True Confessions of a Dumbass!!! Scary Ones!!

I’m sorry to keep posting about dumbasses.  I should just call my blog  “The Dumbass Blog”.  Anyway, in my last post I told you all how I recently locked my keys in the car while it was running. This is my dumbass confession:   This is NOT the first time I have done it.

The other time was much worse.  My daughter, Sarah,  was about two years old.  I put her in her car seat and started the car.  I realized I had forgotten something which now I have forgotten what it is that I had forgotten.  Confused yet?  I made a very dumbass move and left Sarah in the car while it was running to go in the house and get whatever it was that I had forgotten.  You guessed it.  I locked her in the car.  Obviously the keys were in the ignition.  I panicked.

Fortunately she was happy with some toy she was playing with, smiling at me through the closed windows.


Also, it wasn’t summer and the inside of the car was cool. In my panic I was going to break the window but I tried to calm myself and figure out a way to get to her without wrecking the car.  This was all before cell phones. So I did the first thing that came to mind.  I ran next door and called my Daddy.


I also got a coat hanger from the neighbors and ran back to the car.  I knew my father would be there in minutes and handle the situation.  He was the kind of Dad that always knew what to do. While I was waiting for him (as tears poured from my eyes for being so stupid)  I somehow managed to get the coat hanger through a tiny crack in the window and lifted up the lock and got the door open before my father even got to the house.

The funny thing is as soon as he arrived and I saw his face I burst into tears even though I had gotten Sarah out safely.

That was dumbass confession number one.  The second one is even worse.  I was driving with the kids.  Sarah was about 6 years old and Damon about 4 years old.


I stopped off at the little store down the street and left them in the car. I didn’t leave the car running and took the keys with me.  The car was parked on a small incline and Damon decided to touch the stick shift and put it into neutral. I heard Sarah scream as the car started rolling  down the incline toward the main road.  Sarah actually jumped out of the car while it was slowly moving leaving her brother to suffer the consequences.  I ran to the car, literally trying to hold it back from reaching the main road and at the same time pulling up the emergency break and saving Damon from what I thought was near death. I never left them in the car again. It’s amazing what can happen in one minute when you turn your back on young children.


Now we come to dumbass confession number three which I still have nightmares about.  My daughter was in first grade and I would drive her to the bus stop with Damon and wait with her until the bus came.  I tried to be a good mother and would never have left her at the bus stop alone.  Damon was in the back seat.  He was about 4 years old again, evidently a bad year for him. I always made the kids wear seat belts.  The bus came and Sarah went off to school.  Damon and I headed into town taking the back road through a housing development  to get to the main road.

Thank God I was driving very slow because all of a sudden I heard a scream.  I looked in the rearview mirror and Damon was in the road about 15 yards behind me getting up off the ground  I slammed on the breaks and jumped out of the car (not even putting the car in park) running to him as he ran towards me.  His sweet little face was bleeding.  I was hysterical and so was he.  I checked all over his little body to make sure he was OK.  All he had was a scraped chin.  What I didn’t know is when we were parked waiting for the bus he had undone his seat belt and opened the door of the car and not closed it.  The door must have opened as I was driving and he tumbled out.  I can only thank God I didn’t run over him. I can still see his face in that rear view mirror.  It haunts me to this day.


So I gave myself this award

It just goes to show you how no one is perfect and we can all be dumbasses sometimes.

Hopefully as a Grandmother I will have learned some lessons.


21 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. c
    Jul 19, 2008 @ 20:18:26

    Joan Harvest i adore you.
    These are mistakes. Your little award made me laugh and i hope to vie for it at some point.

    i was left in a car more than once. Not out of negiligence. When i was a kid, parents often left their kids in the car and ran in for this and that and came right back and we were okay. One time, one of my sisters and i were pretending to drive to Disneyland. i messed with the gearshift and rolled my dad’s Mustang out into a very busy street. i got spanked good for that one.

    He used to let me sit in his lap and steer the wheel while he drove.
    We never wore seatbelts.
    i fell out of my mom’s Bronco when i was 11. My mom yelled at me for leaning against the door.
    “That’s what you get for leaning on the g-damn door. Don’t i always tell you not to lean against the g-damn door! That’s why!!!

    c, you made me feel so much better. I adore you too. I hope that someday we can meet and look out the window together. I love all my blogger friends but for some reason I see you an I together watching the birds.


  2. c
    Jul 19, 2008 @ 20:19:58

    Sorry, i just want to add that your kids were cuties.

    Thanks, c. They are cuties though I am not happy with my son right now. I’ve been calling him for 4 days and no answer and finally I put my phone so he won’t know who is calling him and he answers. He and his girl are at some three day concert on some mountain. Supposedly he wasn’t getting reception on his phone but it’s funny that when I blocked my number he answered. Kids, it’s hard to decide whether to love them or hit them with a cane.


  3. Moonbeam McQueen
    Jul 19, 2008 @ 20:51:17

    Joan, these are great dumbass stories! All moms do things like this– they keep up on our toes and keep the guilt flowing.

