I Think I Was at a Cane Convention at the Grocery Store

Once a week I take my brother grocery shopping. He doesn’t have a car. Somehow it’s become my job to do this. I don’t mind because it would really make his life difficult if I didn’t do it. Knowing him he would probably starve to death and my Catholic upbringing guilt would kill me. Usually I do a little shopping myself but I didn’t have any shopping to do . I didn’t want to sit in the car because it was so hot out with the heat wave we’ve been going through. When it gets into the 90’s on Cape Cod, you know it’s hot.

I went in the grocery store with my bro and sat down on a bench to wait for him. Within seconds an elderly man with a cane sat down next to me.

He mentioned the hot weather, blah, blah. We sat there a few more minutes and a second elderly man came along.

He needed a shopping cart and his cane to stay vertical. He started talking to me and he talked away but no sound was coming out of his mouth. I truly had no clue what he was saying. I just kept shaking my head and smiling. I was going to say “No speak English” because not many people do in the grocery store any more but I knew the guy next to me knew I could speak the NATIVE tongue. When the third guy came over I was thinking it was my time to find another bench.

Is this the bench where the old men hit on the ladies with canes? Was my ergonomically correct cane an attraction. They all had little old men canes, the kind you get at medical supply places and none of them had a monkey’s fist on their’s. Had I somehow traded places with Romi or was I just learning stuff from her blog and putting it to use and not knowing it. Is it “My Year of the Chick”? Maybe I am hot. Actually I know I was hot. Sweat was dripping down my face as I sat down. I’m thinking I should wait until next year, sweat cannot be a turn on. While all these thoughts are going through my mind a sprightly, elderly woman comes over and grabs her man. She gives him the loose coins from her change and the store receipt and stuffs the bills in her bra. They leave. One of the other cane guys decides he’s going to take the seat and I’m hoping there isn’t going to be a fight over it. Before he can actually sit down which looked like it might take a few minutes his wife shows up and grabs him. No loose change for him. He’s still talking and nothing is coming out.

Meanwhile the third guy just kind of takes off and I have the impression he has no clue where he is. Convention over!! Please understand, I am not making fun of cane people. I am a cane person. I am just stating the facts as best as I remember them.

I’ll bet all the handicapped spaces were taken. It seemed like we were all at the grocery store at the same time.

The thing is, I’m not even looking for a man, especially an old one. I know one thing–I’m keeping away from that bench.