My daughter called me this afternoon because she was coming home on an early boat. Her store had lost electricity. She told me she was going to the Mall and asked if I wanted to go with her. Of course I jumped at the chance to get out of the house.
She came home and picked me up and off we went to the Mall, about a 1/2 hour drive. We got there around 7:00PM. What we had both forgotten because neither one of us had been to a Mall on a Friday night in a while was that it was filled with Mallrats. You know who they are. You might even have a couple at home.
Mallrats are those kids between the ages of 13-17 who inhabit Malls all over America on Friday nights. They don’t shop, because they have no money. They just take up space and make a lot of noise. The girls giggle and the boys try to look cool and they all just run back and forth. I kept thinking of them as Mall Zombies. I noticed that all the girl rats and all the boy rats looked the same. If you lined them all up I bet their parents wouldn’t be able to find their own kids. The Mall was also filled with security people. They must have extra ones on duty on Friday nights because they don’t even have that many at Christmas. I think if you took all the rats out, there wouldn’t have been many people there. Adults probably know better than to go to the Mall on a Friday night.
Poor Sarah was trying to push me in the wheel chair through these crowds of Mallrats. It’s hard enough for her to push me in the first place and the rats didn’t make it any easier. I had my CANE with me. Big mistake. We were trying to get through a jam of people and a person had his back to us and wouldn’t move. I instantly had my cane up and was going for his legs but thank goodness Sarah stopped the wheel chair before I could reach him. I was actually going to cane him without even realizing what I was doing. It wasn’t even a rat. It was just some older man who didn’t realize we were behind him trying to get through. Sarah, nicely, said excuse me and of course he kindly moved and let us through. I was horrified that I was actually going to whack him without even thinking.
Sarah bought some clothes and by 9:00PM we were starving. Eating out on a Friday night, the day before Saturday weight watchers was scary for me but I thought I could handle it. While I had waited for her in a couple of stores I got bored and started talking to sales ladies about weight watchers. I was even giving out recipes. A customer came up to me in one of the stores to tell me how much she enjoyed listening in on our conversation. I was stoked. I knew I could handle the restaurant. I also think two of the ladies I talked to were going to join weight watchers.
WE went to the restaurant called “Not Your Average Joe’s”.
We got a table and right away I had to go to the ladies room. There was one woman in there. I heard her turn on the water and I heard her get a paper towel from the towel machine and leave. I went to wash my hands and realized there was a faucet and no knobs to turn on the water and thank goodness I also remembered they had sensors now and all I had to do was put my hands under the faucet and you get water. I don’t go out much as you can tell. Then I went to the paper towel dispenser and it said it had a sensor too with a picture on it of a hand waving in front of it.
THIS IS THE EXACT ONE! IT RUNS ON 4 D BATTERIES. FREAKIN’ NUISANCE.
Well, I started waving my hands. Now I knew it worked because I heard the last lady use it but it wasn’t working for me. I waved my hands every which way and was very thankful I was alone in there. My hands were waving everywhere. I was mouthing off at the thing. I couldn’t get that freakin’ thing to work no matter how much waving I did. By the time I gave up my hands were dry from waving them around.
I went back to the table and I’m laughing at myself and trying to tell Sarah what happened in the bathroom. I don’t have my glasses on and there is a diet soda just waiting for me so I put the straw to my mouth only I suck half the paper the straw was in almost down my throat. Then I make the mistake and say “Fuck” a little too loudly. Now the two of us are laughing way too loudly. The waitress comes over so we can place our order and of course I have to tell her I’m on weight watcher’s so here I go again. She gets really interested when Sarah tells her she went from a size 10 to a size 2 in four months.
Finally after a lengthy discussion about which dinner would have less fat I decide on a Salmon dinner:
“• balsamic glazed salmon a not your average joe’s favorite…grilled and brushed with our balsamic glaze, served with pineapple salsa, jasmine rice pilaf and grilled asparagus.”
I cut and pasted the above from their website. Do you notice the mistake in punctuation. Well, maybe they can’t punctuate properly but the dinner was good.
After all is said and done, we had a good time. Sarah bought three pairs of pants and two tops for work and I got to use a public bathroom and NOT learn how to dry my hands.
Who knew so much could happen at the Mall.