I’m Sorry About Another Post On This Subject! I Promise It Won’t Happen Again! Another 15 Second Video!!

I really hate to keep going on about dumbasses but it’s summer here. Our population explodes along with the ratio of dumbasses to non-dumbasses. Did my wasband put a sign on the back of my car when he borrowed it that says “Follow Me If Your A Dumbass”? Seriously, I’m going to have to go check.

I go into town most everyday to pick up the mail and go to the grocery store where I socialize with lots of people. My therapist said I should socialize more and I don’t go to church functions or hang out at bars. I don’t hang out at the mall. I haven’t become a mall rat yet but I am a grocery store rat. I really can’t think of anywhere else to go where I will see people I might force myself to actually talk to.

This means that I spend a lot of time in parking lots. There’s one thing I don’t get about people walking through parking lots. Are you supposed to walk behind moving cars? Is that the new thing? Cause I’ll tell you, people do it all the time to me. I’ll be backing up. My car will actually be moving albeit slowly and then someone (no offense, but mostly women) will just walk behind the car without even looking or noticing the fact that the car is in motion. I always thought that if a car was backing up it wasn’t such a good idea to just walk behind it without catching the driver’s eye so that the driver would have a clue as to what your plans were. DUMBASSES!!!!!!

Theramblinghousewife suggested I write a book “The Idiot’s Guide to Dumbasses”. I think she’s right. This book needs to be written. I’m going to start taking notes and videos (as soon as I can save for a video camera). I’ll probably have to pixel the dumbasses’ faces out of the videos so I don’t get sued. This could be big, maybe turn into a Dumbass Reality Show. Take 12 dumbasses and put them in a house together for a few months and see what happens. Oh, I just remembered they already have that show, “Big Brother” and I actually watch it. Now who’s the dumbass? My dumbassness is really coming out lately. Dumbass comes out of the closet.

On a side note, the following photo taken by the wasband is what I wake up to every morning.

THAT PHOTO MAKES ME SMILE EVERY MORNING. NOTICE IT’S NOT OF MY WASBAND.

Now someone, and I have a good guess as to who, put the following photo in its’ place.

THAT’S THE SCARIEST ASS PHOTO OF WAYNE NEWTON I’VE EVER SEEN. WHAT WAS WAYNE THINKING? WHY WOULD YOU WANT PEOPLE TO SEE THAT? I HAD TO HOLD BACK SCREAMS WHEN I SAW IT BUT YET I CAN’T SEEM TO TAKE IT AWAY. IT FASCINATES ME LIKE NO OTHER PHOTO OF ANYONE I’VE EVER SEEN.

I did go park down at the harbor this morning and I leave you with a 15 second video. Even at high quality the video sucks.

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20 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. writerchick
    Jul 11, 2008 @ 18:15:05

    Aw, I was hoping for a dumbassesII video. But the harbor is nice. I wouldn’t mind going and sitting and watching the water for a while either.

    I know what you mean about the walking dead in parking lots. I just had a scare today as I was slowly driving through a lot toward the driveway. An older lady was zooming thru lanes, cutting thru a row and nearly barrelled into me. I hit the brakes and yelled, “Stop!” She gave me such an annoyed look, as though I had my nerve to be there. How dare I actually drive through the drive lane and get in her way. πŸ™„ Lord, it’s a jungle out there.

    Annie

    PS: Yeah, I’d buy your dumbasses book and send it to several people I know. πŸ˜‰

    As soon as I get a real video camera that can do videos longer than 15 seconds I will have some good dumbass videos.

    Parking lots are very scary. I’m glad the dumbass didn’t hit you.

    Reply

  2. birdpress
    Jul 11, 2008 @ 19:28:33

    What’s a “hobber”? πŸ˜‰

    Oh yes, parking lots are like a dumbass breeding ground. Especially in crowded Kroger parking lots in stupid strip mall developments in Lexington where the engineers were obviously smoking pot while designing the parking lots. You should include them in your book: dumbass engineers who develop shopping plazas in Lexington. Dumbest things ever.

    “What’s a “hobber”? I almost fell on my ass again I was laughing so hard when I read that. What accent? Me?

