny. I certainly hope I never have the need for a TENS unit because I sure as shit would zap the crap outta myself. Electricity and I don’t mix. I’ve finally learned not to stick knives in electrical outlets. Phew.

    What a nice Christmas present for C! You are such a dear, dear person!


  20. kilax
    Dec 12, 2008 @ 22:00:46

    Hee hee. Or maybe playing around with the TENS keeps you distracted! I know I would be bumping it to high all the time by mistake!


  21. laura
    Dec 13, 2008 @ 01:11:32

    Kids and Hospice are a combination that just breaks my heart!
    I hope your donations really brighten some little kids day and I refuse to waste a moment of my life commenting on that awful person who’s pretending to be a teenage girl.


  22. thegirlfromtheghetto
    Dec 14, 2008 @ 00:33:18

    OMG, I got E-Stim therapy last January. I friggin love it. You know have your own machine? I am friggin jealous. I passed on it because it was going to cost like $1,000.

    Also, what kind of braces did you get. Since I rock an $1800 pair of DonJoys myself, I’m just curious. I hope these items help you.

    Also, don’t you just love therapy dogs? My son is going to read to a therapy dog next month at the library … I’m so excited to see this. I’m desperate to have a dog someday. Its sad that I’ve never had one. They are so damn cute.


  23. mrsvierkant
    Dec 14, 2008 @ 23:04:09

    I hope you get used to it, and I hope it helps too!


    Somedays I get dizzy from driving around in circles around my city too, LOL.

    The hospice sounds like a wonderful place that is worthy of your gifts.


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