Well, I’m going to tell you all about last night’s gathering of these materials. And guess who was the star of the show, guess who could manage to get all three of these products together, guess who caused a chemical spill into the ground near our side door? None other than my wasband.
I think I will finally start calling him by his name. I guess he is officially part of the family since he’s been here 7 months now and it doesn’t look like he has plans to go anywhere else.
My daughter and her hubby went out to dinner last night and she noticed the side steps were slippery with ice. So she asked her father to please put down some rock salt. She’s always concerned that I am going to fall and break my ass again. And to tell you the truth, I really don’t want to do that again. It’s about 90% better and If it happened again I think I would have ass removal surgery.
Anyway, Barry proceeds to take our rock salt outside. I am in my room and I hear him come back in the house and he says “I’ve done something really bad out there. It really smells too.” Oh my God, I’m thinking he’s shit his pants. What else could smell really bad out there. He’s had some stomach upset lately. I’m also thinking, I ain’t cleaning it up, pal. NOOO WAY!!!! We’re not married anymore and I don’t have to clean up your shit.
Well, fortunately for both of us, that’s not what happened. He put the rock salt on the railing, it proceeded to fall to the ground hitting a gallon plastic container of tiki torch fuel which proceeded to break.
Evidently, tiki torch fuel reeks. The smell is getting into the house and Barry is panicking. “What are the kids gonna say?” he asks me. “I’ve polluted the ground.” I’m just sitting there thankful it’s not shit leaking out of his pants. I do his laundry.
I suggest he put kitty litter on the ground where we now have a chemical spill. He actually for once in his life agrees with me. So now we have rock salt, tiki torch fuel and kitty litter all mixed up together by the side door. Of course the kids don’t know this yet. At one point we start trying to come up with a story of how it happened so Barry won’t be blamed for it. I came up with the idea that a coyote and a raccoon got in a fight near the tiki torch fuel and broke the container. He didn’t think the kids would fall for it. He was probably right.
I lit incense and some smelly candle, apple spice I think. The mixture of the incense, candle and tiki torch fuel was hideous.
Then we both went to bed. Lord knows what the kids thought when they got home. But there are footprints all over the kitchen floor so they must have walked right through it. You got some splainin to do Lucy.