Some Things I Don’t Understand…..

This isn’t going to be one of those posts about “why I don’t understand the state of the world” or any of that stuff ( I so much wanted to type “crap” but that would be so unpolitically correct, I couldn’t get myself to do it).

It’s not that the state of the world is crap, well, actually,  it sort of is,  but I get tired of hearing about it. I know it’s almost voting time but I am so tired of Obama, Hillary, Sarah (not my daughter, I never tire of her), and McCain and Obama’s running mate,  what’s his name that I am mostly just ignoring the whole thing.

I have other things that I don’t understand. They may not be of world importance but I don’t freakin’ understand them.  Like this whole acronym thing.  I now have a permanent link to www.acronymfinder.com, just so I can keep up.  I guess kids use them when they text a lot which I can barely do at all.  It takes me ten minutes just to text “Call Me”.  I might as well just dial the number and call the person myself.  It’s just he doesn’t always answer.

A lot of you guys people use DH.  Now I am thinking that is “dumbass husband”.  But I can’t find that one at acronym finder.  I suppose it could mean “darling husband”.  If it does than a lot of you gals are very lucky except I will never know which ones are referring to the dumbass or the darling.

So I put in a google search for “dumbass husband” and this photo comes up.

New York governor Eliot Spitzer and his wife, Silda, at a press conference after being linked to a prostitution ring.  Dumbass?  Yea, I would say so.

Now If I type DW, will you know who I am referring to?  But then you will have to guess:  Am I referring to him as a dumbass or darling or dear or dirtbag?   You will never know.  Some of you won’t even know what the W stands for if you are just reading my blog for the first time.

Another Wasband self portrait.  I will tell you, I would never refer to him as a dirtbag. He is so not a dirtbag.

My top ten things I don’t understand today.  It changes daily.

10. Why are there so many grackles outside and are they actually talking to each other and if they are,  WTF are they talking about?

9. Why don’t my kids pick stuff up off the floor when they see it?  Is it actually possible that I am the only one that sees this stuff that I let stay on the floor for days just to see if they will pick it up?  Give me a break, I have a bad back for God’s sake.  I don’t want to fall ass over teakettle again just picking up a piece of rubbish.

8. Why do they call getting older the “golden years”?   Honestly, they (whoever they are that is in charge of coming up with these little catch phrases) could have come up with something a little more realistic like the “forgetful years”.

“The keys to a high-quality life after age 60 are health, money, and having a meaningful life, a Canadian study shows”. Really?  You could have fooled me.

7. Why do cats do that kneading thing ( I call it “making muffins” ) on my stomach or my best furniture?  OK, I just looked it up and there are a couple of answers for that here. I don’t know if I believe them because when I look into Yoda’s eyes when he is doing it I know he is just trying to annoy me. So I guess I DO understand this one but I am not deleting it after writing all this and doing all this research. (all 2 minutes of it).

6.  Why can’t I remember conversations from yesterday?  Oh yea, right, it’s the “golden years”.  F*#^ that!!!!

5.  I don’t understand “obliviates”.  Those are the people you see around town that are totally oblivious to everyone around them.  I know I am oblivious to my surroundings on occasion. Everyone is,  but all the time?  If you watch them long enough, you know that it is all the time for some of them.  Do they just not care about the rest of us?  Are they just dumbasses?  Are they just arrogant?  They annoy me especially when I am driving.  The ones that don’t use blinkers need a good caning.  And what about the ones that take a left but go way over to the right to do it so you can’t pass by them while they are at a stop waiting to turn.  What are they thinking?  Oh, and the ones in the grocery store pushing their wagons like they are the only ones in the store. Thank goodness I am a good cripple cart driver or they would have mowed me down ages ago.  Oh, I have to add this.  The oblivious parent!!!  Do you not know your child is running rampant through the store?  I don’t understand You!!!!!

4.  Oh, of course, how could I forget.  Well that’s easy it’s the “golden years”.  ACRONYM : Alphabetic Collocation Reducing Or Numbing Your Memory.

3.  Why oh why do I eat when I am not hungry?  This weight loss thing would go so much faster if I didn’t.  Now who is the dumbass or dumbpig in this case?

2.  Why haven’t they discovered “time travel”.  Or have they????? And who the hell is “They” that I keep referring to?  Muldaur and Scully, I need you to answer a few questions for me.

