A Very Short Story Involving Cats, Chinese Food and a Broken Eardrum.

You’re probably already asking yourself, Oh my goodness, what did she do now? Actually this incident happened about three years ago.

This definitely happened before weight watchers because I don’t eat my favorite Chinese foods anymore. If I order Chinese I order things like steamed rice and vegetables. What I really want is crab rangoon, chicken fingers, and meat on a stick ( beef teriyaki?)

What happened that fateful night had to do with the stick and my cats.

dsc00996.jpgThe Three Kitty Boys being good.

I was sitting on the couch and had just finished my meat on a stick and was still holding the stick in my left hand. One of the cats jumped on my lap then another decided to do the same thing. The first cat, Yoda, decided he didn’t want the other cat, Blue, on my lap and a fight ensued, on my lap. Everything happened so fast, but somehow the stick ended up in my left ear, braking my eardrum.beef-teriyaki.jpgThis isn’t exactly how my meat on a stick looked. Mine was just a few pieces thrown in a bag. But those were the sticks alright.

And it was the pointy end that pierced my eardrum. It hurt like hell. Now that I think about it, I don’t know which hurt more, the stick in the ear or the broken ass. The next morning, stuff was coming out of my ear. I won’t describe it. That would be too much information. But it was gross. I decided I should actually go to a Doctor, which I don’t like to do. Sure enough the eardrum was broken and she put me on antibiotics because it was also infected.

That stick could have ended up anywhere. I still don’t exactly know how it aimed so perfectly for my ear. Sometime I will tell you how my daughter, when she was about seven, forked my eye.

17 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Wendy
    Jan 11, 2008 @ 18:27:30

    WHAT THE FUCK?! This is absolutely the most freakish “freak accident” that I’ve ever heard of. And I’m sorry Joan, but I’m laughing out loud right now. This line is killing me: “…and a fight ensued, on my lap. Everything happened so fast, but somehow the stick ended up in my left ear…”

    Oh god, I’m still laughing! Not at your pain, but this was just so funny!

    Reply

  2. joanharvest
    Jan 11, 2008 @ 18:42:59

    That’s the thing. Every time I end up in pain it involves something so moronic that it’s funny. I still laugh over some of the crazy stuff that’s happened to me. I still think it’s Karma. I must have had one hell of a last life.

    Reply

  3. moonbeammcqueen
    Jan 11, 2008 @ 18:43:42

    I’m with Wendy! This is crazy! It’s a good thing this happened pre-Internet-craziness days. You would have made headlines for months.

    And the teasers that you inject into your posts drive me crazy! How long must we wait to read about the fork in the eye!

    Reply

  4. Little Miss
    Jan 11, 2008 @ 22:44:14

    You absolutely KILL me. How horrible this was to happen, but how utterly hilarious to “hear’ you describe it. I was telling my daughter how you describe your “broken ass” and we both died laughing. I know, it’s not a laughing matter – either situation – but you make it so funny.

    Reply

  5. Little Miss
    Jan 11, 2008 @ 22:44:33

    PS – I needed this laugh today too. 🙂

    Reply

  6. CuriousC
    Jan 12, 2008 @ 17:14:15

    The title of your book will be something like “The Hilarious Misfortunes of ____”

    Reply

  7. joanharvest
    Jan 13, 2008 @ 15:45:42

    @ CuriousC
    Around here I am called Mom by all of my daughter’s and son’s friends. This has been going on for at least 13 or 14 years. When I am in a store and any kid calls out for Mom, I go to answer and half the time it is one of my kid’s friends. So I guess I would call the book” The Hilarious Misfortunes of Mom”.
    @ Little Miss
    Everyone at home is still laughing about my broken ass and it was two weeks ago. I’m going downstairs to watch a movie with my daughter in her living room this afternoon, just the two of us. Her first question was “Will your ass be OK on my couch” And then she burst out laughing. I guess I’ll never live down the ass story. But if my ass made a few people laugh then it was all worth it.

    @MBMQ
    I think I’ll write “How I got Forked” next. Though there are sad parts. It made my daughter cry. She was only seven.

    Reply

  8. romi41
    Jan 14, 2008 @ 20:38:07

    I am SO sorry this happened to you, but it made me laugh a lot, I won’t lie!

    I love your caption under the picture: “but those were the sticks alright”, hahaha…

    You really have the worst luck when it comes to accidents (stick, broken ass, skunk-spray, “accident” in your car), but you handle it so well! You’re an inspiration 🙂 …and which DID hurt more? Stick or broken ass? Is the jury still out on that one????…..

    Reply

  9. joanharvest
    Jan 14, 2008 @ 22:04:17

    @Romi

    They both hurt a lot but the ear healed faster. My broken ass still hurts and it’s been over 2 weeks since it happened. It’s about 50% better though. So at least there is improvement. I always remember what my mother told me when I hurt “Laughter is the best medicine”. Though my ass doesn’t agree with her.

    Reply

  10. David
    Jan 16, 2008 @ 07:37:52

    As Wendy so eloquently asked, WTF indeed! If there is any crafty soul among joanharvest’s readers, please fashion some kind of good luck charm and send forthwith (as the cops say)!

    Another funny post Joan- you get hurt and we laugh. Ouch, goddammit!

    Reply

  11. Sarah (the daughter)
    Jan 18, 2008 @ 22:04:16

    This is probably very mean but If we are in the habit of divulging dirty little secrets on these blogs, I know why the stick “mysteriously” ended up in her ear. She has a tendency to scratch her ear with whatever she has in her hand, keys, pens, meat on a stick =)…….so I know the cats had a “fight” but I’m sure that stick was somewhere in the vicinity of her ear.

    Reply

  12. joanharvest
    Jan 18, 2008 @ 22:31:39

    Oh, my dear daughter, I don’t know what to say. You’ve got me on the ear. I do scratch my ear with various objects but when I was writing about it, I had sort of forgotten that could have been the case. I don’t remember scratching my ear with the “meat on a stick” stick but it could have happened that way. It all happened so fast. And I’ve been blaming the cats this whole time and I probably poked my own eardrum myself. And you are not very mean just honest. (I’ll get her back when she least expects it). LOL-in this case LOL means “Lots Of Love”.

    Reply

  13. Sarah (the daughter)
    Jan 18, 2008 @ 22:42:51

    Oh I’m sure it was the cat’s fault…. It’s just not quite as mysterious as to why the stick was close to your ear!

    Reply

  14. joanharvest
    Jan 18, 2008 @ 23:09:21

    Good Point, sweet pea. If the cat’s hadn’t jumped on my lap I would have scratched my ear in peace.

    Reply

  15. Wendy
    Jan 31, 2008 @ 17:27:20

    Joan, you should probably visit Dis Is My Place, because betme impaled herself on her fence, and I was thinking how much you two had in common. 🙂

    Reply

  16. betme
    Feb 01, 2008 @ 12:21:46

    Joan ~ I feel your pain. 😉 I guess we are just blessed. Cuz you know the saying, “What does not kill us will make us stronger!”

    And to the comment ~ “Laughter is the best medicine”. I guess it is true except when it hurts to laugh.

    Reply

  17. sarah
    Jul 20, 2008 @ 07:00:06

    that made me crack thats just so funny. in your ear any other place and it picked to be in your ear that sounds a littel silly but realy funny

    I cracked myself up when it happened. I was laughing because it was so funny and crying because it hurt so damn much and all the kitties did was stare at me.

    Reply

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