    I will remember the dumbass engineers. I think the same ones must have made their way north.

    Reply

  3. teeni
    Jul 11, 2008 @ 19:40:50

    Wow – I got to hear your voice! Pretty cool! I know what you mean about dumbasses though. I think your book is a fantastic idea. Is that a harp seal in the pic? The Wayne Newton one is eerily hypnotic. Yikes! I’d turn it facedown or it might scare you in the middle of the night!

    I’ll have to ask the wasband what kind of seal that is but I love the photo. Wayne’s photos sort of hypnotic and very scary. That creepy little mustache and the Elvis pompadour, what was his publicist thinking? I have another video I put on the other day too. I’m on the cripple cart in the grocery store.

    Reply

  4. Hannah
    Jul 11, 2008 @ 19:44:08

    Your harbour looks lovely, it seems like it would be a nice play to go and sit for awhile.

    It really is a beautiful harbor. I’m fortunate to live in such a nice area.

    Reply

  5. David
    Jul 11, 2008 @ 21:56:41

    HAHHAAA!!! “The Idiots Guide to Dumbasses” BRILLIANT!! I could be chapters 3, 7, and Chapter 9: Dumbasses That Think They’re Geniuses- Boy Are They Fucking Wrong Or What??

    Funny post joan! πŸ˜€

    That video is also pretty cool! I’ve been thinking of trying to post a homemade video clip too, but I haven’t been able to get any video worthy of presenting, I also own a “crappy video camera”. That IS you narrating the video, right? You sound just like I would have “pictured” you to sound.

    As for Wayne Newton’s likeness juxtaposed with that of the baby seal, well, my imagination runs to wild and unspeakable horrors. Images of people clubbing baby seals bloody fades to a sculptor in a studio, carving Wayne Newton’s Head from one solid block of jet black pomaded hair …

    Well, my video wasn’t much but it’s all your gonna get until I save for a video camera. All it is, is 15 seconds from my still camera. And, yes, that is my voice with the Cape Cod accent. I did another video a couple of days ago in the grocery store while I was driving the cripple cart.

    Wayne Newton’s head is something of a horror in that photo. I don’t know why I keep staring at it.

    You could video your bike rides and your garden growing. I want the new Flip video camera. It’s about the size of a cell phone so I could do covert videoing on dumbasses. It’s only $145.

    Reply

  6. kaylee2
    Jul 11, 2008 @ 22:16:58

    I say write that Book and yes drivers amaze me okay! I have an off subject question but any ideas what might get rid of a FLU-LIKE virus that your weak immune system wont fight off????????????????????????????? Its been with me for 5 days and I hate it.

    With all the meds you are probably on you wouldn’t want to take any herbs or natural things because they could interfere with the meds. Lots of rest and chicken soup.

    Reply

  7. Wendy
    Jul 11, 2008 @ 22:29:24

    I can’t stand it, I’m going to order a Flip so I can post “video responses” to yours on YouTube. I’ve always wondered what the hell that “video response” button was, and now I know. If I had a Flip right now, I would go onto my roof and film the desert or the famous border fence as my response.

    Reply

  8. Wendy
    Jul 11, 2008 @ 22:30:17

    And put my order in for The Idiot’s Guide to Dumbasses, please.

    Yes, we both need a Flip camera fast. Wow, I’m getting orders for a book I haven’t even written yet.

    Reply

  9. kaylee2
    Jul 12, 2008 @ 00:08:36

    Thank you Joan and Ummm, no the bone cancer is the thing I have been dealing with all along but you probably saw it on thegirlfromtheghetto’s blog. She didn’t get what the other term was so I explained it in simpler terms. Now it has spread since the original diagnosis.

    Your comment has been edited. I’m just glad you are not dealing with a new cancer. Of course I wish you weren’t dealing with any cancer. I’m sorry that it has spread.

