Calling a Cripple a Cripple: I Guess It’s Not Politically Correct!! OH Well!!!

I should be careful in stores not to call a cripple cart a cripple cart in front of other cripples but I’m thinking to myself they know they’re cripples. What else would you call it? Honestly, I can’t imagine. The word was recorded as early as 950 AD. I’m not going to say to the clerk at the grocery store “Can you tell me where the motorized vehicles are for the challanged or differently abled ?” I’m going to say “Where’s the fuckin’ cripple cart?” That’s 14 words versus 5 and 4 if I leave out “fuckin”. Saves everybody time.

Well, I just went on a website that tells us the politically correct names for people like me. Definitely, cripple is politically wrong, wrong, wrong. “Challenged” is OK so is “differently abled”. Anyone calls me “differently abled” I’ll cane them. I hate this politically correct crap. I’d rather be called a cripple. I looked up the definition of a cripple. It is: someone who is unable to walk normally because of an injury or disability to the legs or back. If that isn’t me, I don’t know what is. If it walks like a duck, looks like a duck, quacks like a duck… call it a duck.

DUCK

CRIPPLE

George Carlin had this to say about cripples:

Also, crippled people are crippled, they’re not differently-abled. If you insist on using tortured language like differently-abled, then you must include all of us. We’re all differently-abled. You can do things I can’t do; I can do things you can’t do. I can pick my nose with my thumb, and I can switch hands while masturbating and gain a stroke. We’re all differently-abled. Crippled people are simply crippled. It’s a perfectly honorable word. There is no shame in it. It’s in the Bible: “Jesus healed the cripples.” He didn’t engage in rehabilitative strategies for the physically disadvantaged.

Here’s my favorite one: “Differently weighted”. Yes I actually found that as an acceptable phrase for FAT. Oh, there’s more:


Fat – gravitationally challenged
Fat – horizontally challenged.
Fat – horizontally gifted
Fat – people of mass
Fat – person of substance

So if I’m with my sister and she introduces me to someone is she supposed to say “This is my sister Joan, she has an Enlarged physical condition caused by a completely natural genetically-induced hormone imbalance.” ? And then I have to cane someone. Again. Get over it: I”M FAT!!! I admit it and let’s face it admitting it is the first step toward doing something about it.

George Carlin said it best about fat people:

Let’s get to some of these other non-victims. You probably noticed, elsewhere I used the word fat. I used that word because that’s what fat people are. They’re fat. They’re not large; they’re not stout, chunky, hefty, or plump. And they’re not big-boned. Dinosaurs are big-boned. These people are not necessarily obese, either. Obese is a medical term. And they’re not overweight. Overweight implies there is some correct weight. There is no correct weight. Heavy is also a misleading term. An aircraft carrier is heavy; it’s not fat. Only people are fat, and that’s what fat people are. They’re fat. I offer no apology for this. It is not intended as criticism or insult. It is simply descriptive language. I don’t like euphemisms. Euphemisms are a form of lying. Fat people are not gravitationally disadvantaged. They’re fat. I prefer seeing things the way they are, not the way some people wish they were.

It is what it is. I am a fat cripple but I won’t be for long πŸ™‚

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33 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. betme
    May 22, 2008 @ 18:25:19

    And I love every ounce of you … in a heterosexual, friend-loving-friend kind of way…

    Oh yes, and I am a bitch. I am not a mood challenged individual of the female gender. πŸ˜‰

    Reply

  2. Little Miss
    May 22, 2008 @ 18:32:03

    Oh my god, this has to be your funniest post yet. I literally was laughing out loud and thinking who can I forward this to? This was my favorite part: “I’m not going to say to the clerk at the grocery store β€œCan you tell me where the motorized vehicles are for the challanged or differently abled ?” I’m going to say β€œWhere’s the fuckin’ cripple cart?” That’s 14 words versus 5 and 4 if I leave out β€œfuckin”. Saves everybody time.

    I’m all for conciseness and correctness in speech and prose – you know me! And I completely agree with you. I’m fat, but not for long.

    Reply

  3. Little Miss
    May 22, 2008 @ 18:37:41

    Oh, and talk about politically correct… one of my favorite blogs (Confessions of a CF husband) posted about a family whose adopted daughter was tragically killed. Some asshole was offended by his use of the word adopted. Get over yourselves people. Poor Nate (blog author) had to write a post about it so as to explain his choice of words. Geez. Let’s call it what it is! There is no shame around being adopted. And no shame around being a cripple either, for that matter.

    Reply

  4. curiousc
    May 22, 2008 @ 21:44:06

    LOVE IT! LURVE YOU!! too funny… everyone needs to just get over themselves. Sense of humor = so good.

    Reply

  5. Red
    May 22, 2008 @ 22:35:43

    Hey, it’s whatever you think, Joan .. And I think you’re right.
    If folks worried and stewed over every little PC/not PC statements, this world would fucking suck. I’m a fat, pasty-ass crackah that will call it how it is.

    Reply

  6. trishatruly
    May 23, 2008 @ 08:04:23

    If there’s a wheelchair-bound comedian, is it still called stand-up?

