I Think I Was at a Cane Convention at the Grocery Store

Once a week I take my brother grocery shopping. He doesn’t have a car. Somehow it’s become my job to do this. I don’t mind because it would really make his life difficult if I didn’t do it. Knowing him he would probably starve to death and my Catholic upbringing guilt would kill me. Usually I do a little shopping myself but I didn’t have any shopping to do . I didn’t want to sit in the car because it was so hot out with the heat wave we’ve been going through. When it gets into the 90’s on Cape Cod, you know it’s hot.

I went in the grocery store with my bro and sat down on a bench to wait for him. Within seconds an elderly man with a cane sat down next to me.

He mentioned the hot weather, blah, blah. We sat there a few more minutes and a second elderly man came along.

He needed a shopping cart and his cane to stay vertical. He started talking to me and he talked away but no sound was coming out of his mouth. I truly had no clue what he was saying. I just kept shaking my head and smiling. I was going to say “No speak English” because not many people do in the grocery store any more but I knew the guy next to me knew I could speak the NATIVE tongue. When the third guy came over I was thinking it was my time to find another bench.

Is this the bench where the old men hit on the ladies with canes? Was my ergonomically correct cane an attraction. They all had little old men canes, the kind you get at medical supply places and none of them had a monkey’s fist on their’s. Had I somehow traded places with Romi or was I just learning stuff from her blog and putting it to use and not knowing it. Is it “My Year of the Chick”? Maybe I am hot. Actually I know I was hot. Sweat was dripping down my face as I sat down. I’m thinking I should wait until next year, sweat cannot be a turn on. While all these thoughts are going through my mind a sprightly, elderly woman comes over and grabs her man. She gives him the loose coins from her change and the store receipt and stuffs the bills in her bra. They leave. One of the other cane guys decides he’s going to take the seat and I’m hoping there isn’t going to be a fight over it. Before he can actually sit down which looked like it might take a few minutes his wife shows up and grabs him. No loose change for him. He’s still talking and nothing is coming out.

Meanwhile the third guy just kind of takes off and I have the impression he has no clue where he is. Convention over!! Please understand, I am not making fun of cane people. I am a cane person. I am just stating the facts as best as I remember them.

I’ll bet all the handicapped spaces were taken. It seemed like we were all at the grocery store at the same time.

The thing is, I’m not even looking for a man, especially an old one. I know one thing–I’m keeping away from that bench.

20 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. javaqueen
    Jun 11, 2008 @ 03:14:07

    I’m think’n it was your hotness factor (hot mama) combined with the ergonomic cane. Those work like broaches! Ha! Ha! Ha! I’d be nervous if I was minding my own business and all of a sudden 3 guys sat around me. I would have started swinging my cane, especially to the guy who was talking but no sound was coming out of his mouth; that’s just annoying and deserves a caning on its own!


  2. Peter Parkour
    Jun 11, 2008 @ 03:37:54

    You weren’t getting down with your bad self like your Meez is doing, were you? That would definitely explain a thing or two. She looks like she’s looking for some action. 😉


  3. Hannah
    Jun 11, 2008 @ 03:56:26

    A cane convention … now this story made me giggle!


  4. Laura
    Jun 11, 2008 @ 06:30:35

    Cane envy. You’re lucky to have made it out of there with yours.


  5. birdpress
    Jun 11, 2008 @ 07:35:08

    Sounds like those women were pretty quick to grab their men away from you and your hot, sexy cane!


  6. CuriousC
    Jun 11, 2008 @ 07:40:58

    You are just TOO funny. great pics, you write an awesome post.


  7. Just a Mom
    Jun 11, 2008 @ 09:27:33

    hmmm…90’s you say, that would be a bit of a cool front for us southerners!


  8. teeni
    Jun 11, 2008 @ 10:45:18

    Wow – maybe your cane is magnetic and is attracting all the other cane people? LOL.


  9. joanharvest
    Jun 11, 2008 @ 11:26:11

    @ Javaqueen
    I’ll tell you, the whole incident was very weird but inside I was laughing my ass off.

