Wendy at Life With Buck gave me the idea for this from a poem she wrote. It was called “When I Go Home” Except in my case it’s “When I go to the Grocery Store”.
Now that I have closed my own little health food store, I can’t go to the grocery store without running into ex-customers looking for free advice.
Now the sign permanently resides at one of the local bars. That’s my daughter and my niece standing in front of it. It’s right near the pool table. At least it lives on. Also, my daughter on the left has lost 40 pounds since that photo was taken.
The thing is I’m driving a motorized cripple cart that goes 4 MPH and I can’t go fast enough to get away from them. They just chase me down the aisles.
I ran into a born again who tried to convert me next to the meat aisle.
Sometimes it takes me a couple of hours to get my shopping done because I run into so many people. My daughter will call me on my cell to find out what’s taking me so long.
One time there was actually a line of people waiting to talk to me as I sat on my cripple cart. The first six months I was home, I never left the house. I was too depressed and in pain. Once I started to do something about my problems I started going out more. So I hadn’t seen any of these people in quite a while. At least it’s nice to be missed.
Some of them even went to my competitor to ask if he had my home phone so they could call me for free advice. Fortunately my number is unlisted.
I had a woman come up to me recently telling me about her constipation problems. I wanted to say”GO SEE YOUR DOCTOR”. Instead I sent her to buy some fiber.
I looked in her cart and all she had in it was ice cream and diet soda. If you’re going to eat ice cream why bother with diet soda, just get the real stuff.
I called this post “Running into People” because on occasion I have actually ran into people with my cripple cart. Fortunately I haven’t maimed anyone yet. Just a few little taps when I think I have it in reverse but I don’t. People pretty much stay out of my path now because I usually go at full speed. I floor it. I go the top speed which is so slow it’s pathetic. Old ladies with canes can walk faster than my cart.
Hopefully, one day in the not too distant future I won’t need the damn cripple cart. I lost 2.4 pounds this week. Notice the dot between the 2 and the 4. I didn’t lose 24 pounds just 2point4 pounds. But I’m happy with that.