True Confessions of a Human Dumbass–Part II

OK, We’ve all decided I’m only human but geez, I still make some dumbass mistakes. And I have the nerve to get a hold of a camcorder to video people doing dumbass stuff.  I wonder who is taking videos of me?  I need binoculars.

My neighbors might be videotaping me at this very moment.  I sit in the picture window and there aren’t any curtains.  The whole world could be watching me. There may already be YouTubes  up of me doing dumbass stuff.  Yikes!! OK, a little too paranoid here.

OMG,  I forgot to tell you,  Sarah’s car was broken into on Monday night.  After bringing all the groceries in the house we forgot to lock the car.  The one freakin’ night we don’t lock it they get in and steal her Sirius Radio worth about $270.


The stupid dumbasses didn’t even steal her $300 pair of sunglasses.  Yes, she has a sunglasses addiction.

Now here is my theory.  I went to bed at 1:30 AM and couldn’t sleep and got up about 2:30 AM to get on the computer in the living room.  I turned on the light and I wonder if I scared them away.  They even left the loose change in the car (about $10 worth)  and instead of unplugging the radio from the cigarette lighter they just ripped the wire like they were in a mad hurry.

So I went to the police station on Tuesday morning to report it and a woman walks in to report her two cars were also broken into and she lives right around the corner from me.  She said she never locks her cars.  I bet she will now.

I thought of a few more confessions I need to get off my chest which is actually getting smaller.  So before it disappears altogether I should make my confessions now.

My first confession is I didn’t post a Weight Watchers Saturday update this week because Weight Watchers Saturday sort of sucked.  I only lost .2 pounds.  That’s point 2 not to be confused with 2.  I know I shouldn’t let it bother me.  I did lose something but I was on a roll having lost 3.5 one week and then 4 the next week.  WTF happened?  I eat the same damn food every week except for the possibility that I ate too many FF Pringles.

“Olean® allows snack manufacturers to make great tasting, low calorie, zero fat savory snacks – an excellent alternative to full-fat snacks. A diet high in fat and calories can contribute to obesity, increased risk of heart disease and an increased risk of certain kinds of cancers. By reducing calories and fat from the diet and adopting a healthy lifestyle, people can lessen their chances of having to battle the pains of obesity, heart disease and cancer. Benefits of Olean brand Olestra
Olean contributes zero total fat, zero saturated fat, and zero trans fat and as a result can assist individuals trying to eliminate fat, calories and trans fat from their diets by offering unique health and taste benefits. As millions of consumers have found, Olean snacks are a great tasting option when looking to manage calories and fat. Both Pringles Light and Frito-Lay Light products contain Olean.”

What they neglect to say is that if you eat too much Olean you get diarrhea.  They also neglect to say that you’re never going to look like that woman in their photo and they also neglect to say that if you eat three boxes of FF Pringles in the dark in one week you aren’t going to lose weight. So I have decided to stop eating FF Pringles because I have no control over them.  I already ate two boxes this week so I don’t think I’m going to have a good WW Saturday this week either.

My only other confession I will make today, because this post is already getting too long,  is when Sarah was about 4 or 5 months old I dropped her on her head.

She was in her high chair but I had forgotten to strap her in. I turned around for one second and then I heard the clunk and she’s on the floor crying.  I was convinced she would be brain damaged.  It actually must have done her some good because she turned out so smart but it scared the hell out of me at the time.

Well, I have to go make a crockpot of “Rosemary Cashew Chicken”.  I hope all my good cooking makes up for locking Sarah in a running car and dropping her on her head.