Canes- Are They Just For Helping You Walk? Using Your Cane to it’s Fullest Potential

I was just over at Lucky’s blog and she was writing about one of her friends who had to have hip surgery and for a while she has had to use a wheel chair, walker and cane. It got me thinking about my own use of these items.

I use my canes for so much more than walking.

5-canes.jpg

1. Weapon— One of my canes, the one made out of sassafras wood has a heavy gold handle. If I hit you on the head with it you would be out like a light. I don’t carry a pocketbook but you can see it in my eyes–come near me and I will pound you.

This is the best weapon canesasafrass-cane.jpg

2. Reaching tool– When I am at the grocery store and there are no good looking men to reach stuff for me on the top shelf (actually I will let anyone reach stuff for me. It makes them feel good. They can go home and tell their friends, “By the way I helped a poor cripple woman today at the grocery store.”)  Ha! If they only knew me. Anyway, when there is no one around I use my cane. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always work. I can usually knock down what I want and catch it but sometimes I take other stuff down with it, which of course I can’t put back. Though I haven’t broken anything yet.

3. Poker– It’s a good way to get people’s attention. Just poke them (ever so slightly, so as not to offend, unless it’s my wasband and I have to poke him hard to get his attention). I actually poked him the other day. I was aiming for his stomach because we were discussing how he has gained 15 pounds since he moved in here 9 months ago. I was mystified how that happened. I cook Weight Watchers for goodness sake. How could he gain weight. That’s when he confessed about stopping off at the little store at the end of the street and buying snacks three times a day. Well I missed his stomach and I poked him by mistake and hit his privates. So you really have to be careful with your aim if you are going to poke people with a cane.

4. Door opener– I don’t actually use the cane to open doors but everyone opens doors for someone with a cane unless they want to get poked. And I have poked people in the ass with my cane ‘by mistake” if they are rude and slam a door on me.

5. Handicap parking– I get to use handicapped spots legally and give out tickets to those who use them illegally. This is my favorite thing to do when I grocery shop or go to Walmart (which is very rarely). I always take a slow drive around the parking lot looking for lazy asses who can walk and run but are too lazy and use up handicapped spots so people who really need them have no place to park.

6. To make a point or get a word in edgewise– When I bang my cane on the floor, people know it’s time to listen–TO ME.

7. Kitty scatterer–Sometimes I think my three cats are trying to kill me. When I come out of my room in the morning or the middle of the night (which is worse because it’s dark and they are black and I can’t see them in the dark hallway) they try to trip me up. I swear they do it purposefully so they can watch me fall. That’s where the cane comes in handy. I don’t hit them with it. God forbid, I love my kitties, but I do use the cane to get them to scatter out of my way so I don’t trip on them. I do not want to break my ass again. I’m sure the cat’s thought it was funny when I fell, they were all watching. But one broken ass is enough.

ergonomic-cane.jpgThis is probably my safest cane. It is ergonomically correct.

8. Accessory– I hate old lady canes that you buy at the medical supply places. A cane can be beautiful. I love my cane with the sun, moon and stars on it. I love all my canes. I want more canes so I can color co-ordinate. I want a can with a dragon handle.

This is my first cane. You can see where the cats have chewed the handle. The sun, moon and stars don’t show up well in this photo.sun-moon-cane.jpg

9.My cane gives me strength– It gives me the strength to do what I have to do to walk again. Here are the lyrics to one of my favorite songs by Tom Petty–“I Won’t back Down” The video follows the lyrics.

Well I won’t back down, no I won’t back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won’t back down

Gonna stand my ground, won’t be turned around
And I’ll keep this world from draggin me down
Gonna stand my ground and I won’t back down

Hey baby, there ain’t no easy way out
Hey I will stand my ground
And I won’t back down.

Well I know what’s right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin me around
But I’ll stand my ground and I won’t back down

Hey baby there ain’t no easy way out
Hey I will stand my ground
And I won’t back down
No, I won’t back down

10. My canes make me happy because I know that one day they will just be decorations on my wall.

Next week I will discuss other uses for wheelchairs and grocery cripple carts. And we all know this includes drag racing.

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25 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. CuriousC
    Mar 27, 2008 @ 16:17:58

    I do love how you tell a story! great list.

    Reply

  2. Kaylee
    Mar 27, 2008 @ 17:21:21

    Great list cant wait for the next one 🙂

    Reply

  3. Lucky
    Mar 27, 2008 @ 18:50:40

    I LOVE that you poke people with your cane. And how awesome will those look on your wall? great post!!! 🙂

    P.S. Thanks for the shout-out!! 🙂

    Reply

  4. Peter Parkour
    Mar 27, 2008 @ 22:04:27

    If I had a cane I would definitely poke people in the ass with it. :mrgreen: Just the thought of it makes me want to go cane shopping now. 😛

    Reply

  5. thegirlfromtheghetto
    Mar 27, 2008 @ 22:42:17

    I’d love to get my own cane … but I’m sticking with my leg braces for now. It would be so cool to hit someone who deserved it with one, ha ha … feeling a little mean tonight I guess….

    Reply

  6. joanharvest
    Mar 27, 2008 @ 23:22:19

    @CuriousC, Kaylee, Lucky, Peter, and thegirlfromthe hgetto,

    If people need pokin then you might as well pokem.