Huh?

1.  Why is there such a mess on my the DW’s computer desk?  I better clean it up before he gets home tonight.  It’s a week’s worth of crap.  Shows off my organizational skills,  eh?

27 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Little Miss
    Sep 12, 2008 @ 12:33:06

    I used to not know what DH meant for the longest time, along wtih SIL, DC, and more. I just spell it out. What the heck. It takes no time at all.
    I love your 10 things I don’t get post… that’s a great meme, and when I get a chance, I’m going to do it as one too. Becasue there’s a LOT I don’t get. LOL.

    I guess I’ll have to look up DC. I didn’t even think of it as a meme but it would make a good one.

    Reply

  2. writerchick
    Sep 12, 2008 @ 13:03:19

    Hang on Joanie, I may have some answers for you:

    10. WTF is a grackle? Sounds like candy.

    9. They know you will pick it up so they use that part of thier vision for other things.

    8. This was a vicious ad campaign started by Hallmark.

    7. Because cats do weird shit to freak us out.

    6. Maybe they are waiting for a comeback in Vegas?

    5. They are all only children who breastfed until they were 13, so naturally they are the only ones on the planet.

    4. eh?

    3. Because food has the audacity to taste good. Damn it!

    2. Maybe they have – I don’t know who they are either but hell if they have time travel that means you and I can be hot babes once again, sound good?

    1. Oh who cares? You’re fun and if you make a mess well you deserve to.

    Love
    Annie

    Well, you sure cleared up a lot of things for me. 😉 Info about grackles you can find here. A Grackle is basically a large, annoying blackbird. I love your answers to #2. and #9. Well, at least now I understand more stuff thanks to you and also got a good laugh.

    Love
    Joanie

    Reply

  3. threeboys1mommy
    Sep 12, 2008 @ 13:14:53

    Do you remember hearing about that douche Spitzer paying like 4 grand for sex? $4000! I don’t understand that. Oh and his wife was a DA too, for standing up there w/him.

    $4000, that’s horrific. She is a DA. She should have dropped him like a hot potato.

    Reply

  4. Joy
    Sep 12, 2008 @ 13:32:47

    I wonder about all these things too. Oblivious to me is huge. How can you not notice what’s right in front of you??? Love this post, it really made me laugh.

    I’m glad you got a laugh out of it. The obliviates really annoy me too.

    Reply

  5. Peter Parkour
    Sep 12, 2008 @ 14:14:26

    With you 100% on number five. Those people piss me off to no end. 👿 Grrr…

    Obliviates are the worse because they are so selfish. They never think how their actions will affect other people. 👿

    Reply

  6. Peter Parkour
    Sep 12, 2008 @ 14:15:10

    Oops… hit send too soon. Your meez cracked me up. What’s that she’s drinking? I gotta get me some of that. 😉

    She’s drinking something made by Snapple. I have to assume it has some calming herb in it. I remember when Snapple first came out and the two owners, “the two Toms”, were making it out of their boat on Nantucket. We were one of the first stores to carry their juices. I dropped them when they went national. I like the way the Meez is levitating. I wish I could do that.

    Reply

  7. thebeadden
    Sep 12, 2008 @ 14:39:31

    Gr8 post, Joan! 🙂

    BTW, UR 2 kewl….
    I love the DH twist! Dirtbag or darling. LOL!
    TC, CU L8r

    😯

    I must be getting better. I figured out most of it except for TC.

    Reply

  8. 2lazydogs
    Sep 12, 2008 @ 16:31:53

    Hahahaha. I sooo wanted to fill my comment with all those crazy acronyms but thebeadden beat me to it!

    At one point during the school year my daughter started using these: IDK, BRB, TTFN, LOL, OMG. I just about lost my shit. Every time she blurted one I’d yell, “USE YOUR WORDS!”

    I will use OMG and WTF on occasion but I still refuse to use LOL or ROTFLMAO or ROTFPMP or….you get the idea.

    I think all of our grackles must have migrated your way…I haven’t seen ONE all year long. But crows….we’ve got crows galore. (heehee….Annie…”WTF is a grackle? Sounds like candy?…ummm…ew…grackle on a stick, anyone?) Gag.

    OK, I can’t figure out TTFN and ROTFPMP. I too use OMG and WTF. Those so far are the only two I use except for now I am shortening dumbass to DA. Grackle on a stick–no thanks!!!