    @ Peter
    According to the Meez website I’m Krumping (some kind of dance). To me it looks like I’m trying not to fall over and break my ass again.

    @ Hannah
    I might have to try the bench again next week to see what happens.

    Yea, their canes all sucked compared to mine.

    OR they were afraid I’d whack their hubbies with my monkey’s fist.

    @ CuriousC

    Thank you. just writing down the facts, Ma’am!! 🙂

    @ Just a Mom

    If this was a cool front where you live I would have to move. I’ve always wished I lived in Northern Alaska in a log cabin. But no one with money will come with me.

    @ teeni
    Oh no, I’ll be the “Pied Caner”. They’ll all be following me down the street in their cars with their handicapped placards hanging from their mirrors.


  10. Wendy
    Jun 11, 2008 @ 11:51:40

    I’m wondering if your sweat was producing an abundance of pheromones. Maybe you should bottle it and sell it on the Interweb.
    I’m glad to see you’re interested in finding a man, laying legitimate groundwork. My sister — you’ve met my sister — has been also been working hard to up her hotness factor, but the problem is she’s got a lot of requirements that I believe will make negate her new hotness. She wants to find a man and possibly get married again but here’s her requirements:
    1. No sex whatsoever.
    2. No telling her what to do or questioning her decisions.
    3. Must give her a generous allowance each week (because she can’t seem to hold a job.)
    4. No back hair, ear hair, or visible nose hair. No body odors. No ugly feet.
    5. No expectations that she will cook, clean, or run errands.
    6. No complaining if she chooses to spend a week or two in her own bedroom watching John Wayne movies and the Cartoon Network.
    7. Native American man preferred, but an actual cowboy or rodeo rider will also be considered.
    And there you have it, my sister’s easy peasy list of requirements in a mate. I feel a strong feeling you will fare much better when you decide the time is right.


  11. Wendy
    Jun 11, 2008 @ 11:53:37

    P.S. I love the Wizard of Oz cartoon!


  12. joanharvest
    Jun 11, 2008 @ 12:12:43

    I sort of agree with her on # 1,2,3 & 6. # 1 may change as I lose weight and get healthier and can catch my breath after walking 10 steps. # 2 I agree with her totally. I am so selfish. My way or the highway and I think that’s where I will run into trouble.

    I definitely don’t want to get married ever, ever or live with anyone. We would just visit each other.

    I love my freedom.

    I’m the complaining witch in the cartoon. I don’t do well in the heat.

    Do post menopausal women have any pheromones left?


  13. Red
    Jun 11, 2008 @ 13:00:16

    hahahaa! you’re keeping away from that bench .. funny.


  14. shornsheep
    Jun 11, 2008 @ 19:43:20

    You crack me up everytime, Joan. Just love your sense of humour.

    I read in our paper about your heatwave there. Hope it is cooling off now.


  15. kaylee2
    Jun 11, 2008 @ 21:05:09

    Laughed my ass off and truly needeed it(see my blog)!


  16. javajunkee
    Jun 11, 2008 @ 22:15:30

    I agree with all of those. Now could we train the man we already have to follow those rules?

    did you and the “guys” swap caning stories???


  17. mrsvierkant
    Jun 11, 2008 @ 22:42:39

    See now my Great Grandma would’ve said they just need a good smack with that cane. 😀 ROFL…


  18. kaylee2
    Jun 11, 2008 @ 22:44:16

    BTW for the email yeah check your spam box and then let me know cause i did send it!


  19. romi41
    Jun 11, 2008 @ 23:34:43

    It most certainly was the “hot factor!!”…I’ve been sending you “hot chick vibes” from my blog 😉 ….


  20. joanharvest
    Jun 13, 2008 @ 13:44:52

    @ Red
    I think I might try the bench again just to see what happens.

    @ shornsheep

    It is a beautiful day today. High 70’s low humidity.

    @ javajunkee

    These guys were so old I don’t think they even knew they had canes.

    @ mrsvierkant

    All men need a good swat now and then to let them know who really is the boss.

    @ romi
    I knew I was getting “hot chick vibes” from somewhere. I could just feel it. I was vibrating all over with them.


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