    I’m older, so I can get away with it. Ya ain’t gonna mess with a fat old lady with a killer cane. As my daughter said after she read this post “I wouldn’t want to mess with you in a battle of “Cane Combat.”

    @Peter
    If you ever see a dragon cane or a cane with a hidden sword in it let me know. Now that would be wicked cool.

    Reply

  7. moonbeammcqueen
    Mar 27, 2008 @ 23:48:44

    I love this post! I was giggling so hard at you poking your wasband. I’ll bet that really got his attention!

    You wield a mean cane, and one fantastic sense of humor.

    Reply

  8. joanharvest
    Mar 27, 2008 @ 23:59:50

    @ Moonbeam

    Today my wasband was sitting at the computer and I came in the living room and pointed my cane at him and he started telling me to back off. We both burst into hysterical laughter. If you’re going to use a cane you might as well have fun with it.

    Reply

  9. David
    Mar 28, 2008 @ 22:38:06

    That’s an impressive collection of canes joan! The brass knob one does look like a formidable blunt instrument. Elegant too.

    LOVE the Petty video too! What a great attitude and song! I forgot about Ringo being in that video. Thanks for posting it.

    Reply

  10. teeni
    Mar 29, 2008 @ 15:48:25

    I love your cane collection and your attitude! What a great post. But I’m late in getting here so I don’t know exactly how you “broke your ass.” You will have to fill me in on that. I’m just glad to hear it is temporary and that you soon will only have the canes for ornamental reasons. 🙂

    Reply

  11. joanharvest
    Mar 29, 2008 @ 16:36:13

    @ teeni
    I actually use the canes because of severe arthritis in my knees and back. I need two new knees. I fell on Dec 30th and that’s the day I broke my ass which is mostly healed, thank goodness. Hopefully I’ll lose the canes when I lost the weight and then get new knees. I have a whole blog about it. Hopefully this link will take you to the page the blog is on. https://joanharvest.wordpress.com/2007/12/

    That blog had more readers then any blog I’ve ever written I guess people like to read about broken asses LOL 🙂

    Reply

  12. kaylee2
    Mar 29, 2008 @ 16:53:19

    are you ok joan?

    Reply

  13. joanharvest
    Mar 29, 2008 @ 17:15:33

    @ Kaylee

    Oh yes, I am used to bad knees,my bad back and my broken butt which is mostly healed. Nothing holds me down. My right knee hurts 24/7 but I won’t take pain meds except for Advil which doesn’t help anyway. But thanks for asking. How about yourself? How are you doing? I am so excited that you are going to get to a baseball game. I know it’s not our favorite team but at least it’s baseball. Did you ever see one of my favorite movies “Field of Dreams”?

    Reply

  14. kaylee2
    Mar 29, 2008 @ 17:19:59

    Yeah I have seen that movie! i love it. I am not doing that great today 😦

    Reply

  15. kaylee2
    Mar 29, 2008 @ 17:22:34

    Thank you I am excited too 😛

    Reply

  16. joanharvest
    Mar 29, 2008 @ 19:06:06

    I’m sorry you’re not doing so good today. Just try to keep that positive attitude of yours. I had a feeling you would have seen “Field of Dreams”.

    Reply

  17. kaylee2
    Mar 29, 2008 @ 19:27:46

    oh that attitude wont change until the day i die 😀

    Reply

  18. joanharvest
    Mar 29, 2008 @ 19:40:59

    And that won’t be for a long, long, long, time. This I know.

    Reply

  19. kaylee2
    Mar 29, 2008 @ 19:46:45

    hey I didnt say it was gunna be soon. hell I was not put on this earth tlo die this young!

    Reply

  20. joanharvest
    Mar 29, 2008 @ 20:35:19

    That’s what I want to hear. Me neither. I am only 58 but I was heading towards a heart attack and a stroke if I didn’t lose weight. But I know I will continue to lose and one day be healthy enough to do what ever I want.

    Reply

  21. rafael
    Apr 20, 2008 @ 03:56:45

    sent you mail on myspace ( MOM looks . . . haughty , but nice ) ;

    your cane comments concerned me – also the ‘ crippled ‘ allusion –

    but the photo by the tree , holding a guitar ( have three , also a cuatro

    and an electric bass , though am a keyboard player since the late 50s )

    looks tasty – i mean , you – maybe the guitar too have to go back & look ;

    Reply

  22. rafael
    Apr 20, 2008 @ 03:58:36

    four a . m . – need crash and burn , before strike of dawn .

    Reply

  23. joanharvest
    Apr 21, 2008 @ 17:50:16

    @ Rafael

    My sister still has that guitar. I haven’t played in years. My cane comments just show my crazy sense of humor. Hopefully I will get new knees and be able to walk again.

    Reply

  24. Trackback: Back On The Horse!!! « Whatever I think
  25. KrisKane
    Apr 14, 2010 @ 04:34:47

    Hello joan, I think the way you use your cane is astounding. I only wish of the day i need a cane to poke my girlfriend ohhh good times. The art of the cane is to be one with the cane only then will you see the true pontential of the cane. Nameing your cane is a must too mine would be called Segal i think its a nifty name. Anyways nice post and ill be keeping a eye out on more.

    Reply

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