How I broke my ass

I don’t know if it’s really broken but I can’t believe falling on it could make it hurt so much. I guess technically it’s called the coccyx or tailbone.

I got this info off a website:

To help prevent a coccyx fracture:

  • Wear protective gear.
  • Eat a diet rich in calcium and vitamin D.
  • Do weight-bearing exercises to build strong bones.
  • Build strong muscles to prevent falls.

Well, too late for all of that. And what protective gear should I have had on when I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I didn’t bring my new ergonomically correct black cane that I got for Christmas with me. The bathroom is only a few feet down the hall. Granted it was dark in the bathroom and as I reached for the light there was a towel hanging off a chair and my left foot slid on it and I fell on my coccyx. I fell hard and I’m not as fat as I was so I don’t have all the padding that I used too. My kids sleep downstairs, it must have sounded like thunder, the house must have shook because I may have lost some weight but I’m still a large woman. They didn’t even wake up. Fortunately I was able to get up myself with out waking them.

I still want to know what protective gear I should have had on. Are there ass protectors that I don’t know about? Padded pajamas?

I guess I need a doughnut and for the first time I don’t mean the kind you can eat. My wasband thinks I should go to the emergency room but he’s sort of a hypochondriac and I hate the emergency room. Talk about germs. I also read there’s not much you can do about it even if it is broken and the website I was on said the Doctor will do a rectal exam. I don’t think so. The toilet is the only comfortable seat in the house, of course only with the seat up. But I can’t sit there all day, there’s no TV in the bathroom. The computer chair isn’t too bad because I’m sitting at the edge of it so my tailbone doesn’t touch down. But that gives me a backache. I took Advil. Didn’t help. I don’t think there’s a quick fix for a broken ass.

I can’t even put photos in this blog. I don’t think anyone really wants to see it.

When I called my sister to tell her about it we started laughing so hard it made it hurt more. Through all the laughter, she’s telling her husband and I can hear him howling in the backround. When I told my daughter she tried hard to look concerned and serious because I was in pain but you could see the twinkle of laughter in her eyes. Why is someone falling on their ass so funny.? I couldn’t stop laughing when I was telling my sister.

Well I don’t have a doughnut and my kids went out so I’m going to try to make one so I can sit in my comfortable chair in my room and watch TV.

It’s my daughter’s birthday tomorrow so I have to talk the wasband into doing all my errands. That ought to go over like a lead balloon. But he’ll do it, he always does.


22 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Wendy
    Dec 30, 2007 @ 23:50:11

    Oh my god. What are you going to do? It’s like a broken toe, they can’t do much for those, either. All you can do is wait for it to heal. What a drag, Joan, I’m sorry this happened to you.

    As far as chairs are concerned, those ergonomic kneeling computer chairs are very-very comfortable and it takes all the pressure/stress off of your ass. I had one and I loved it. I’m talking about these:

    You could probably order one from Staples, or find one on eBay? You’d have to have the wasband put it together, but I’m sure it’s pretty easy.


  2. Wendy
    Dec 30, 2007 @ 23:51:35

    And I don’t think you broke your coccyx, I think you bruised it really bad. If it was actually broken you probably couldn’t walk or stand at all.


  3. Wendy
    Dec 30, 2007 @ 23:53:26

    And you and Barbara are so retarded … I can’t believe you were LAUGHING about something as serious as a broken ass! If you thought that was funny, I should tell you about the time in 1998 when I broke my foot while standing perfectly still.


  4. joanharvest
    Dec 31, 2007 @ 00:11:59

    You are probably right about it not being broken. I can walk OK. But it does hurt like hell. But if I sit on my right cheek it’s not too bad. I can’t sit on the left one at all. Maybe I dislocated it. But it’s not going to stop me from going with Sister B and Craig to Emily’s house tomorrow night for Sarah’s birthday. It’s New Year’s Eve so I can drink and not feel a thing. I really, really want to hear about how you broke your foot standing still.


  5. David
    Dec 31, 2007 @ 11:31:43

    I’m sorry to hear about your injury too. But I absolutely LOVE the title of this post! Talk about making lemonade, huh?! Yeah Wendy, a broken ass is serious! [stifled titters]

    So thanks for the comedy joanharvest, and maybe you should consult our poo expert romi41 on this, but I hope that you’ve been able to go #2 and check that there’s no blood in the stool. And maybe you should have iced your injury? I’m sorry, my daughter is studying to be a nurse and I can’t help it. I hope that you feel better soon. What a way to ring in the new year.


  6. joanharvest
    Dec 31, 2007 @ 12:18:43

    Fortunately on Weight Watchers you eat so much fiber #2 is never a problem. Didn’t notice any blood, thank goodness. But I appreciate you mentioning it, I might have to check that a little better, actually put my glasses on when I look. You are right about the ice. I saw that on a website this morning and I’m going to sit on ice packs on and off today. Maybe it will freeze the pain away. I don’t want to get frostbite though. Imagine having a frostbitten broken ass. How do you explain that to the Doc.

    Laughter is the best medicine. I was laughing so hard telling my sister about it, I could hardly speak. Have a Great Eight. It’s gotta be better then Seven.