    Just askin’…….

    Reply

  7. javajunkee
    May 23, 2008 @ 10:16:16

    ROFLMRAO *that would be round ass cuz it’s round*! I’m calling it what it is. πŸ™‚

    oh man I’m laughing…this was a friggin hilarious post. So then to be politically correct none of us can refer to it as a cripple cart? OH my gosh my side is splitting from laughing so hard. And throwing in Tiiiiiimmmmaaee from South Park only added to it! I LOVE Timmmmmmaaee! He rocks!
    IF we are all differently disabled..can I sign up for one of those signs to throw in my window to get the good parking? Hell I’m weaning a benzo I could be considered disabled on all levels.

    thanks for a great laugh to start my day! Now I’ve got to go and youtube south park to watch Timmmmmmmmmaee!!

    Reply

  8. javajunkee
    May 23, 2008 @ 10:19:25

    Trisha……that was funny!!!!

    hey I’ve got one…so if a crippled person has a cool house is it a crippled crib?

    Reply

  9. javajunkee
    May 23, 2008 @ 10:20:33

    ohhh one more for me….I’m not vertically challenged I”M LAZY!

    Reply

  10. Just a Mom
    May 23, 2008 @ 10:33:25

    Great post! And all this time I could have told my husband I was a “person of substance” and I never knew it.
    Alright I’ll admit it, I am not a Stay At Home Mom, I am unemployed!

    Reply

  11. teeni
    May 23, 2008 @ 11:25:31

    Great post! I love how you say it like it is and that is one reason George Carlin was always one of my favorite comedians. Maxine is also awesome. πŸ™‚

    Reply

  12. c
    May 23, 2008 @ 16:24:20

    This is the funniest.
    i love Carlin.
    And i love that will totally cane people.

    Reply

  13. c
    May 23, 2008 @ 16:25:15

    Sorry- i meant that i love that you will cane people.
    πŸ™‚

    Reply

  14. kaylee2
    May 23, 2008 @ 16:31:31

    LOL great post πŸ™‚ Who cares what other people thing?

    Reply

  15. kaylee2
    May 23, 2008 @ 16:31:41

    think

    Reply

  16. joanharvest
    May 23, 2008 @ 17:54:31

    @ Betme

    Thanks for the love–right back at you. I’m glad your a bitch so am I. Ha! Ha!

    @ Little Miss

    We may be fat now but not for long. Soon we will be hot!!
    How can anyone be offended by the word adopted? It is what it is. I can’t even imagine what other word you would use. Well I just looked all over the internet and couldn’t find another word for adopted. I guess you’re just supposed to pretend the child isn’t adopted and not mention the word.

    I’m a cripple and I use it to my advantage. People open doors for me, reach for stuff at the grocery store and lots of stuff but nobody’s bought me an HDTV yet. It has made me realize there are a lot of nice people still out there willing to help someone. I was starting to wonder about that.

    @ CuriousC
    You gotta have a sense of humor. It’s what keeps me going.

    @ Red
    The whole time I read your comment I thought it read “I’m a fat party ass crackah” Then I realized it’s pasty. I think you’re more of a “party ass” than a pasty ass. πŸ™‚

    @ Trish

    I think it’s probably a wheel chair comedian or a cane comedian. It could become a whole new genre of comedians. There could be a comedian face off –the sit down comedians vs. the stand up comedians.

    @Javajunkee
    I’m weaning a benzo too. I’m doing it very slowly. Yes, that’s cool. I live in a crippled crib. Comes with a wheelchair and an assortment of canes (also can be used as weapons).

    My son is vertically challenged.

    @Just a Mom

    I think you are the one exception. I stayed at home with my kids when I should have been working but I really wanted to be the one to bring them up. My daughter doesn’t want to be a SAHM but she has me and I am more than willing to do it.

    @ teeni

    I love George Carlin and Maxine too. I hope Mother Maxine has services on Sunday.

    @C

    Someday I’m gonna cane someone and get myself arrested. Can you see the headlines for that one. “58 year old crippled woman canes man because he was a dumb ass.”

    @ Kaylee
    That’s right Kaylee, what matters is what you think of yourself. If you can look in the mirror and see a good person then you’re OK.

    Reply

  17. c
    May 23, 2008 @ 18:43:03

    Not only can i see that, i see myself applauding you for it and feeling envious because i didn’t do it. 😦

    Reply

  18. teeni
    May 23, 2008 @ 21:18:48

    Um, who is Mother Maxine? I meant the Maxine in your sidebar. The grumpy little old lady. Is that who you meant? I’m all confused now (doesn’t take much).

    Reply

  19. joanharvest
    May 23, 2008 @ 23:23:24

    @C

    It’s only a matter of time. My daughter is horrified I will really cane someone without thinking.

    @ Teeni

    You must have wondered what the heck I was talking about. I thought you meant Maxine from my blogroll–Maxine’s House of ILL Repute. Now I see the Maxine you did mean and I love her too. I have bought so many cards with her on them for my sister.

    Reply

  20. Hay
    May 24, 2008 @ 01:38:27

    Lol Joan, hilarious stuff! I like differently weighted….might steal that one!