    Reply

  9. Hannah
    Sep 12, 2008 @ 17:15:47

    Excellent post! I try not to use DH and DS (darling son) because I’d honestly rather just use their names! And it’s not like it saves me much time, I’m a touch typist, LOL 🙂

    Even I am tiring of the US politics and I don’t live there! Amazingly, we’ve had quite a bit of it on our TV news, which is really odd because do we even care?! I don’t mean that in a bad way, but it’s not our president so I’m just not sure we need to see as much as we see. At least it will all be over (especially for you guys) soon!

    You must get sick of seeing US politics on your TV. We don’t see New Zealand politics on our TV. Actually, now I am curious and have to check to see what type of government you have and who is in charge. I can’t wait until it is all over. I still can’t even think of who to vote for. Oh I wish I could type with more than two fingers.

    Reply

  10. teeni
    Sep 12, 2008 @ 18:30:07

    Awesome post – sounds like the Joan I know and love. Too funny about your search. This actually would be a great meme. It would require some thinking though for people to come up with the things that they don’t understand. I may take a stab at it though. If I do, I’ll link to you for the idea. 🙂

    Yea, it would make a good meme. I hadn’t thought about that when I wrote it. There’s so much I still don’t understand I will probably do it again in the future. Thanks Teeni!!

    Reply

  11. tw
    Sep 12, 2008 @ 18:55:12

    Fabulous post, Joan! I wanna know what a grackle is too?

    I’m with Hannah. I just use my family’s real names. Some of the online pseudonyms people use for their loved ones make me cringe and feel embarrassed and it’s not even my own family, lol!

    “Obliviates”. Love that word, Joan. You are an amazing source of great words. Wasband is my other favourite that I borrowed from you. Thanks 🙂

    I always feel like I am surrounded by obliviates when I drive which is probably why I don’t drive much or far. I even call the wasband by his real name, Barry, on occasion.

    A grackle is a blackbird and you can read about it here.

    Reply

  12. Karen
    Sep 12, 2008 @ 19:41:09

    I keep being astounded by the wonderful blogs out there that I’ve known nothing about–this is hilarious! I’ll be back!

    Thanks for stopping by. I am working on that meme of yours. I enjoyed your blog too. I love stumbling upon a new blog and making a new friend. I’ll be by to visit you.

    Reply

  13. kaylee2
    Sep 12, 2008 @ 19:58:38

    I love you 🙂

    I just got back from reading your blog and left you a comment. xoxoxoxo

    Reply

  14. kaylee2
    Sep 12, 2008 @ 21:39:03

    I dont understand alot! does that make me stupid?

    Well if it makes you stupid then we are both stupid which I really don’t think so. I think we are just always learning.

    Reply

  15. JavaQueen
    Sep 13, 2008 @ 04:48:15

    “The ones that don’t use blinkers need a good caning” I really get honked off when people are to lazy/arrogant to use their blinkers. I lived in Kansas for 6 years and my mom noticed they rarely use their blinkers and then she started to refer to them as “Kanzoids” – she still does and I love it!

    I don’t understand a lot of things either, but this post cracked me up as only you can. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the part where you write, “Sarah (not my daughter, I never tire of her)” because I have gotten to know you so well through your blog, but even more so through your videos that I LOL because I could picture you saying that part, and then explaining that of course, you would never tire of your daughter Sarah. Do I know you or what?

    Oh, you do know me and I know you too. I will be doing another video interview this weekend. I saw a non blinker user this morning on my way to weight watchers. I was going to yell at him to tell him his blinkers were broken but his window was rolled up.

    Reply

  16. Emerald
    Sep 13, 2008 @ 11:35:13

    Oh I LOOOOVE that picture of Spitzer. Well, his wife really. There was another one where she wasn’t looking down, she was looking right at him with a sort of half smirk that said “I may be keeping my dignity now, but when we get home…”

    Terrific.

    And I hear you on the obliviates. I call them assmunchers, yes 😉 I’m surrounded by them, and I’m starting to think living in a massive city has a lot to do with it.

    I’ll bet there are more obliviates AKA assmunchers in the big cities, especially the bad driving ones. I spit on Spitzer and all of his kind, the DA AKA AM. Now that’s a good use of acronyms.