    The pictures of the kids are adorable, and I love your trophy. Your father sounds like such a sweetpea.

    That’s funny you should use the word sweetpea. I have always called my kids sweetpea. Well, kids sure do keep the guilt flowing. But you gotta love them.


  4. Wendy
    Jul 19, 2008 @ 22:18:21

    Oh. My. God. SAM DID THE SAME THING! He was almost 4 and I left him in the car (which was parked on a steep incline) while I was arguing with David over child support. Sam hit the stick shift and threw the car into neutral and the car started rolling down the hill toward a closed garage door. David threw himself in front of the car trying to hold it back, while I threw myself into the passenger side and scrambled over Sam and the console to reach the emergency brake. The car came to a stop about 10 inches from the garage door and nearly crushed David. So you can pass one of those Dumbass Awards my way, but I insist on sharing it with David. 🙂

    OMG, Sam and Damon, two of a kind. They still talk to each other all the time. Right now I think they are both doing very well. I saw Sam a couple of days ago and he gave me a great big hug. He looked really good.


  5. Hay
    Jul 19, 2008 @ 23:04:55

    Oh sweetie, you aren’t a dumbass…you’re HUMAN!

    I may not be a dumbass but remember we used to call my son “Alien Piggy”. If he’s an alien what does that make me? 😉


  6. theramblinghousewife
    Jul 19, 2008 @ 23:18:04

    OMG!! I think the incident with Damon falling out of the car would have traumatized me so deeply.

    I probably never would have driven again–or at least not for a very, very, long time . . .

    And yes, I really am, THAT neurotic! 🙂

    Actually, that one did traumatize me. I still dream about it. He was the kind of kid you couldn’t let out of your site for a second.


  7. teeni
    Jul 20, 2008 @ 01:23:04

    I think every human has some dumbass in them. It’s just genetic. But the ones who don’t learn from their mistakes are the true dumbasses. The rest of us just have some lingering dumbass tendencies at times. Anyway, I’m so glad your dumbass moments didn’t end up worse than they could have ended up. That’s a relief! Your kids are both adorable. 🙂

    Well, I sure got my share of dumbass but I think I do learn, hopefully.


  8. javaqueen14
    Jul 20, 2008 @ 01:49:04

    We’ve all got our share of stories, that’s for sure. I’m just glad for you that it all worked out ok and that you and your kids were fine. I like what Teeni wrote; how if you don’t learn from it, then those are the real dumbasses. True. I love the picture of your kids walking ahead in the forest.. very cool, cool, cool picture. What is it with mom’s and guilt. We have to look at all the good stuff we do and not focus on the mistakes- we are all human, we all make mistakes! I have horrible guilt too, I gotta work on that.

    I think when you make mistakes and it involves your kids, those are the hardest mistakes to live with.


  9. Hannah
    Jul 20, 2008 @ 01:53:38

    No, not a dumbass. Just a normal human being! A normal mother! We’ve all done silly things like those, in varying degrees/versions. I love reading your posts and how you tell a story. I’m sure your kids don’t even remember half of those incidents, and I bet they will do them too when they have their own kids! 😉

    At least Sarah will have learned from some of my mistakes. She won’t be leaving her kids in a car alone and she’ll have me watching over her shoulder (like an angel not an interfering mother) just in case. Sarah remembers bailing out on her brother when he touched the car shift. We were laughing about it last night. I’m happy you like my story telling.


  10. kaylee2
    Jul 20, 2008 @ 01:54:34

    Those are classics and joan i forgot to ask you do you have msn on this computer that you are using? can we talk that way?????

    I’ll have to check about msn. I don’t even know.


  11. odette
    Jul 20, 2008 @ 06:50:46

    i love the picture on your header, where is that place?

    this post really made me think what a big responsibility it is to be a mom. i think mothers are superhuman, it’s just amazing how you can get to juggle everything. a few lapses here and there, true, but that doesn’t make any of you less lovable!

    cheers to you!!!

    Well, mothers do have to be superhuman because they have to have eyes in the back of their heads so they can see what the kids are doing all the time.


  12. odette
    Jul 20, 2008 @ 07:15:45

    oops sorry, stupid of me, i just read the page about your header. 🙂


  13. Becky Motew
    Jul 20, 2008 @ 07:33:41

    I’m with you, girlfriend.

    My own dumbassness has shown up numerous times. I don’t know how many times I left my purse on top of my car. At least once I was supposed to pick up a neighbor’s child and forgot to do it, leaving the child waiting by herself somewhere. It’s inevitable.


    Yea, we all have our moments. I’ve lost stuff a couple of times by leaving it on the top of the car.


  14. birdpress
    Jul 20, 2008 @ 09:10:31

    I agree that you are certainly not a dumbass, but only human! So give that award back; you don’t deserve it!

    My mom used to yell at us not to lean on the car door too and I always thought that was so stupid. If I ever have kids though I will probably make them sit still in the car with their hands in their laps and not allow them to touch anything.