    Reply

  21. javaqueen14
    May 24, 2008 @ 04:29:21

    I say, don’t beat around the bush! I’m with you! I was wearing a knee brace and my skinny bitch neighbor asked, “Oh, did you fall?” I said, “No, I’m so fat my knee gave out- now it hurts like a bitch!” BAHHAAHAHH! The look on her face, priceless! Just keep being yourself, you are wonderful Joan. I love this about you. Just think how much better of a world we’d be living in if everyone would stop picking apart words and analyzing everything- what ever happened to common sense? GAH! I laughed a lot reading this post! I agree with whomever said it up above, this is your best yet!

    Reply

  22. joanharvest
    May 24, 2008 @ 13:37:58

    @ Hay
    That’s me–differently weighted. Yea right, I’m FAT but not for long. I’ve lost 37% of my bodyweight.

    @Javaqueen
    Oh, you are too funny. I would have loved to see your neighbor’s face when you said that. Well, I appreciate that you enjoyed the post.

    Reply

  23. thebeadden
    May 24, 2008 @ 17:48:15

    ahahahaha! What’s left to say. Joan you should have been in stand-up!

    Reply

  24. joanharvest
    May 24, 2008 @ 18:20:42

    @ thebeadden
    I think it would have been more “sit down”! I could have a nice lazy boy chair, lift up my legs and go at it. The previous sentence I wrote , at first without the word chair. Thank goodness I noticed.

    Reply

  25. teeni
    May 24, 2008 @ 20:09:55

    Oh, oops! Now I see. LOL. I think I actually have visited your friend once or twice before, and that Maxine is also very funny. πŸ™‚

    Reply

  26. thebeadden
    May 24, 2008 @ 20:38:26

    LOL! A lazy boy would work too! Just make sure he’s good and sturdy.

    Reply

  27. javajunkee
    May 25, 2008 @ 08:04:03

    So you “cane” people and I with a baseball bat want to pull a Tanya Harding on 98% of the people I walk past! πŸ™‚

    javaqueen…that’s too funny..the fat and knees giving out…oh my gosh I’m splitting a rib here.

    this post should be highlighted in the hilarious section or something.

    Reply

  28. thegirlfromtheghetto
    May 26, 2008 @ 12:56:42

    I had the term politically correct. It’s just plain f-ing dumb. I say things the way they have always have been said … and I congratulate anyone else who has as well.

    Reply

  29. Peter Parkour
    May 27, 2008 @ 18:11:03

    Did you use that picture of a crippled duck on purpose? One of its legs is turned in. πŸ˜› Great post. πŸ™‚ Sit down comedian, HA! πŸ˜‰

    Reply

  30. joanharvest
    May 28, 2008 @ 16:20:30

    OMG, I never noticed, the duck looks like a cripple. That is too funny. Leave it to you to notice that.

    Reply

  31. frank burns
    Mar 08, 2011 @ 08:24:05

    It’s one thing to flaunt supposedly frankness, another to be insensitive. Just because a few differently abled people like being called cripple, doesn’t mean all do. Connotations matter, and we all know perfectly well that “cripple” is not a nice word. If you don’t want to be politically correct, at least be sensitive and nice.

    Reply

    • joanharvest
      Mar 16, 2011 @ 23:34:02

      Sorry Frank, I guess I am very frank sometimes. I guess I am fortunate that I can laugh at myself. Obviously, this post is doing just that. I can assure you that I wouldn’t call anyone disabled a cripple to their face because of so called sensitive politically correct people. On the other hand, I wouldn’t care if anyone called me a cripple. My point was that years ago it was a perfectly acceptable word. In this day and age we have taken perfectly acceptable words and for some stupid reason have turned them into supposedly unacceptable words. Schools have actually changed their sports teams names because they were called “The Indians”. Give me a break.

      Reply

  32. Janet Hilliard
    May 06, 2015 @ 01:02:46

    CRIPPLED—hmm—reasons for using: it carries the meaning the writer wishes to express + freedom of speech.

    Reason not to use—it is considered demeaning and the writer, hopefully, does not wish to demean or belittle.

    It’s odd, the way word/sounds carry emotional baggage. DISABLED is in, HANDICAPPED is out, politically correctly speaking. My blue park- where- ever- you- like plaque says Disabled.

    I am__________by Parkinson’s Disease, therefore somewhat of an expert on the vocabulary and emotions engendered. I dislike crippled. Crippled is, to me, Tiny Tim with his crutch. Crippled is pitiful. I don’t like to be labeled with that word. I also dislike, disabled. Disabled means out of the game. I am definitely not out of the game. Handicapped is the perfect word to describe what I experience. Handicapped means I have to try harder—big deal.

    Injuries are not always visible, so unless you are an expert in diagnosing mental illness, that clever comment may deeply wound. Speaking of politically correct: the word PSYCHO is not. Some Jewish people do not find Soup Nazi jokes funny, and I may be fat, but you’re ugly, and I can always lose weight.

    As the old saying goes: Keep your words sweet, you may have to eat them.

    Reply

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