This isn’t going to be one of those posts about “why I don’t understand the state of the world” or any of that stuff ( I so much wanted to type “crap” but that would be so unpolitically correct, I couldn’t get myself to do it).
It’s not that the state of the world is crap, well, actually, it sort of is, but I get tired of hearing about it. I know it’s almost voting time but I am so tired of Obama, Hillary, Sarah (not my daughter, I never tire of her), and McCain and Obama’s running mate, what’s his name that I am mostly just ignoring the whole thing.
I have other things that I don’t understand. They may not be of world importance but I don’t freakin’ understand them. Like this whole acronym thing. I now have a permanent link to www.acronymfinder.com, just so I can keep up. I guess kids use them when they text a lot which I can barely do at all. It takes me ten minutes just to text “Call Me”. I might as well just dial the number and call the person myself. It’s just he doesn’t always answer.
A lot of you guys people use DH. Now I am thinking that is “dumbass husband”. But I can’t find that one at acronym finder. I suppose it could mean “darling husband”. If it does than a lot of you gals are very lucky except I will never know which ones are referring to the dumbass or the darling.
So I put in a google search for “dumbass husband” and this photo comes up.
New York governor Eliot Spitzer and his wife, Silda, at a press conference after being linked to a prostitution ring. Dumbass? Yea, I would say so.
Now If I type DW, will you know who I am referring to? But then you will have to guess: Am I referring to him as a dumbass or darling or dear or dirtbag? You will never know. Some of you won’t even know what the W stands for if you are just reading my blog for the first time.
Another Wasband self portrait. I will tell you, I would never refer to him as a dirtbag. He is so not a dirtbag.
My top ten things I don’t understand today. It changes daily.
10. Why are there so many grackles outside and are they actually talking to each other and if they are, WTF are they talking about?
9. Why don’t my kids pick stuff up off the floor when they see it? Is it actually possible that I am the only one that sees this stuff that I let stay on the floor for days just to see if they will pick it up? Give me a break, I have a bad back for God’s sake. I don’t want to fall ass over teakettle again just picking up a piece of rubbish.
8. Why do they call getting older the “golden years”? Honestly, they (whoever they are that is in charge of coming up with these little catch phrases) could have come up with something a little more realistic like the “forgetful years”.
“The keys to a high-quality life after age 60 are health, money, and having a meaningful life, a Canadian study shows”. Really? You could have fooled me.
7. Why do cats do that kneading thing ( I call it “making muffins” ) on my stomach or my best furniture? OK, I just looked it up and there are a couple of answers for that here. I don’t know if I believe them because when I look into Yoda’s eyes when he is doing it I know he is just trying to annoy me. So I guess I DO understand this one but I am not deleting it after writing all this and doing all this research. (all 2 minutes of it).
6. Why can’t I remember conversations from yesterday? Oh yea, right, it’s the “golden years”. F*#^ that!!!!
5. I don’t understand “obliviates”. Those are the people you see around town that are totally oblivious to everyone around them. I know I am oblivious to my surroundings on occasion. Everyone is, but all the time? If you watch them long enough, you know that it is all the time for some of them. Do they just not care about the rest of us? Are they just dumbasses? Are they just arrogant? They annoy me especially when I am driving. The ones that don’t use blinkers need a good caning. And what about the ones that take a left but go way over to the right to do it so you can’t pass by them while they are at a stop waiting to turn. What are they thinking? Oh, and the ones in the grocery store pushing their wagons like they are the only ones in the store. Thank goodness I am a good cripple cart driver or they would have mowed me down ages ago. Oh, I have to add this. The oblivious parent!!! Do you not know your child is running rampant through the store? I don’t understand You!!!!!
4. Oh, of course, how could I forget. Well that’s easy it’s the “golden years”. ACRONYM : Alphabetic Collocation Reducing Or Numbing Your Memory.
3. Why oh why do I eat when I am not hungry? This weight loss thing would go so much faster if I didn’t. Now who is the dumbass or dumbpig in this case?
2. Why haven’t they discovered “time travel”. Or have they????? And who the hell is “They” that I keep referring to? Muldaur and Scully, I need you to answer a few questions for me.
1. Why is there such a mess on my the DW’s computer desk? I better clean it up before he gets home tonight. It’s a week’s worth of crap. Shows off my organizational skills, eh?