    Great pictures again! In the last picture of Damon, is someone putting a flower on his head? 😕

    Yes, the wasband was trying to put flowers on the top of Damon’s head. Damon was having none of it. Damon was the kind of kid you wanted to tie up until he turned 18. He used to get himself into so many messes when he was a kid. He spent many a time in the corner and as he got older being grounded.


  15. thebeadden
    Jul 20, 2008 @ 10:38:17

    Great post, Joan. I’m enjoying the comments too! I could fill a book with dumb things I have done. I guess we are all just human. 🙂

    I’ll probably write another blog sometime about more dumnbass stuff I’ve done. Fortunately I don’t do quite as much dumb stuff now that I am older so I guess I am learning.


  16. dropofkim
    Jul 20, 2008 @ 12:49:18

    I’ll confess that I locked my NEWBORN in the car before. I have never felt such panic in my life. An officer came and rescued me from my dumbassedness. You know, you could label this little section of your place “The Dumbass Chronicles”. Love it Joan!

    I love “The Dumbass Chronicles”. That is great. Well, at least I’m not the only one locking kids in cars. I can feel your panic because I panicked so badly when I did it.


  17. Wendy
    Jul 20, 2008 @ 12:51:21

    I meant to tell you that Sam told me he saw you and you looked really great. Then he said, “I hope that doesn’t sound weird for me to say about a friend’s mother.”

    What Sam said to you is so funny. Actually, he looked good too. Should I be saying that about my son’s friend?


  18. Peter Parkour
    Jul 20, 2008 @ 14:56:40

    I was a little worried as I read the story of you locking little Sarah in the car. When I got to the part about you with the coat hanger I started envisioning you hooking it in her nose to pull her through the crack in the window. 😛

    I have a nephew in Florida that around the age of 3 or 4 fell out the back door of the car as his dad was backing out of the driveway. He actually did fall under the tire. 😯 He didn’t get completely ran over, only enough to get a blood blister tire track across his shoulder and chest. No broken bones.

    When his dad jumped out in a panic fearing the worst the neighbor from across the street came running and lifted the car up enough for dad to pull nephew to safety. Scary scary scary stuff, but not dumb ass stuff. 😉 Only human. 🙂

    If I thought I could have gotten her out faster by coat hanging her through the window crack I probably would have done it. Your nephew’s dad must have been freaked out by that. Thank goodness your nephew wasn’t hurt badly.


  19. David
    Jul 20, 2008 @ 21:02:51

    Great post and comments Joan and commentators! Recalling some of the idiotic things I did to/for my kids as a young father was not difficult, there were many such things.

    But I think I can award myself the Best Dumb Ass Move Of All Eternity for the time I almost ran myself over with my own truck. I was in the parking of the elementary school where I worked as a teacher aide and was lying underneath my running truck, fiddling with the transmission linkage. Sounds like a great idea doesn’t it? It went into gear and started rolling up onto my chest. Luckily I wasn’t able to step on the gas or I would have totally run over myself. This was a good decade before the Darwin Awards “evolved”.

    OMG, I don’t mean to laugh but somehow I can’t help myself. Thank goodness it didn’t totally run you over. That must have been scary for you. I’m only laughing because of the way you wrote about it not at what actually happened. I think.


  20. mrsvierkant
    Jul 21, 2008 @ 00:16:29

    My dumbass parenting moments:

    1. Letting my one year daughter get to close to her birthday cake and she burned her fingers on the candle.

    2. Pushing my daughter on the swing too high and she fell off, on her back and smacked her head.

    3. Encouraging a friendship for my son that turned out to be the WRONG thing to encourage.

    4. Forgetting to buckle my kids in on a rush out the door and being reminded by them several blocks later.

    5. Not realizing my kids were truly sick. (This happened many, many, many times.) My son actually slept in puke, because I did not find it when I checked on him. UGH…

    See Joan, we all have dumbass moments. But there is one thing that trumps all of those. Love. And you love your kids and they know it!

    I enjoyed seeing pictures of them.

    Well, your list makes me feel better. Thank you. At least I’m not the only one out there. And you are definitely right about one thing: I love my kids and they know it.


  21. museditions
    Jul 22, 2008 @ 20:17:19

    Congratulations on your dumbass award, Joan. I’m sure the person who awarded you with it felt you deserved it. 😉 Sometimes it’s amazing we all live to grow up! When I was 1 1/2 my mother was cutting my toenails and nearly cut my toe off! I bled and bled and she panicked and panicked. Luckily we both got through it. I guess I’m fortunate I don’t have kids to do that stuff to?!?
    Anyway, I appreciate your honesty and humor, and for the record, I did NOT vote for you for dumbass of the year. 🙂

    Your right, it is amazing that we survived our childhoods. And it’s double amazing that my kids, especially my son, survived theirs. Well, I do appreciate your NOT voting for me for this award. 😉

    I’m glad you still have all your toes.


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