  7. Barbara
    Dec 31, 2007 @ 14:52:38

    Wendy’s right about Joan and I being retarded. We laughed so hard over her broken ass that we ended up breathless and the only sound we emitted was an occasional squawk interspersed with gasps.

    And we howled the time she went ass over teakettle in her darkened driveway because Damon left his skateboard out and she went for a short terrifying ride on it before crashing to the ground. What made it so funny was that it happened in the pitch dark and she didn’t know what was going on. All she knew was that she was airborne for a second or two before ending up flat on her butt.


  8. Barbara
    Dec 31, 2007 @ 14:54:08

    David! I’m laughing so hard over #2. Jesus, I haven’t heard that one in years.


  9. moonbeammcqueen
    Dec 31, 2007 @ 15:58:31

    I’m sorry, Barbara. Just the title of this post made me laugh. But I know that cracked butts are no laughing matter. You can get one of those fabulous looking donut pillows while it heals:


  10. Wendy
    Dec 31, 2007 @ 18:08:34

    Joan, this is how I broke my foot: I was standing outside my kitchen door, on the top step, saying goodbye to Buck. I shifted, heard a loud crack! and said, “Wow, that hurt.” Buck said, “Oh you’re fine,” and left for work. But I wasn’t fine. I tried lying down for awhile, but it still hurt. It hurt all day, and finally Cody took me the ER in Falmouth around 11 PM. It was broken. I broke the outside of my foot and was in a boot cast for 4-months. The doctor said it happened because of my avanced age. I was 38 at the time.


  11. Wendy
    Dec 31, 2007 @ 18:11:15

    Barbara, you should upload some kind of photo for your comment profile photo thing.


  12. Wendy
    Dec 31, 2007 @ 18:12:13

    And the mental picture of Joan sliding down the driveway on a skateboard ride in the dark … well that’s just too much! LOL


  13. romi41
    Dec 31, 2007 @ 19:10:08

    ohhhhhh my goodness!!!

    This is terrible, and no I am NOT laughing at you, I am simply laughing at the HIL-ARIOUS title (and the mentions of protective-ass-gear, haha) I would most certainly pop the Advils until passing out before getting a rectal exam, and yes, I suppose a donut-seat is the best option at this time….I really hope you feel better soon, and I don’t really know what makes ass-falls, ass-waste, and all-thing-ass so funny, but it just DAMN IS!!!

    Happy New Year, and I’ll be swinging around a lot in 2008 😉


  14. joanharvest
    Jan 01, 2008 @ 00:55:15

    What Sister B. didn’t tell you was when I ended up on the skateboard my left foot went forward and my right foot went backward and I did a complete split. Now I’m no ballerina so the split thing didn’t work out so well. So there I am in the dark, all alone , crawling up the stairs to the side door because my legs hurt so much from the split. I made it to the phone still crawling (didn’t have a cell phone then) and of course called Barbara. Fortunately I was younger and in better shape so she didn’t have to come to the house. The next day I ran over Damon’s skateboard with my Dodge Ram Van. I still sort of feel guilty about doing that, but not much.


  15. Wendy
    Jan 01, 2008 @ 01:24:58

    That skateboard sounds like it was from hell. It was meant to die.


  16. leafprobably
    Jan 08, 2008 @ 22:58:48

    Wow. You tell the best stories…


  17. joanharvest
    Jan 09, 2008 @ 02:13:35

    Unfortunately, they are all true. I don’t know why all this weird stuff happens to me. Karma? I must have been some kind of wacko in a past life and it’s caught up with me.


  18. teeni
    Apr 01, 2008 @ 02:09:32

    Oh my goodness! This post and its comments are all so much fun! Too bad they came at the expense of your pain and even if you didn’t really “break” your ass, I’m glad you used that as the title to this post. I mean really – “How I bruised my ass,” wouldn’t have been as big a draw. LOL.


  19. Laura
    Apr 21, 2008 @ 19:11:46

    Ow! Well, I think you broke it, all right. Lots of people do, apparently, but there ain’t much you can do about it but wait for it to heal.

    So, it’s been a few months. Can you tell when it’s going to rain by the pain in your ass? Just wondering.

    Mine was a shattered pelvis in a bad car accident. Going in the bedpan, flat on your back in a hospital bed with a broken butt is the WORST. So I stopped eating. It was the most effective diet I have ever been on. You eat, you poop, it-hurts-like-hell diet. I was in bed, flat on my back with traction on one leg for a month and a half. Then wheelchair-to-walker-to-crutches. I cried with gratitude when I could carry a basket of laundry up the stairs again. Funny the things you miss …

    Anyway — it (my ass) is just fine now. I do believe in protective gear, and have equipped myself with buns of lard for safety purposes. I think I’m quite well-protected, but I do worry about those bony-assed celebrity types with no protection at all. They are living dangerously, if you ask me. 😦


  20. joanharvest
    Apr 21, 2008 @ 19:42:03

    No, I can’t tell when it’s going to rain. I still have to check the radar.

    Sounds like you really had a bad time with your accident. Like I said in the blog, the toilet was the most comfortable seat in the house. But it got really boring sitting there.


  21. Trackback: 6 Word Memoir « Whatever I think
  22. Trackback: My Ass Still Hurts! « Whatever I think

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