    Reply

  10. kaylee2
    Jul 12, 2008 @ 00:09:23

    Fix those errors am too lazy too LOL! πŸ˜‰

    Reply

  11. laura
    Jul 12, 2008 @ 10:57:43

    You HAVE to write that book! If you would just come to my town, and visit my WalMart, you could gather enough dumbass antics that would fill that baby up in no time! And every time Hans and I go to my wonderful WalMart, he starts in on the whole parking lot layout! Birdpress is right! Insane! I think you need to put Waynes picture on your refrigerator! You could end up being the queen of lost pounds at your Weight Watchers group as a result of avoiding said fridge and the loss of appetite that his picture would cause.

    Walmart is definitely a place where dumbass antics happen, especially in the parking lot. I am a volunteer for the police department and can give out tickets to illegally handicapped parkers. That’s where I give out most of my tickets.

    My wasband has another picture of Wayne and I am so going to put it on the fridge. What a brilliant idea. I should make copies and hand them out to everyone at the meeting. That photo would put anyone off eating.

    Reply

  12. kaylee
    Jul 12, 2008 @ 18:08:54

    Thanks joan….i will be ok!

    Your positive attitude will make a difference. I’ll send you lots of positive energy.

    Reply

  13. teeni
    Jul 13, 2008 @ 15:18:01

    Oh, I did go read that post – it was hilarious. I also somehow missed the part where your digital camera only lets you take so many seconds of video. That does stink but now I answered a question I left on your most recent post. Guess that just makes me a dumbass. πŸ˜‰

    You, my dear Teeni, could never be a dumbass.

    Reply

  14. thebeadden
    Jul 14, 2008 @ 11:57:52

    I do hope you write that book one day!

    I laughed out loud when you said you’d rip every one of those F-ing coins off that chair! hahaha. You simply must own a video camera. Ahemmmmmm……Mr.Wasband…….:)

    A woman’s got to do what a woman’s got to do. I’m already taking notes for the book.

    Reply

  15. thebeadden
    Jul 14, 2008 @ 12:00:05

    What a duumbass! I put this comment in the wrong post! (blush)

    Just goes to show you. We all are dumbasses sometimes. I can be the Queen of dumbasses with my big mouth.

    Reply

  16. Just a Mom
    Jul 14, 2008 @ 15:12:29

    Hey Joan, do we all get a free signed copy of your book?

    You bet your ass you can. πŸ˜‰ Aren’t you glad I didn’t say “you bet your dumbass you can”. I know your not a dumbass. You’re a funny one though. I want to hear more about your daughter’s play dates. That cracked me up.

    Reply

  17. theramblinghousewife
    Jul 14, 2008 @ 17:16:13

    And I expect to receive the first, autographed copy! πŸ™‚

    You will definitely get a signed copy. I just added you to my blogroll. I don’t know why I didn’t sooner. Probably because I’m a dumbass.

    Reply

  18. Peter Parkour
    Jul 14, 2008 @ 17:25:24

    I think you should go with a TV show “America’s Dumbest Dumbasses”. Oh wait, they already have that, “American’s Funniest Home Videos” and I love it. πŸ˜› There’s your new quest, seek out and capture dumbasses on video in the act of being total dumbasses. That would be pretty cool. πŸ˜‰

    Actually, all I have to do is follow the wasband around with the video camera. I know he reads this blog. Only kidding Wasband!! Well, Peter, that is a quest I am going to take on. It will keep me busy and on the streets. I love AFHV. You can’t help but laugh at the dumbass stuff people send in.

    Reply

  19. mrsvierkant
    Jul 14, 2008 @ 23:42:16

    ROFL about Wayne Newton’s picture. That would scare me if it was on my favorite picture too.

    Parking Lots: Yeah, I hate them too. Rat mazes for dumbasses is what they are. πŸ˜€

    I like that, rat mazes. I’m putting Wayne’ picture on the fridge. That will scare me away from opening the door.

    Reply

  20. theramblinghousewife
    Jul 15, 2008 @ 00:34:04

    Thanks, lady! I’ve had you in my Google Reader! πŸ™‚ I quit adding people to my blogroll long ago—My list is so long now!! There are so many blogs that I enjoy and read regularly now–including yours! Glad I found you! πŸ™‚

    I have to check out that Google Reader thing. I know what you mean about the blogroll. Mine is getting big too. I’m glad you found me too.

    Reply

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