    Reply

  17. thebeadden
    Sep 13, 2008 @ 14:24:46

    Joan I left you a post on my blog.
    TC = Take Care 🙂

    Ahh! Didn’t think of that one. Thanks!!

    Reply

  18. javajunkee
    Sep 13, 2008 @ 14:41:33

    hhmmm I’m not going to be much help because I CRS from those questions 🙂

    You’ve known me long enough if I type DH it aint dear, or darling…it’s definately DUMBASS! When I’m not feeling like that I will refer to him as the ISband.
    And I’m gonna take a stab at DW…dumbass wasband? 🙂 Or you could refer to him as DAW!

    Ok I’m gonna hit post before anything happens to my post cuz I’m already IAFPM and I don’t need anything fueling it..then I’m going to review the questions again and see if I can be of anymore help. 🙂

    “In a friggin’ pissy mood” I had “I Am Farting Pie Meat”. Yours makes much more sense. And I had CRS–“Can’t Read Shit” Glad we got that all cleared up.

    Reply

  19. javajunkee
    Sep 13, 2008 @ 14:48:33

    Ok..here are some…(a couple of the above ones)

    ROFLMAO – Rolling on floor laughing my ass off..
    you can add variables to that like ROFLMFAO –the added f can be the “f” bomb or fat or farting..you get the drift.

    TTFN –usually mean ta ta for now…of course we can put a spin on it… Thanks To Friggin Nobody (use your choice of the real f bomb, freakin, or friggin)
    or if you are on the phone with DA’s…could be
    Talking To Friggin Nutjobs

    CRS – Can’t Remember Shit

    my kids and I text and we make up our own language so you can see this is an addiction of mine.

    oh and the IAFPM mentioned in my above post…

    In A Friggin Pissy Mood

    Well, I am glad to know these. Now I will understand a little more what people are talking about.

    Reply

  20. javajunkee
    Sep 13, 2008 @ 14:51:42

    oh and how bout the many variable twists you can put on

    ROFLMAOSCOMM — that can be shortened or spread out depending on what you are drinking. That particular one is my

    Rolling On Floor Laughing My Ass Off Spitting Coffee On My Monitor …can can feel free to substitute the (c) for whatever beverage you are drinking at the time of the spewing. I have lost many a drink on my monitor during a viewing of one of your DA videos!

    I don’t think I could remember all those letters. I might remember the first four and then I’m done.

    Reply

  21. javajunkee
    Sep 13, 2008 @ 14:53:00

    Oh my gosh…I just had the most scathingly brilliant idea…..JOAN you and Sara need to make a Where In The Hell is Joan video..you know like that guy that is roaming around taking videos of him. You would be so funny.

    Actually, That is an awesome idea and I hope like hell I remember it. I’m going to write it on a post it right now. Thanks!!

    Reply

  22. 2lazydogs
    Sep 13, 2008 @ 18:19:19

    ROTFPMP – Rolling of the floor peeing my pants. Gah!

    We got a lot of people rolling on the floor doing a lot of strange stuff!!!

    Reply

  23. mrsvierkant
    Sep 13, 2008 @ 21:19:17

    LOL! 😀 Great post Joan. The answer to #7: Cats knead things out of a habit formed as kittens. They used to knead when they nursed from their momma kitties. It’s annoying especially if they have front claws, LOL.

    DH: My hubby is a darling… most days. I’ll let you know if he falls into any other category. 😀

    If I see DAH. I’ll know he hasn’t been such a darling. All my cats have their front claws and love to knead my legs.

    Reply

  24. Just a Mom
    Sep 15, 2008 @ 16:36:53

    I hate acronyms too! I did tell my kids last night that from now on I am just going to say MYOB to them! (Mind Your Own Business!)

    Now that is one I will remember!!

    Reply

  25. Lisa C
    Sep 16, 2008 @ 10:50:52

    LOL it’s javajunkee too lazy to log in…

    MYOB could also mean….

    Make Your Own Booze

    I’ve heard of bring your own but actually my son-in-law makes his own beer so maybe he uses that one.

    Reply

  26. Just a Mom
    Sep 16, 2008 @ 11:58:44

    Oh thanks javajunkie! That’s all I need my 16 year old to think!!! 🙂

    Well, if you see it on his cell phone you won’t know which one he is talking about.

    Reply

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